(Closed) Dream man vs. dream career/city, can I possibly keep both?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee

Darling Husband and I had a sort of similar dilemma.  I graduated in 2008 and had gotten a job in my field and was in LOVE with my job.  Darling Husband graduated 1 year after me and (we were LD throughout college) and the plan had always been for us to find a place together when he graduated…Except he took a job in another state.  I was really devestated and angry with him. 

He moved, I stayed, We did our things for a year.  And then Darling Husband flew me out for a visit on my birthday.  And I fell in love with the place, I look at current job openings and there was literally the same job opening but in an even bigger and more prestigous organziation.  I applied and interviewed and accepted the job and moved 1 month later.

So, we ended up together.  I’m glad I stayed and did the job I loved because it made me super qualified for the next job and it was a very easy transition. 

It’s possible, but of course everyone’s situation will be different.  And Dh’s city had much more opportunity than the one I was living in, so that’s much different than your situation.

Good luck!

Post # 3
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

Welcome to the board and thanks for sharing.

You’re in a tough spot there, no doubt about it. I always say it’s best to find yourself before you find a partner.

I think you’re in the classic work vs. partner dilemma.

Is it possible or very unlikely in a few years you’ll lose interest in your current career path, or is this a burning passion you’ve had all your life?

Post # 4
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I thought miami did have a nice fashion scene? Obv not as hot as nyc, but I bet you could still get work there. 

Post # 5
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

You’re young and there are a million guys in NYC. It’s not an easy decision, but if I were you I would stay, grow in your fashion career, date lots of guys, and just have fun. You’re right that Miami can’t compare to NYC as far as career opportunities in your field. It sounds like you and this guy are in very different places in your respective lives, and you might come to resent him and regret all the opportunities you missed out on if you move to Miami now.

Post # 6
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Can you split your time between both states? Like obviously there’s a lot going on in fashion all year long but there must be some down time? i know people In fashion design and they work for big companies and obviously that doesn’t apply for them but you mentioned that your starting your own company? It could work possibly since you have the ultimate control over all your business. Idk it’s a hard place to be in either way. But maybe it could be an opportunity to do business in both states and expand your clientele. Don’t forget most NYs are snow birds (they love Florida)lol whatever you choose I’m sure you will previal! 

Post # 7
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

So you started dating when you were 17, in high school and he was… 25?

My feeling is that as the older one, and the one with an established career that he can do from anywhere, he is the one who had the agency to make this relationship work and stay in NYC. He chose not to do that, and to put you second. Don’t put yourself second, too. If you want to be in fashion, Miami just absolutely does not compare to New York. Being young and just starting your career in NYC is such a special, magical time. You’ll never get this time in your life back. Don’t give up on your dreams so soon.

Post # 8
Member
4249 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think you know the answer to this.  Obviously to him it is important to take this family business.  Obviously it is important to you to stay and develop your career.  You won’t be able to do both, and honestly I would not do the long distance thing again.  I think you are at an impasse…and I think you are afraid of the unknown without this guy.  I agree with FantasticFawn above, there are plenty of guys out there, especially in New York.

Post # 9
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee

6 years is a long time…the question becomes this: is there a way you can pursue your dream career, he can pursue his dream career, you can pay the bills, and you can be together? If the answer is no, you have to start prioritizing those factors until you find the situation that fits the most. 

Post # 10
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You’re still young. I’d focus on building up your career and your own life before uprooting just for a boyfriend. If it’s meant to be, it will work out. If it doesn’t, you’ll have so many awesome opportunities ahead of you. 

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