- 4 years ago
Thank you for reading! I appreciate the help. Sorry if the post is a little long.
Some background on us:
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 years (completely exclusive the entire time). He’s 31 and I’m 23. We met during my senior year of high school and were together for a year before I moved to NYC for college and he moved to Miami to be near his parents. After 2.5 years of long distance, he moved to NYC so we could live together. He is currently self employed and works from home so he can really live anywhere. We’ve been living together for two years now and I’ve been out of school for 1 year.
The current dilemma:
My boyfriend is trying to become more financially secure and his parents have offered him (well, both of us) their famiy business (food related franchises) as they want to retire soon. He is ready to try something new and work on expanding their business. The catch is that it involves physically being in the South Florida/Miami area, and he would need to move by July/August which is 2-3 months away.
I’m in love with New York City and with the design/fashion industry here. It has always been my dream to live here and I’ve started working on my own fashion startup. Miami’s fashion industry is not nearly as developed, and frankly its just not somewhere that I’m super excited about moving to at this point. He really wants me to move with him, but understands that I may need more time in NYC to get my business started and build the connections I need to ensure its success. But I can’t promise that in year from now, I’ll be in the position to move to Florida or that I’ll want to. But more than anything, we want to stay together.
We’ve done the long distance thing before, but that was before living together, talking about kids and marriage, and looking at rings. We also always had an “end point” to the long distance, but this time we don’t know how to come up with a timeline.
I feel like this is the time for me to explore my career, and for my industry NYC is the perfect place. I know “you never know until you try”, and I don’t mind living in Florida for a couple years, but I don’t think I’d want to live there long-term. There’s just not much oppurtunity for me (I’ve researched jobs there) and I don’t want to be involved in the family business because its irrelevant to the field that I’ve studied for, worked hard in, and am very passionate about. His new job would require a few years (at least) of physically being in Florida. Since he grew up in South Florida, he’s definitley more open to settling there long-term and starting a family there. Also with his parents getting older, I think it would be difficult for us to just go for a few years and then move away. This decision to move just feels very permanent, and for me at 23 and at the start of my career, that is a little scary. But being without him feels even scarier. But if I do move, I don’t want to do it prematurely and resent him or our relationship later on. Same goes for him: I don’t want to pressure him to stay and give up on his oppurtunity.
We are both are very honest with each other and realize that we each have great oppurtunities, but we are heartbroken that they are in different places. We are willing to do long distance again, but I’m worried that without a solid plan, the stress will start taking a toll on our relationship. I have no issue commiting to him, but I have a hard time committing to a place I’m unsure about with so much added pressure of family business, his parents, and lack of career opputunities for me.
Has anyone been in a similar position? Any ideas for a timeline/plan of action? Should I stay or should I go?
Thanks again for reading and for sharing your thoughts!
- This topic was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by rring.