(Closed) Dramz (long): my apathetic parents

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would just say firmly “I understnad you feel that way, but I am not eloping, we have having this wedding, and that’s it.”  They can think whatever they want, but its your day and you choose what happens, especially when they aren’t paying for anything

Post # 4
Member
46469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s very difficult to stop having expectations of our family that, in our heart, we know they can’t meet.

If you stop expecting validation from them, you won’t have to deal with the disappointment.

Post # 5
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m not entirely sure why you’re visiting them (for a weekend) in the first place.  You say there isn’t much of a relationship there.  So, why are you forcing yourself through a weekend of their horrible attitudes?  I guess I can understand you wanting to check in and visit.  But, I would not be staying with them for longer than a couple of hours, given the situation.

Since you’re doing this, I’m going to recommend not talking about the wedding at all.  I had to program myself not to talk about my wedding and now I’m pretty much used to it.  I don’t talk about my wedding to anyone other than my Fiance because I got sick of negativitiy/feeling like I was annoying people.

You know what the outcome is going to be, so don’t do it.  If you don’t think you can do it, don’t stay there.  Try to log on to the Bee when you feel the urge to do wedding talk, or talk to your Fiance about it (if he’s going, if not call him).  Just don’t bring it up to your parents.  You know nothing good will come of it.

Post # 7
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@kristophine: I think it’s sweet you are so concerned with making you Future Mother-In-Law feel better. And she must mean quite a lot to you for you to be putting yourself through this weekend with your nonsupportive parents. You should feel good about your life now and with your FIL’s.

Focus on your happiness and don’t allow them into your world emotionally. You know how it will go but you have the power to control how they affect you. Stay above their level with the talk and you will come out stonger.

Post # 8
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ugh, I’m sorry your family is so unsupportive. If you absolutely must visit them for the weekend, I’d recommend deciding on a simple sentence that will shut down criticism and move the conversation forward. That way, if you find yourself reacting emotionally to your family’s cruel behavior (which is undoubtedly the reaction they’re trying to provoke you to), you can default to a memorized sentence and hopefully change the subject. Something like “I’m sorry you feel that way, but this is not your decision to make. You’ve made your opinion clear and I’m not interested in discussing this with you further” should do the trick. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@kristophine: While it’s sweet that you’re concerned about your Future Mother-In-Law, you shouldn’t in ANY way feel obligated to put yourself through the emotional pain that this will require of you, just to please her. If she truly has your well-being in mind, she will understand that you need to distance yourself from your family. If she doesn’t understand (even if she grew up with a dysfunctional mom, she may not realize the extent of your family’s issues), maybe your fiance can speak to her separately and tell her, kindly, to back off. And if she STILL doesn’t get it, then she does not have your best interests in mind and isn’t as kind as you describe her to be.

If you *do* end up going, I think you need to examine really closely your emotional reasons for going, aside from simply wanting to maintain good relations with your Future Mother-In-Law. What are your expectations? Even if, logically, you know that your family is unsupportive and toxic, is there any part of you that wishes for their support in this? Do you harbor any hope that they will treat you with respect and wish you well? These are very natural feelings, so it’s nothing against you if you experience them occasionally. I simply ask because if you go to visit your family with these hopes, however suppressed, you will most likely be let down. Are you prepared for that sort of emotional rollercoaster? It sounds like your family is emotionally manipulative and borderline emotionally abusive. Just make sure that you are protecting and honoring yourself above all in this situation.

Post # 11
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@kristophine: I think this might be a good closure visit for you. I’m sorry that your family is this way, but I think its great that you seem to have support from your FI’s family

The topic ‘Dramz (long): my apathetic parents’ is closed to new replies.

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