(Closed) Dream about an ex and now I'm feeling down (long)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Dreams are weird.

I dream a lot… and I have very vivid strange dreams to say the least.

They don’t really mean anything.

They do however often reflect something that you mind has thought of in passing… so somewhere in the last few days, you’ve realized the date… and what it means to you.

While you were asleep, your mind used that info to create the dream.

When I was going thru my Divorce I had crazy dreams about my Ex.  They were more nightmares or even night-terrors.  They were bad, because that is what my head & heart was internalizing during the daytime.

Now I rarely dream about my Ex.

BUT I often find in a dream that when dreaming about Mr TTR, that he’ll morph into my Ex… so I start out dreaming about Mr TTR and us say doing something / going somewhere… and then at some point in the dream Mr TTR will be my Ex (the time will be the same… NOW, and it will still be Mr TTR in my life / dream, but he’ll look like my Ex)

I’ve come to realize that is because my mind is confused.  In the big scheme of things I’ve been with Mr TTR about a decade… My Ex was in my life over 30 years.  My brain thinks that “My Husband” is My Ex.  That is it, that is all.

I see this happen with friends of mine all the time in real life too.  People who have either been divorced or who have had their previous partner die.  Sometimes when they are talking they’ll refer to their current partner by the previous person’s name.  They don’t mean to… it just happens.  It is because their brain has been so ingrained with the idea that “Their Partner” is named X.  So even tho it may have been years since they’ve been married to Partner Y, the brain has a hard time making the transition permanently… and the longer it was trained to be one thing (years) the harder it is to do it … more so I would imagine in a semi-conscious state like sleep.

So stop beating yourself up over this.  It was just a dream… a place your very complicated brain took you while you were “resting”.

What matters is what happens in real life when you are awake.  Period.

Hope this helps,


Post # 18
434 posts
Helper bee

@NurseMandie:  I just wanted to chime in and say that ex dreams are the WORST. My only ex was my first love and we were together for over five years, all throughout high school and some college. His birthday was about a month ago, and I had a dream the night before where he came to me and said that he wanted to be with me. I think we made out at some point. I was so conflicted in the dream because in my dreams I always still love him, but I am also always still in love with SO. I made the decision not to get back with him because I have such an amazing, sure thing with SO, and I wouldn’t want to give that up for an uncertainty. I felt so weird all the next day.

Of course in all of my dreams about him, he acts exactly like SO now. If he had done that in real life, we probably wouldn’t have broken up!! It’s still hard sometimes because I still feel like he’s a part of me because we did a lot of growing up together. The dreams are the absolute worst because they give me a glimpse into that perfect life that I dreamed of with him that was always unattainable. I love SO to death and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but these dreams every so often still sometimes mess me up for the day. Certain places also elicit these emotions – this one exit ramp actually haha. I was exiting on it today and just had this wave of weird emotions and was sad for a few minutes. But it’s never that I want to be with him again, and that’s what’s important. It just sucks that you spend so much time with someone and put so much of your energy and life and love into the relationship and you can never have it back once it’s ripped away. That’s what makes me sad about it. I know if I ran into him in real life, we would awkwardly exchange greetings and catch up for a few minutes and go our own separate ways. It would be weird as hell, and I would feel weird for the rest of the day, but it wouldn’t impact my relationship.

On the other hand, I also have dreams about SO being an asshole or cheating, and that also throws me for a loop and I can’t settle down inside until I talk to him if we’re not waking up in the same bed. Dreams can suck, but as long as you don’t actually have feelings for anyone else then real life is what matters.

Post # 20
1352 posts
Bumble bee

Wow I’m happy I’m not the only one! I dream about my ex every few months. Every time it’s an “ending” – we become friends, we get back together, or something. The problem is that I never had closure; we were in a rocky LDR and eventually just stopped talking. My brain is more upset by how it ended, rather than that it ended. I think you’re probably going through the same thing – you’re still not quite over the pain, even though you’re over him. Don’t worry about it! In a few days you’ll forget all about the dream.

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