(Closed) Dreaded child RSVP – help!!!!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do?

    Say sorry they can't come and leave it at that

    Extend the invite to the child so they can all attend

  • Post # 17
    13654 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    @LadyKM:  You were gracious enough to offer help of some kind, whether that would have been in accomodating their child at the affair or finding them a sitter. Ultimately, for whatever their reason, they decided they did not want to take advantage of that. 

    As I said, the lateness of their reply was quite rude, but otherwise there’s no gray area in responding by RSVP. It is  a perfectly valid form of communicating.   To call you at that point would just  have put you in position of feeling the obligation to follow through. They  most likely felt that it was not right to impose on you any more than they, unfortunately, already had by asking once. 

    Post # 18
    1049 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think they are rude for 1. Waiting so long to RSVP and 2. Putting you in an awkward position by asking you to bend the rules for them.

    I would not make an exception for them – you have plenty of other friends who are respecting your wishes and leaving their kids behind.

    Post # 19
    16 posts

    You might want to ask around to see if any of the older children (of babysitting age) would be willing to make some extra money by watching the toddler.  I never really cared much for attending weddings (when I went to family functions until I was around 18).  Maybe you can recommend a sitter to watch their child during the ceremony/reception?  I think if you stick with a rule, you will need to stand by that decision.  Also, it might be best if they didn’t come…. I know that if I was told that I couldn’t bring my child (currently I have no children though), and I show up to a wedding and see that there are other kids around my child’s age I would be upset.  Regardless of the relation to the bride and groom.  

    Post # 20
    530 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Pixienickie:  +1 completely agree


    They should have deffinatly RSVP’d by the date. I had a similar situation, and ended up having my husband chase down his own BROTHER to RSVP for the wedding. 

    I get how some people dont want kids, and how some people want children. It seems wierd to me to invite infants and older kids and not toddlers? Or maybe have had the option to have them at the reception but not the ceremony if your worried about them making noise but to invite most kids and exclude the ones from 2-4yrs doesnt make sence. Either way, easiest way is to just say sorry you will be missed. I wouldnt leave my kids with someone they didnt know. But thats just me.  Good luck! 

    Post # 21
    2884 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Honestly, this whole thing is really odd from an outsider’s perspective.

    You have a lot of rules & exceptions related to children attending, and nothing is really very clear, or written on the invite.

    We decided to have no kids at all, in fact, nobody under 21. Because it really isn’t fair to allow some children, and then not other. Then allow some ages ranges, and not others. (of course we would have liked some kids to come and not others, but that’s not fair)

    From a guests perspective, I imagine it comes across and really confusing and incosiderate.

    But if you don’t want their kid there, then say no. However, if you let them have their kid there, then you can’t fairly let no other toddler attend. Idk, it’s just really odd.


    Post # 23
    378 posts
    Helper bee

    @LadyKM:  IMHO—No. I would call them and say sorry—but toddlers can not be accomindated at the reception, and let that be that. I think its terribly rude that they couldn’t even send back the RSVP in time for you. With advanced notice, it’s not difficult to have someone–a nanny, a family member–watch their child. But, I understand that they may not want to do that. I would never ask a bride or groom if I could bring my child to their wedding, if I’m not family.

    Post # 24
    1000 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

    I can bet that they’ll be upset if they did go there and found out that there were other children….better off just letting them decline.

    Post # 25
    378 posts
    Helper bee

    @LadyKM:  I think you explained everything clearly—I’m not sure why other Bee’s think its confusing? I believe in Adult Only receptions—with the exception of family—it wouldn’t be right to exclude younger cousin’s/nieces/nephews just because of age.

    Post # 26
    168 posts
    Blushing bee

    When you exclude your friends’ children, you have to expect that many of them will not attend. It’s the price you pay for having the ceremony/reception exactly the way you want it.

    For me, it’s more important for my close friends to be there, and since they all have kids, excluding children was never an option. I’ll be hiring childcare for the event instead.


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