Post # 1
Setup: I come from a crazy family. My dad is remarried (for about 17 years) and my mom got remarried 2 years ago. I have never really had a close relationship with my dad until I turned about 18. When I met my fiance I was actually living with my dad seeing how I moved out of my house in a rush after a fight with my roommate. Ever since my fiance has been in the picture I have had a good relationship with my father so he doesn’t really understand the past relationship. My mom and dad hate each other.
Engagement: When my fiance decided to propose he asked my dad for permission but not my mom. He figured my mom might spill the beans since we were so close and he figured it would be cute for her to be excited with me.
On the day he proposed my mom got mad that she was not talked to before and was NOT excited with me. She left without even saying congrats.
Wedding planning: It has been HORRIBLE. She has made this out to be the worst thing ever and everytime I try to talk to her about things she gets mad or bitter. Now we are talking about going and trying on dresses in Jan. She doesn’t want anyone to go with us. She wants it to just be us. I would love for my mom, stepmom, sister, grandmother and future mom in law to be there but she will be sooooooooooo mad if that is the case.
I don’t know what to do! HELP!
Post # 3
@countrylove: Set up multiple trips (at least two). One to make your mom shut up and the one you want with the whole gang or without her if she throws a fit.
Post # 4
Have you tried talking to her, and how her behavior is effecting your happiness during this special time? If that doesnt work I’d invite everybody, this is YOUR time not hers to throw temper tantrums, if she doesn’t like it then she is free to not go.
Post # 5
@piacavoleKt: Thanks! I will try to do that! Just frustrated that I have to do it multiple times to make HER happy. Not really fair.
@HisIrishPrincess: Yes, I have tried multiple times…she just doesn’t get it. She claims she feels left out but that’s because when I call her or talk to her about something exciting she shuts it down.
Post # 6
you will probably have to go more than 1 time anyways, bring her alone the first time.
Post # 7
i definitely think you need to go once just as you two. honestly, i have had so much fun doing it just with my mom, and i think she needs to know that you really want to do these things together. maybe pick a bridal salon that you don’t think you’ll find THE dress at and you can just try on different styles to get an idea of what you like. then maybe plan to go to lunch with her and emphasize how much you appreciate having her with you during the planning. if you think you can bring up the topic, why not explain why your Fiance didn’t talk to her before he proposed? i emphasized to my Fiance that my mom really would appreciate him talking to her, so he did call her. i’m sure she would’ve been pissed if he hadn’t.
Post # 8
We have talked about why he didn’t ask her. First just me and her then me, her, my stepdad and fiance. And she just gets mad all over again.
It’s done…can’t be changed…so she needs to move on and just get excited and happy now. Easier said then done I guess. Hopefully once dress searching begins she will realize this isn’t going away and it’s really happening!
Post # 9
Your mom is clearly being very immature about the situation. Rather than explicitly pointing that out to her (which would only make her more defensive) take the high road and show her what it means to be a mature and caring adult. Hopefully she will take your lead.
Start by doing a day of dress shopping just the two of you and express how important it is to you and how much fun you’ll have. Then you can do more dress shopping with everyone else. I think it will help to diffuse her insecurities by going out of your way to make her feel special and wanted. Yes, it shouldn’t have to be that way since people ought to be making you feel special, but it is what it is 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
I agree with the first PP. Have the first time be just you and her. do not commit to anything but take her opinions seriously. Then go with the big group to make your final decission
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Wow, your mom needs to grow up. She clearly feels like she’s losing you as a daughter – it’s more than just your fiancé not getting her approval. She needs to accept her little girl is a grown woman and to get over herself! I’ve never heard such ridiculousness.
Invite the other ladies to go with you. You should experience that with whoever you want!!