(Closed) Dreading Day Care :(

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Try to look at the positives.  By going to day care your child will be better socialized and have built up a better immune system by the time they reach school age!  When I was a toddler my mom was a stay at home mom but she still sent me to day care a couple of days a week so I wouldn’t be the weird kid in kindergarden who couldn’t play well with others : )

I would personally feel more comfortable with a center rather than a home day care (unless that home day care provider was a family member or close friend).  In a center the children are only with other children close to their age. In a home day care it will be a random mix.  My friend sent her baby to a home day care and when he was less than one he was left unsupervised with a four year old (who had a past history of aggressive behaviour) and the four year old hit him over the head with a toy and the baby had to be taken to the hospital.  He’s fine now but it was really scary.

Post # 4
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If given the option I would ALWAYS take the licensed in-home daycare option.  My 8 year old did that and I now have my 12 week old doing it.  The woman who watched my 8 year old became like a member of the family- like another aunt.  I like it so much more than a day care center because it is like them being in a family.  And the caregiver to child ratio is usually better.  Just make sure they are licensed.

Post # 5
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I totally worry about this too OP (and we’re not even TTC until next month after the wedding) but maybe not for the same reasons as you. While it sucks that I can’t be a Stay-At-Home Mom as we would never survive on FI’s income as a gasfitter alone, I worry more about the cost of daycare in my area bankrupting us.

In our part of Canada, babies in daycare run $1,000 a month easily. As school aged children it only really drops to $750-$700. And we would like to have three kids, but I worry we won’t be able to as (a) I would have to leave work and the financial pressure on just FI’s income would be crippling and (b) I’m not willing to have children in my 30’s for a myriad of reasons.

I’m hoping to find a job one of these days that actually offers daycare as a staff incentive-it would make my life so much easier.

Post # 6
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010


I am convinced I will be a bawler on the first day I drop my child off. 🙁

For some reason I am uncomfortable with in home daycares and nannies. I even know someone who’s a co-workers wife that does this. She has a Masters in Early Childhood Education and has worked in day cares for many years. And I am still uncomfortable with the idea. Just a personal preference.

Post # 7
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m not having a baby right now but I was in daycare/child care when I grew up.  As an only child, it was pretty lonely and this gave me a chance to socialize.

It doesn’t make you a bad mother that you work outside the home and have your child in daycare.

Post # 9
329 posts
Helper bee

I switched my son 3 times before I was content with a daycare provider. Inititally he was in a city-run daycare and after about 3 weeks there, he came home with a black eye. He had fallen and bumped his eye but I was not comfortable with the circumstances surrounding the incident and the lack of professionalism at the daycare (long story) so I pulled him. 

I then sent him to another city daycare that had a full infant class of 9-10 kids. He was sick for about 4 months straight to the point of being hospitalized in the intensive care unit of a specialty children’s hospital 2 hours away from home. Also we were forced to pay for all of the days that he wasn’t able to attend daycare because of illness, even when they sent him home. So I’d be missing work AND paying for him to NOT be at daycare. Obviously my situation isn’t something that will happen to every child, and I’m not trying to scare you but rather give you insight on my experiences. 

He is now in a home daycare with only a couple other kids and he is happier than ever, and so am I. My advice to you would be to start looking for daycare early on, and visit lots of centers and do your research. If you’re thinking of going the home daycare route, make sure you have a list of questions to ask the person providing care. (Ie: where will your child be sleeping/ask for sample menus/what is their sick policy/do they have a daily routine/ will the kids be going outside/what is their punishment policy/ask for references etc etc.) And always go with your gut instinct about people/centers. I had to go through trial-and-error to figure out what I did and didn’t want from a childcare provider but everything worked out in the end. Good luck with your search. 🙂

Post # 10
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I was there not long ago. I still wish I could be at home, but it’s working out well. I went back and forth between a day care center and a licensed in-home provider. I interviewed/toured several places. I liked the day care center because of the structure and things like back ground checks. But I came to love the idea of an in-home provider. I want who ever is caring for my child to become a part of our extended family. I want to talk to one person about my child’s day and for them to have the answers. I want them to be invested in and really care for my child.

We chose an in-home provider and I’m so happy with that choice. DS started when he was 5 1/2 months old. She had to get used to the cloth diapers since they have a stay dry liner. They didn’t feel wet to her, so she didn’t change them often those first 2 days. I also had to get used to her putting DS to sleep in a different way than I do. But when I was leaving and caught a glimpse of white peeking through his gum, she was almost as excited as I was! The way she interacts with him is just like his grandparents do. There are older kids there and they do need reminders to be gentle at times, but they love him! They always come running to greet him, and he smiles and reaches for them. They play with him, give him toys and act silly to get him to laugh. He studies them and is always watching and learning from them. The provider reminds me to bring a hat snowsuit to leave there since it’s getting colder out.

I think with in-home providers it’s so important to get references from current and past parents, to really get a feel for what is going on. I also stop by early now and then without calling. I drive by on my way to work, so before DS started, I would watch them playing outside during the summer. One day a thunder shower came up so unexpectedly and I saw her rushing them back inside out of the rain. (It seriously went from sunny/no clouds to storming in about 5 minutes). Last night I picked DS up and she and I talked for a couple minutes about some random things. She’s pretty flexible, since I have two days I have to work later. And most of all, DS loves her. He’s always smiling when I get there and he goes to her without a hesitation. DS is the youngest (7 mos now) and will be for about 7 more months at least until the next youngest turns 2yrs.

Daycare is such a hard thing to deal with, especially emotionally. But it can be a good thing too. Trust your gut. Make a list of things to ask questions about. Where DS is now is not as structured as some places, even other in-home day cares, so I had some questions once he had been there for a week or two that I didn’t think of before hand.

Also, NYS has a database that lists violations for the last 7 years. There are also child care councils in my state that operate on a local level to help you find daycare and provide help/resources if any issues come up.

Post # 11
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@nskillet: I thought the same way that you did about the socialization piece of it, since DS was just 5 months when he started. (We were lucky that my maternity leave ended when Darling Husband was getting out of school for the summer.) But even then, he really watches the other kids (1.5yrs, 2.5yrs, 3yrs and 4yrs) and now he interacts with them – laughing and smiling. He studies them, mimics them when they are talking, and they play with him making sounds, giving him toys, showing him the colors, buttons, etc… The one girl (4yrs) had a book open in front of him while he was in an exersaucer and was pointing out the animals. The daycare provider was right there watching. I just love it. It’s not much different than him having siblings IMO. You don’t get that level of interaction in a classroom of babies.

Also, an in-home daycare has more flexibility. DS was taking 3 bottles, then went to 4. She feeds him when he’s hungry, not at a fixed time regardless. If he’s sleeping when we get there, I set him in the bedroom (he’s still in an infant car seat), right off the living room with a monitor, and he can keep sleeping. I had to start supplementing with formula – no issue. We changed the kind of cloth diapers we use, no problem. Now that his poop rolls off the diaper, she dumps it into the toilet, instead of leaving it in the diaper for me to do later.

Also, I like that the 3 and 4 yr old are chatty. I talk to them when we arrive and are leaving, and they tell me what DS did that day. (“He was crying but then he went to sleep” or “he ate mashed potatoes today!!!!!”) It’s cute and uncensored, which I like.

Post # 12
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I totally relate to what you’re saying.  My mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom, so I never went to daycare, and the thought of shipping my litle baby off to daycare makes me so sad.  I would be fine with sending her to preschool or part-time daycare starting around age 2, but it breaks my heart that she will have to be away from me all day starting at 3 or 4 months.  We’re also looking into both in-home and center daycare options.  There are definitely plusses and minuses to both.  If we could afford it, I would rather have a nanny until the baby is at least 1 year old, but there’s no way we’d be able to pay for fulltime nanny care unless we find another family to do a nanny share with. 

Post # 13
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

It was really hard for me to go back to work after having Addie; no matter who you leave your baby with, you’re going to be a little upset.  It’s natural; they’re so little and dependent at that age, and you want to make sure they’re getting the best care possible (which, of course, mommies always do best  :).

For me, we started with a nanny and switched to daycare at about 9 months.  I think the daycare that best your needs and your family’s preferences is the one to go with, regardless of a center or an in-home daycare.  For us, the in-home daycare Addie goes to is very similar to center we love in town but can’t get into because of a huge waitlist.  Just like the center, our daycare provider feeds/changes/puts to sleep on demand for the first year, she only takes up to two infants at a time, she uses positive/gentle discipline techniques, she has a great child:adult ratio, and she has a lot of activities/field trips/etc… for the kids on a weekly basis.  She uses the same preschool currriculum the center uses, and she has almost the exact same contract and terms.  We love her, Addie loves her, and she loves Addie.  Most of the other kids there are older than Addie, and I was surprised by 1) how much of an influence the older kids had on Addie’s development (she’s way ahead) and 2) how much Addie bonded with some of the older kids, even when she was only 9 months old.  

Some of the things you’ll want to look for at both in-home and center daycares are ratios of children to adults and any violations against state laws.  In most states you can call or log-on to a website and get information on any violations or grievances filed against the daycare, which is really important information to have.  Also, ask around for which daycares your friends/family/co-workers use.  That’s actually how we found our daycare, and we’ve since referred a couple other people on to the same place.  Good luck!  It’s a hard decision, and it will be difficult when you get to the point of actually leaving your little one, but we’re all here to support you through the process!

Post # 14
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t have the same reason for dreading daycare as you do.  There is no way that I can stay at home because I’m currently the breadwinner in the family, so we need my income and benefits.

What I am sort of dreading is the sicknesses my future kid may catch.  I have a friend whose daughter was always sick.  There were a few trips to the ER too. Maybe this is normal for kids in daycare but it just felt like she was sick like every other week.  That bothers me but what can I do?  Not have children because I can’t stay home?  That would be devastating to me if I couldn’t have kids.  We are going to make it work like the thousands of families who also have to work. Plus, I don’t have any family around to help. 

My husband will have an adjusted schedule and I will try to work from home so our kid isn’t in daycare 5 days a week. Hopefully, it will be 3-4 days.

I know it will be tough when I do get pregnant and I have to leave my child to go back to work.

Post # 15
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can give you a view from a day care provider perspective. I worked at a Christian Daycare. I didn’t attend the church it was at. But there were about 75 kids there. We see kids who come Before/After school and they weren’t in daycare. And they don’t speak, and really are sick more often.

And it’s really hard the first week, we have kids that cry the whole day, but believe me, we are trained in how to deal with it. And we had parents who (i felt bad about this) would drop their kid off at 6am, be waiting for us to open, and they’d be late getting them at 6pm. We had quite a few M/W/F (friday was happy meal day) or T/TH kids. And when I taught 2 year olds. I’d have their worksheets the parents could take home and work on if they weren’t every day.


As for the feeding thing, we fed the kids when they were hungry. They ate when they got there, as much as they wanted, got snack at like 10am. lunch at noon. nap till 3. snack at 3. 

Post # 16
3586 posts
Sugar bee

I HATE taking her to daycare! I wish I could be a Stay-At-Home Mom, but not right now. Hopefully in a year my SO will get a job like his old one. (Our daughter is 2months old)

The daycare my daughter goes to is nice. it’s a small center and all the teachers have worked there for YEARS. That’s why I chose it, aside from me teaching GA Pre-K there.LOL Her teacher has worked there for at least 10yrs, in the same room, so it makes me very happy. A lot of centers have a bad turn over rate, not something I’d want.

I liek that I can go see wher on my break or when I go to the restroom I just look in her class. 🙂 The doors are glass, so it’s easy!

All centers aren’t bad. I did not want her going, but with the teacher turn over rate low, it’s something to think about when you do decide on a center.

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