Post # 1
I got married a few weeks ago and instead of being blissful or happy I’ve been depressed and anxious. The reason is I drank too much at my wedding and I regret doing this. The thing is I didn’t do or say anything bad at all- in fact I was just calm and social. Some people said they didn’t even realize I was drunk. I always intended to drink on my wedding as I am a drinker and think there’s nothing wrong with it- same with my husband and our friends. The problem is the last hour of the night is a blur and I don’t remember certain pieces of it, not the whole hour but certain parts. This absolutely kills me because we spent so much time, energy, and of course money planning it. I never want to not remember it or get to that point, even if I didn’t do anything bad
this is killing me because I dreamt of this day for so long and while everything was perfect- I hate that I drank this much and there’s pieces I can’t remember. Yes I know I should have done things differently so please don’t comment with what I should or shouldn’t have done because it’s already killing me.
thank you in advance for the advice!
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
Awe bee, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way but try not to beat yourself up! You’re only human, you didn’t say or do anything embarrassing, I’d personally take that as a win! lol I have a lot of blurry memories of our wedding because I felt like I was pulled in a million directions and wasn’t really able to focus on anything. I drank and only got a little tipsy but I still wish I had a more clear memory of the evening. Go through photos and talk to your friends & family about their favorite parts of the day. Try to replace some of your embarrassment with the joy you felt that day! Hugs to you!
Post # 3
For what it’s worht, I was sober and don’t remember every moment of my wedding…it’s an emotional day with so much stress and things do do/people to see. You would never remember every single detail, even sober.
Don’t beat yourself up. You didn’t do anything wrong: in fact, it sounds like you enjoyed yourself, which is the entire point!
Post # 4
There’s very few even sober brides I know of who remember all of their weddings. It’s really common to have blank patches and the feeling at though the whole thing passes in a blur with only snatches of memory – I don’t know what term that would be to describe but it’s all the anticipation and busy atmosphere and emoption of it. I’ve been married twice, didn’t drink at one and only drank very moderately at the other and they were both such a blur I only have very fleeting memories. And this isn’t a ‘becasue they were so long ago’ thing – even the next day the memories of the day were very rushed and fleeting, almost dreamlike.
Post # 5
don’t beat yourself up! I didn’t drink too much at my wedding and parts of it are still a blur. It was a busy emotional day and there was so much to take in. No one will ever be able to remember every detail and blow by blow. Relish in the highlights and that’s enough.
Post # 6
Agree with others, just let it go. It’s done. Don’t allow the experience on your wedding day to keep eating at you.
Might just add: Since you feel you drank too much, use that as a learning experience going forward.
Post # 7
I agree with above comments, this is very common even for completely sober brides. For me, this has been an on/off issue due to health issues that sometimes impact my memory. I’m only mentioning for the sake of sharing some things I’ve learned that can sometimes help retrieve seemingly “lost” memories or clear up blurry ones. Try to recall objects you were holding/touching or what you were eating–anything to anchor a moment, especially involving sensation (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell). We value sight the most, usually, but the other senses have a stronger connection to memory. Think through what you can remember and get as close as you can to something you want to remember more. Line up the pieces, identify any sensory anchors. Then, when you are calm shortly before going to sleep, review them again. Try to be specific about any pieces you know you’re missing that you want to fill in. This sends the message to the subconscious and your subconscious does its best work for you while you’re sleeping. You’re sending a request for memory repair and retrieval. You’d be surprised how much your subconscious can pull up for you, how much is really in there but perhaps just stowed in the wrong cupboard so to speak. Reflect the next day again, during a calm and quiet time, to see if anything has begun to fill in. Repeat several times, always reviewing before sleep and reflecting the following day. Write down memories that come to mind so they are not lost again. Use these recovered pieces to aid in further memory retrieval. It’s unlikely that you will get everything but even more unlikely that you will get nothing. Follow the steps of deep memory retrieval and you will be rewarded. In the meantime, try not to stress. Ask friends or family if they remember specific moments. You don’t have to throw in the suspicion that too much alcohol is to blame, especially since fatigue and stress could just as easily have contributed to the situation. Memories may trickle in over the course of months. During that time, you will also hopefully made progress on letting go of your regrets.
Post # 8
You can’t go back in time, so my advice is to let this go and enjoy the present. You’re married to the love of your life. Focus on that.
Post # 9
i was sober at my wedding and barely remembered it. i wanted to drink, i remember getting a beer from the bar but just never had time i was so busy, talking, dancing, etc. i did have a great time but it was so fast and a blur, i wished i could remember it better.
now almost 8 years later, it;s a happy distant memory and we can relive it in our pictures. at the time i really wanted to remember more details.
i wouldn’t stress about it.
Post # 10
I have a slightly different perspective. Is it possible that your anxiety and depression is stemming from the fact that this big event which you POURED over for months or even years is over and that’s why you are hyper-focusing on the last hour?
My suggestion is to find something that brings you joy. Maybe it’s joining an adult soccer league, or a watercolor class, and having a monthly book club with your friends. Something to help you look forward to the future.
Post # 11
Oh hon, don’t beat yourself up! It is what it is. You weren’t sloppy. You weren’t acting a fool. Go easy on yourself!
Post # 12
While I agree with others that even if one doesn’t over indulge a wedding can feel like a blur in parts and like you are pulled in ten different directions at times, this really doesn’t sound like that to me.
There’s nothing wrong with social drinking, and this very well may have been an outlier event, but when you are a self described “drinker” and it gets to the point where you’re losing chunks of time and the memory of something so important to you, then it’s adversely affected your quality of life. You know best if it’s also time to reexamine your relationship to alcohol.
Post # 13
for what it’s worth, I didn’t drink at all at my wedding and I still don’t remember portions of it. It’s the sort of day that goes by in a whizz and it’s really hard to keep track of it all. That’s what the photos are for. You will probably find that when you see pictures or someone remind you of something, you have an oh yeah moment. If blacking out while drinking is not a thing you tend to do, it was likely just stress on top of the drinking. If it is typical for you, then perhaps it’s a wake-up call.
Post # 14
I sometimes wish that I hadn’t been so anxious about things going right on the day of my wedding. I feel like I was less able to just enjoy things because I was so focused on everything going right. I didn’t drink at all, but it still seems like a blur. I’m glad that we got lots of pictures to help me remember it. Rather than thinking about what could have gone differently, try to think about the good things that happened. I think a shift in perspective will help. What are you thankful for about getting married and your wedding day?
Post # 15
I’m sorry you’re feeling bad. If it’s any consolation a lot of my wedding was a blur and I wasn’t consuming any substance at all, aside from a sip of champagne. It’s a busy day, lots going on,kts of people wanting your attention, and it all seems to pass very quickly.
It doesn’t sound like you were drunk enough to do something stupid. This is hard to understand now, but your wedding will become much less important over time. Remember that it was just one day, and not the sum total of what it means to be you, individually or as a couple. Don’t start your marriage in a state of regret. Take a deep breath, let the past go, and focus on the here and now of making a good marriage.