Post # 17
You were gracious enough to offer help of some kind, whether that would have been in accomodating their child at the affair or finding them a sitter. Ultimately, for whatever their reason, they decided they did not want to take advantage of that.
As I said, the lateness of their reply was quite rude, but otherwise there’s no gray area in responding by RSVP. It is a perfectly valid form of communicating. To call you at that point would just have put you in position of feeling the obligation to follow through. They most likely felt that it was not right to impose on you any more than they, unfortunately, already had by asking once.
Post # 18
I think they are rude for 1. Waiting so long to RSVP and 2. Putting you in an awkward position by asking you to bend the rules for them.
I would not make an exception for them – you have plenty of other friends who are respecting your wishes and leaving their kids behind.
Post # 19
You might want to ask around to see if any of the older children (of babysitting age) would be willing to make some extra money by watching the toddler. I never really cared much for attending weddings (when I went to family functions until I was around 18). Maybe you can recommend a sitter to watch their child during the ceremony/reception? I think if you stick with a rule, you will need to stand by that decision. Also, it might be best if they didn’t come…. I know that if I was told that I couldn’t bring my child (currently I have no children though), and I show up to a wedding and see that there are other kids around my child’s age I would be upset. Regardless of the relation to the bride and groom.
Post # 20
+1 completely agree
They should have deffinatly RSVP’d by the date. I had a similar situation, and ended up having my husband chase down his own BROTHER to RSVP for the wedding.
I get how some people dont want kids, and how some people want children. It seems wierd to me to invite infants and older kids and not toddlers? Or maybe have had the option to have them at the reception but not the ceremony if your worried about them making noise but to invite most kids and exclude the ones from 2-4yrs doesnt make sence. Either way, easiest way is to just say sorry you will be missed. I wouldnt leave my kids with someone they didnt know. But thats just me. Good luck!
Post # 21
Honestly, this whole thing is really odd from an outsider’s perspective.
You have a lot of rules & exceptions related to children attending, and nothing is really very clear, or written on the invite.
We decided to have no kids at all, in fact, nobody under 21. Because it really isn’t fair to allow some children, and then not other. Then allow some ages ranges, and not others. (of course we would have liked some kids to come and not others, but that’s not fair)
From a guests perspective, I imagine it comes across and really confusing and incosiderate.
But if you don’t want their kid there, then say no. However, if you let them have their kid there, then you can’t fairly let no other toddler attend. Idk, it’s just really odd.
Post # 22
It’s always disapointing to get feedback that you may have been rude or hurtful to potential guests 🙁 Please believe me when I say this wasn’t mine or my FI’s intention when we decided not to invite everyones kids. To re-iterate we have 8 children coming who are family, it wouldn’t have mattered what age they were they would have been invited all the same – they just happen to be in the 5-13 age bracket.
We both have large groups of friends, quite a few of whom happen to have kids of toddler age. Out of about 17 couples only 3 of them have newborn babies and as it’s a night/2 night trip away we decided that babies could attend as we knew the mothers wouldn’t be in a position to leave them.
I simply wanted a wedding that wasn’t overun with kids and as I’ve been to weddings where kids were limited to family and newborns I didn’t think this would be taken as offensive to potential guests if this was our rule. However, both Fiance and me agreed that if anyone got in touch to say this was definitley a problem then we would check our numbers and see what we could do. When this couple first enquired it was before the RSVP date so we weren’t sure how many guests were coming – they said they would look into options and let us know the situation later on. What has annoyed me is that I was waiting for them to get back to us on the RSVP date and was willing to try and sort something out but instead they made us wait a *very* long time before telling us that there was no way they could come without their child which sort of made things final and a little awkward.
Anyway Bees…sorry for that long explanation…just wanted to clarify a few things.
Really appreciate all your advice and the poll is looking pretty unanimous!!!!
Post # 23
@LadyKM: IMHO—No. I would call them and say sorry—but toddlers can not be accomindated at the reception, and let that be that. I think its terribly rude that they couldn’t even send back the RSVP in time for you. With advanced notice, it’s not difficult to have someone–a nanny, a family member–watch their child. But, I understand that they may not want to do that. I would never ask a bride or groom if I could bring my child to their wedding, if I’m not family.
Post # 24
I can bet that they’ll be upset if they did go there and found out that there were other children….better off just letting them decline.
Post # 25
I think you explained everything clearly—I’m not sure why other Bee’s think its confusing? I believe in Adult Only receptions—with the exception of family—it wouldn’t be right to exclude younger cousin’s/nieces/nephews just because of age.
Post # 26
When you exclude your friends’ children, you have to expect that many of them will not attend. It’s the price you pay for having the ceremony/reception exactly the way you want it.
For me, it’s more important for my close friends to be there, and since they all have kids, excluding children was never an option. I’ll be hiring childcare for the event instead.