(Closed) Dreading our upcoming trip…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You’ve got to go into it with no expectations…then there is nothing to be sad about when it doesn’t happen.  You need to spend the time between now and Jan. pumping yourself up for an awesome trip, and TELLING yourself (and others, if they are pestering you) that it’s not going to happen then.  Enjoy the present and don’t live in the future!

People need to mind their own business!  I know how you feel though. 

Post # 4
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Bbzzzzt:  I went on a big trip to Puerto Rico, and he made sure to tell me that this wouldn’t be the proposal, so I went on thinking it wasn’t. Then we had anohter big trip planned a month later, but he didn’t tell me he wasn’t going to propose. While I thought that would be it, I kept it away from my mind because he had once told me it wouldn’t be on a trip, but I thought he was telling me that to “throw me off his scent.”

I came back with no ring that time but wasn’t the least bit disappointed because I had a lot of fun. The sad thing was I had no other big events coming up.

He chose to propose to me on a Friday in Septemeber with a video he made. No big fancy dinner, my hair was a mess and unwashed, no makeup, and I was hangry and almost incapable of sitting through my own proposal (obviously I didn’t know at the point).

So, what I am trying to say is, guys don’t think like women, and sometimkes they don’t feel the need to use trips as an excuse to propose. I was proposed to on a very insignificant day. All the special days you just have to ignore the fact that you may get a ring and just have fun. You’re with the person you love in the end, right?

Post # 5
714 posts
Busy bee

This is me! We go away this Sunday to the states for 2 weeks!Everyone and their dog has mentioned about us getting engaged. Today I was arranging a meeting with a senior manager who I maybe talk to once a month and was explaining the meeting will need to be this week as ill be out of office. This manager asked where we were going, and would we be getting engaged! And this was a male manager! My 3 year old niece asked me on the phone today with my mother in the background laughing her lead off! We’re doing a 2 week trip to the states from the uk which ends in NYC and we’ll be there for the official Christmas lighting ceremony. Yeah sounds romantic except I know based on previous conversations it may not happen, but the more ppl say it the more I think hmmmm maybe?!! It’s getting annoying! I have enough waiting anxiety without all those comments!! I have no advice really cos I’m driving myself crazy too! I think when I’m actually on vacation it will be different as we’ll be busy and meeting some family and friends the first week! I’m trying to remind myself that I have wanted to go to NYC at Christmas since I was a child and to not let anything ruin this! This week I’m doing up an intinary of everything I want to see and do and try and ignore the comments!!

Post # 7
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Bbzzzzt:  yes, I’ve had the “big trip” where I thought it would happen (over an anniversary no less!) and it didn’t. TWICE! Each time, I kinda let everyone else’s excitement that it would happen pump me up, even though we hadn’t really talked about it in certain terms. So when it didn’t happen on the second trip, I was devastated. In my opinion, I ruined the most amazing vacation I’ve ever been on. DO NOT BE THIS GIRL!!!! lol. As cliche as it sounds, just try to enjoy the vacation for what it is, and don’t worry about anything else. Regardless of if you get a proposal or not, you’ll still have had a good time.

I agree with the PP that says that guys don’t think that way. And I know it to be true now because when we came back from the second trip, I sat him down and had a serious “where is this going” discussion. He didn’t understand why in my mind, vacation = proposal. I guess I didn’t really either, but I was pretty much letting other people’s expectations get into my head. Now, we’re on the same page and have no vacations planned for this year, and it just so happens that he’s just about finished paying on the ring, so I guess that whenever he plans to do it, it’ll just be special because it happened.

Come here as often as you need to vent and keep us posted!

Post # 8
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I too had a “big trip”.  He planned a super secret weekend away to celebrate my birthday and our 4th anniversary together.  EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE thought that he was going to propose.  It got to the point where so many people had talked to him about it he sat me down and told me he wasn’t going to propose, but it was going to be an amazing weekend and he didn’t want all this pressure to ruin it.  

I wasn’t really expecting a proposal, but the fact that everyone else (his parents included) thought he would propose started to get me a little excited.  In the end I was really glad he told me that there would be no proposal, because it really was a beautiful weekend away and we had so much fun!  I wasn’t patting down his pockets, peeking around every corner, digging through desserts.  He did propose 3 months later on a Thursday, right after work, he was still covered in drywall and mud.  He had the ring for maybe 20 minutes before he cracked and proposed totally unexpectedly.

My advice is go with your gut.  Tell people to calm down, you don’t need a trip to get engaged and just relax and enjoy your trip!  You know your partner better than anyone, and if you don’t think they’ll propose on this trip… they likely won’t.  Have fun on your trip.  You know a proposal is coming at some point, so what is the use in worrying about when it happens?  

Post # 9
714 posts
Busy bee

@Bbzzzzt:  we go to Chicago for 6 nights to visit family and one of my best friends who moved their recently and just got engaged ha! Then we go to NYC for 5 nights! We’ve been to Chicago before so first week we will chill out and then I have so many things I want to see in New York I need to get a list sorted! 

I think ppl are so clueless with their comments! That man in work today doesn’t even know me! He had to ask me who i was going on vacation with when I said my bf he just assumed a proposal without even knowing how long we were together?!! There’s one particular bitter woman in work whos long married and always makes a point of saying ” oh hope you get a big sparkler” she doesn’t hope I do she’s saying it to be mean! When we came back from a city break last month she said ” hi how was your weekend?” And straight away dropped her eyes to my left hand! Ahhhh maybe I’m being over sensitive!

my friend got proposed to on vacation. She thought it was gonna to happen added to the fact everyone said it to her before the trip. She ended up having a meltdown the second last night cos nothing had happened. He proposed the next day ( he had planned to) but she said she really ruined her trip. She said she would have preferred a random proposal at home

Post # 10
714 posts
Busy bee

@Bbzzzzt:  update it won’t be happening on this trip, just found some search history on the I pad and it’s looking like February 2014 in Rome I should be happy but at this stage I’m so over waiting! I sound like a spolt brat but seriously like I actually feel like crying I was pretty sure it wouldn’t be happening but I still had the hope. I actually feel like throwing up. Another 3 bloody months!!


Post # 11
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You’ve been given lots of good advice already. You definately have to just try not to think about it. Try to enjoy the trip. You want to be surprised, right? So just let it happen and let your bf do it when he’s ready. I am sure he wants it to be perfect!

Post # 12
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

@Bbzzzzt:  Okay here are my responses to your points:

1)  If you want to get married, I think it’s a GREAT thing that everyone thinks you will be getting engaged.  To be fair…it means that you two have been together long enough for people to CONSIDER you two at a time in your life appropriate to get engaged, and maybe healthy pressure from friends/family is what he needs to propose.  If you want to get married–then it sounds like it’s time for him to either propose or maybe you should consider if this is something you can live without.

2)  Why so negative?  *Maybe* an engagement will happen (Yay!) *Maybe* it won’t.  The only reason a big conversation about the future needs to happen is if YOU want it too and you are ready to have that conversation.  If you are NOT ready to leave/have this conversation, then don’t.  Not everyone *needs* to be married.

3)  Why can’t you just enjoy the trip?  And maybe you need a trip like this to finally leave expectations at the door?

SO made this HUGE BIG deal last December about me spending xmas with him.  Thought we were going to get engaged…and so did everyone else….didn’t happen. Ruined my first ever xmas with my SO (we’d been dating 2.5 years), and it made me depressed for 6 months.  DON’T BE LIKE ME.  Oh BOY I wasted sooo much time in my life that I cannot get back!  Didn’t want to celebrate my birthday, didn’t want to see my friends and go out and have fun because I was embarrassed! 

And you know what…I ruined some of my friendships.  One of my friend’s husband’s went into the hospital and I was soo busy having a pity party that I didn’t see him nearly as much as I should have…and I am working overtime to repair the friendship.  Now, if my SO proposes anytime soon, I’m hoping I will have friends IRL who want to celebrate with me and not just a bunch of bees to congratulate me lol. 

Don’t be like me, learn from my mistakes, and just get out of your head/expectations and live your life in the MOMENT and enjoy it!  You will live to regret it if you don’t!

Post # 13
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

My SO wanted to go on vacation in December but honestly I will be a little disappointed because I KNOW I’m not getting a proposal. This year or next or next or for at least the next 4 years. 

Post # 15
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well it’s all about the spin you put on it, right? I’ve been in the same situation, a big trip together with my SO in the US where we met, exactly 3 years after we met, after having been apart for a whole month… Everyone thought he would propose but I just knew he wouldnt – I know he never will, as a matter of fact – we’re going ring shopping next week and will probably get married next year if all works out, but if not then it’ll be the year after on whenever we feel like it lol – but of course he didn’t propose! Duhh! 

Yes, it can be a little hard when everyone have these kind of expectations to your relationship, and although I find it a tiny bit rude and annoying, I think you should just do what I did and put on a big grin and say it as it is: ‘ahaha, I know everyone thought that but I always knew this wouldn’t be the time, I’m tellin’ ya, it’s not him at all to it like that’. Just feed people an answer that won’t make them feel bad for you, which in turn will make you feel worse for yourself. The waiting game is best played in private inside your own head, not to be spilled out over too many people… Whenever people ask me I always just say: Listen, I know he will never propose like that, we’re just not that kind of couple, we’ll just get married some day. Everyone gets that. Try not to be upset about it, own it in stead. Don’t feel bad for yourself, it sounds like it will happen at some point so don’t ruin the trip in advance – that’s just silly. 

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