(Closed) Dress Code Request on Invites?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

From what I gather – typically you only put the dress code on the actual invitation if it’s black tie (though I’m sure other bees can correct me if I’m wrong). 

We went ahead and put dress information on the website – but still tried to make it sound like more of a suggestion than a demand because a lot of people feel like it’s improper etiquette to tell adults how to dress. We did something like “We recommend formal/cocktail attire, but we know you are all classy dressers, so we trust your taste!”

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Monk6552.
Post # 3
Member
6263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

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Monk6552:  I thought the same thing. Re: black tie only

Post # 4
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee

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anonabon:  Usually you just choose an invitation that reflects how formal or informal the occasion is unless it’s black tie only. 

Post # 7
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We’ve included it on our invitation, but in small print at the bottom. I hate going to weddings where I haven’t been told what tthe dress code is, and I don’t want to get 50 emails asking me. No one in my family will think that it is bad etiquette or anything, and I think it is actually really common in Sweden to include it.

Post # 8
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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anonabon:  We included our website information on an enclosure card that is going out with the invites (and it was on our save the date as well!)

Post # 9
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

People should be able to intuit what’s appropriate: a backyard BBQ with e-vites is going to require different clothing options than an evening wedding with a reception at the Ritz Carlton. Unless the wedding is black tie, assume your guests are capable of figuring it out on their own. If thinks jeans are acceptable attire to a formal wedding, adding “Semi-formal attire please” to the bottom of the invite isn’t going to dissuade them!

As a guest, I’d be a little miffed if either the invite or the website listed a dress code – as though it’s a middle school dance and we need to be reminded? So just trust them to make good decisions, and realize that it really isn’t going to matter one iota at the end of the day because at least you’ll be dressed right!

(Although I see where you’re coming from, OP. I opened this thread half-expecting another one of the crazy “All my guests must wear English garden hats and white gloves because it’s my vision! How do I tell them?” or “We love the Ravens so we’re asking all the groom’s guests to wear purple and the bride’s guests to wear silver, but SIL says I’m being controlling ” threads that pops up from time to time. Glad your request is much more tame!)

Post # 10
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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anonabon:  Unless your venue is strictly black tie, you should never put a dress-code on invitations.  People are adults and should have learned to dress themselves by now.

Post # 11
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

We included our wedding website address on the invitation, and on the website, we mentioned that recommended attire was semi-formal. 

Post # 12
Member
2761 posts
Sugar bee

I personally would think it was totally normal to put it on an invite, so I’m surprised by the backlash here. When it’s not on the invite, I’d hope it would be on a website somewhere. But I’m the kind of person who likes to know how fancy or not to be, whether to do an updo, etc. 

Post # 13
Member
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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browneyedgirl24 :  The “backlash” is 2 years old.

It’s pretty easy to tell the level of formality  of an event by the venue, the invitation, the time of day etc.

Post # 14
Member
2761 posts
Sugar bee

 

View original reply
julies1949 :  Oops, sorry for not checking the date! I’d still argue it can be unclear what level of fancy something means to one person vs. another, but mostly in the case of people you don’t know well and venues you’ve never been to before! For example, I went to a cousin’s wedding (who I didn’t know well) last summer, which was an outdoor daytime affair in a garden — the ladies were very formal and wearing Kentucky derby style hats! I was glad I erred on the more formal side. Obviously, in the case of closer friends/family, it should be pretty easy to tell the vibe or just ask. In any case, not a big deal either way — no one will be remembering what the guests wore as long as it’s not wildly inappropriate. 

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