(Closed) Dress Code on Invitation

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have a section about dress code on the wedding website. It’s more of a suggestion than a requirement so people don’t stress too much about what to wear and so people also don’t show up dressed sloppily.

Post # 3
Member
2266 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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hollysmith92:  There are really only three instances where it is acceptable (and encouraged) to indicate attire on an invitation:

1. If the event is black tie

2. If the event is white tie

3. If the location where the event is being held enforces a strict dress code that your guests should know about.

 

Otherwise, it comes off as you telling other adults how they should dress. I would say nothing at all about attire anywhere, since you have already mentioned that the event is not black tie (unless, of course, your venue enforces a strict dress code).

The best thing you can do to convey the formality of the event is to select an invitation that appropriately conveys this formality.

Hope this helps!

Post # 4
Member
6369 posts
Bee Keeper

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hollysmith92:  I honestly don’t think people are going to come in t-shirt and jeans.  I think anytime people hear wedding they don’t think I’m going to wear this.  Usually it’s just the time of day that helps the most on what the dress may be.  Unless otherwise specified.  Maybe just word of mouth it.  I  don’t think etiquette wise you’re supposed to say something on the invite.

Post # 5
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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pinkcorsage:  actually in my hometown, it’s quite normal to see people at weddings in tshirts and jeans! At my cousin’s wedding, her dad walked her down the aisle in a jeans and pocket tee. 

OP: Pretty much all weddings i’ve been invited to recently have had the dress code at the bottom of the invite, or on the info card. The one that didn’t I just assumed it was cocktail attire, which is my baseline for weddings. It might be “rude” but it’s MUCH more helpful, especially since a lot of people don’t really look at wedding websites. 

Post # 6
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

I live very near a wedding recption venue and I am constantley pearl-clutching   to see guests in shorts and things. The bride is  almost always in full length gown and the grooom  adn wedding party in   formal attire , yet many of the guesst look as if they    were  going to the beach or the pub. I’d risk the appearance fof tellign them what to wear  and ,  well, tell them on the invitation . No need to be utterly prescriptive, something like ‘after 5’ or ‘cocktail wear’ or whatever .   Do invitations that have a space especially for it , so it doesnt look as if  you are so  personally making a big deal ( even if you are,  tee hee)

Post # 7
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Neither Fiance or I cared about etiquette and threw it on the bottom of the invite in the corner. We also put it on our wedding website with pictures of what is and isn’t appropriate dress for our wedding because some of FI’s friends don’t know how to dress for formal events such as weddings. I still cringe at the fact that one of his family members wore jeans at his sister’s wedding while sitting in the front row. Yes the freaking front row! So yeah, if you know your guests I say add it near the bottom corner of the invite.

Post # 8
Member
709 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I put it on the website. All the weddings I’ve been to have done this. I honestly have found it helpful. Actually, I recently went to one where they didn’t put anything about what to wear and I had to go and find pictures of the venue to find out about it (Good thing I did, because it was just barely short of “cocktail”). We are a tad young, so I was planning on wearing just a nice, casual dress. I ALWAYS look for the dress code. It’s also helpful to put pictures or link to examples of what you want. Im going against etiquette and having everyone wear certain colors. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but there hasn’t been one complaint. Everyone was fine with that. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by FutureMrsKHBD.
Post # 9
Member
2963 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i put it on our reception card: “cocktail attire requested.” i went into further detail on our website (please leave the t-shirts, sneakers and baseballs caps at home, etc.), but of course we still had a few people show up in jeans and t-shirts and wearing baseball caps :/

Post # 10
Member
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We’ve put “Attire: Lounge Suit” at the bottom of the invite in smaller text. I hate not being given a dress code because you never know hiw formal you’re expected to be, and tbh many of our guests will need to know. 

Post # 11
Member
9276 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Who cares what guests wear? Shouldn’t the important thing be that they are there to support the bride and groom and not what is on their backs?

I honestly could not tell you what my guests wore….the only exception being my mum because she stole the dress I planned to wear for my hen’s night because she liked it so much.

Post # 12
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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hollysmith92:  There is no proper way to do that, unless it’s black tie, which usually only happens at super expensive weddings in the city. Black tie is like oscar formal wear where you want guests showing up in tuxes and fancy evening gowns too. I would put the word out to his family via phone conversations and such. Otherwise, major faux pas. If I could, I would tell people to dress up too, because I am in the same boat with my fiances family!

Post # 13
Member
3234 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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hollysmith92:  It’s extremely rude to put it on your invites. It’s less tacky, but still rude, to put it on a website. If someone is uncaring enough to wear jeans to a wedding in the first place, they aren’t going to care that you write it on your invite- they’re going to wear jeans anyway. But you’ll offend your guests who aren’t child minded and do know how to dress themselves properly for an event. Do people write dress codes on their invitation? Sure. But it’s still rude. 

Post # 14
Member
6496 posts
Bee Keeper

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hollysmith92:  Basically what 
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crackktheskyy:  said; unless either of those three things apply, there is no proper way to tell adults how to dress.

We didn’t make any mention of a dress-code on ours; we simply hoped (correctly, as it turned out) that the invitations and the venue/s would indictate to guests that it would be a semi-formal affair and that they should dress smartly. All the men bar one (who still wore a shirt and smart shoes and trousers) wore suits and ties; all the women wore dresses, heels, and most wore hats/fascinators.

If you are genuinely concerned that your FI’s friends and family do not know how to dress themselves (if anyone where I’m from showed up at a wedding of any sort in a T-shirt and jeans they would be in for some serious side-eye; it just would not happen, ever, and would be considered disrespectful, and quite trashy, TBH), my suggestion is that you get your Fiance to politely broach the subject with those he is close with and is comfortable enough with to have that kind of conversation. I would probably say that it’s going to be a semi-formal occasion and that your friends and family will likely be fairly dressed up. It is then up to them what they wear. Basically, you can’t force adults to dress a certain way; but IMO it isn’t unreasonable to make a polite suggestion to save them from potential embarrassment/side eye.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by barbie86.
Post # 15
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I actually don’t find it rude at all. Rather I find it helpful. Everyone has a different baseline for what is standard to wear to a wedding so if it differs it is helpful. I am from the New York area and it is normal so see dress codes listed, I never received an invitation that didn’t. I am having a Sunday afternoon wedding but at a very nice venue so I am specifying cocktail attire on my website at least 

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hollysmith92:  

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