Post # 1
My mom has always been the type of person to make comments thinking she is being helpful when really she is being hurtful. I have gained about 60 pounds since highschool and ever since then I have not heard the end of it.
As an example of things she’ll say: I told her FH and I got these great bagels from a place down the street and she said “Well, I hope they’re diet bagels.” Or she’ll say “You would be so beautiful if you lost some weight.” Or “You better work on your excerise plan now because what if you only lose weight after and you regret all your pictures.”
Any time I have ever called her out on things she says, she starts crying and claiming that she’s “only trying to help.” She also hates spending money and thinks things should cost the same as they did when she was my age. I think she paid about $150 for her wedding dress 30 years ago so she thinks anything more than that is expensive. I mentioned a friend had picked up a wedding dress for a great deal ($300) at a sample sale and her response was “Sale? That’s expensive.”
So, what I’m trying to get at is that I am absolutely dreading going dress shopping for my wedding gown with her. I know she is going to say something (most likely about my weight but probably also about the price). I do not want to feel like shit on my wedding day because I feel like my mom thinks I’m fat and spend too much money. I also don’t want to exclude her from the dress shopping.
Ugh, how do I deal with this?? Anyone gone through anything similar?
Post # 3
Eeesh, I’m sorry. :-/ Honestly I wouldn’t bring her with me. I would go alone or with a close friend.
Post # 4
My mom is EXACTLY the same. I usually turn around and tell her that they are her jeans that did it to me. (Clearly a healthy relationship)
I plan on going dress shopping with her alone simply to give her the satisfaction of being involved. But also going without her and with more supportive ladies.
Post # 5
I’d also not bring her with me. Maybe go shopping with a girlfriend, and bring your mom in to see your final three choices before you buy.
Post # 6
Yikes. My mom is a bit crazy too, but she at least understands that a wedding dress nowadays under $1000 is a good deal. Maybe you should bring your Maid/Matron of Honor or an Aunt or something along to help cut the tension? Instead of it just being the two of you, I would suggest a third person…
Post # 7
My mom is like this too, and we live in different countries (her in Canada, me in WA state), so its hard for her regardless to come shop with me. I am scared she will comment on something, and I do NOT want her to come with me, so I am going to go with one of my bridesmaids, or my sister if i dont have a dress by the time she comes.
Post # 8
The only person involved in my wedding who I know would give me an honest opinion in my Maid/Matron of Honor, who lives 10 hours from me. She is coming to visit for a week or two in October so I was thinking of taking her with me then but we were supposed to go shopping for the bridesmaids dresses while she’s here. Would it be best to make two seperate appointments?
Post # 9
@GeekChic: I felt the same way you did and to my surprise this weekend when I took my Mom she was very good, it did help to have my sister there with me so I didnt have to go through the drama of it all. I think it would hurt her feelings if she were not involved but I think it would help for you to take someone else as well. Take one of your bridal party members with you and that night ease the pain of it all
Post # 10
I thought I was going to have a similar problem with my family so I found a solution in order to “manage their expectations”. My fiancee and I (we’re both brides) are both large and we both have vocal mothers and family members, so we went to the bridal store by ourselves to try on a couple that we liked and figure out what looked good. Then we booked appointments with our families so that they could see the dresses and they were not allowed to know the value, only that they fit into our unannounced budget.
It worked out pretty well…until my mother started pulling dresses for me, but she did find my dress @[email protected]
Post # 11
Feel lucky that you are able to have your mom there with you to try dresses on.
My mom lives in another state, and wasn’t able to make it up here to go dress shopping with me. She is not even going to be able to make it here for the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner. We are picking her up for the wedding after the rehearsal dinner because she wasn’t able to get the time off from work for the whole week-before the wedding like we had wanted. I am just grateful that she will be able to make it for the wedding!!
My mom is also one to make those type of comments, but I would have at least liked to have her here when I got my dress.
Post # 12
I feel you’re pain but at least she wants to be a part of this with you. My Mom completely refused to go and I had to go with my bridesmaids. It really hurt my feelings.
I hope things work out for the best!
Post # 13
I completely understand your concern. I was FULLY prepared for my mother to act the same way, BUT, she was perfectly behaved. There was no negative feedback. She was quite possibly the nicest she has ever been. Hopefully your mom acts this way too, good luck!
Post # 14
Some brides go to several wedding salons before they find “THE DRESS”. I would go on one trip with a few close friends and another with my mother and maybe another close friend(only if she does not object to it). I would also say mothers are mothers and they all drive us crazy-you are blessed to still have her here to drive you crazy! The comments may be hurtful, but in order to survive, you are going to have to play interpreter-she wants to best for you and may not mince words. Ulitimately, it is going to have to come down to how YOU feel about yourself-that is what determines what you will feel like on your wedding day.