Post # 1
Hello, I rarely post but I think this may be the only place where people could understand me. Monday my adorable bf propsed with a beautiful ring. I have wanted this for a while, love him, and am excited about our future. I however, am not excited to talk about planning and feel so uncomfortable talking about it. I hate the planning because it seems that people automatically assume your parents will be helping. I lost my mom six years ago when I was 23 and dad two years later. I have very few maternal figures. Plus I don’t feel like anybody deserves that place but my mom. My brothers told me my family told them to be prepared for me to lose when I got engaged. My mom tried to prepare but it didn’t work.
All the exciting things like venue hunting, dress shopping, etc. are so hard. I just remember being her only daughter and how my mom fought with me to wear makep and dresses. She would be so exicted! I went to a venue last month and the coordinator told me he had been talking to my mom for the past two months. My bf looked uncomfortable and I just told him he may have me mixed up. I just wanted to curl up somewhere and cry. And that was just one place. What am I going to do at the bridal salon? I’m thirty years old and all I want is my mom. Just a hug, smile, advice, to be annoyed, or reassurance that I’ll be ok. The one person that I want to see my ring and gush over it or to take me dress shopping isn’t here. And she never will be. How do I stop wishing for the impossible?
Post # 3
Wow. I can’t even imagine what you are going through.
My only words of encouragment are that, as you said, your mom would be so happy for you. She would not want you to dwell on what cannot be changed but to instead focus on your beautiful, amazing future. Your Fiance will be your family now, and while nothing or no one will ever take the place of your parents, you can focus on your future.
Do you have a best friend to share these experiences with? Could you carry a photo of your mother with you to all your appointments? I know it isn’t the same but at least she would be “there” with you. You could also do something sweet and sentimental to include your parents in your wedding. You could wear something of your mothers, include a slide show, use their vows, or dance with one of your brothers to your parents wedding song.
I know it must be extremely difficult but this is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. Your parents would want you to be happy. Try to let yourself smile and enjoy every moment 🙂
Post # 4
@Ayee: I understand EXACTLY where you’re coming from. So right now. I want you to put your arms around you, and hug yourself. That’s from me.
I lost my mom when I was 14. A year later, I met my Fiance. And my dad had basically stopped parenting me when my mom died (my dad did drugs and stuff). So FI’s mom took me under her wing. I lost her a year ago to breast cancer. So lots of love and hugs from me.
I second the idea of the picture.
But if you ever just want to talk, feel free to message me here, and we can exchange info and chat on messenger somewhere.
Post # 5
Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes I feel bad talking about these things because it makes people uncomfortable. I keep a picture of her with me always and it does seem to help. And you are right, Fiance is my fam now and he is really supportive. I just have to get over each hurdle.