(Closed) Dress dilema… (family issues, venting)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am sorry…

I had to go by myself to look for a dress so I know exactly how you feel.

My advice: tell both your mom and fmil how you feel. Let them know how much you would love for them to be there.

Post # 4
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know how you feel, because I wanted the same thing, everyone being there watching you try on the dress so that you can have that Kleinfeld’s moment.  And I did have my mom, his mom, my aunt and my best friend there.  And you know what?  I bought a dress that I HATED because I felt like I had to buy something so that I could have That Experience.  I ended up cancelling it two days later, and two months later bought a dress completely by myself. 

Definitely tell them how you feel, and how important it is that she be there with you on that day.  Maybe suggest to your best friend that she let you know of a night when her Boyfriend or Best Friend is working late or has plans already so that you can go together then?  I don’t think that you should have to do that to get your best friend to go dress shopping with you, but if that’s what it takes.  Just keep in mind that the dress search fairytale isn’t always what its cracked up to be, and sometimes we’ve got to role with the punches. 

Post # 5
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Take one or two of the girlfriends who would be interested. If you push someone who’s not excited to go with you, you may not get the positive responses you need.

The shop you’re interested in is REALLY far away, which could also be why you’re getting some resistance. Why not go once or twice, narrow down your choices, then ask Mom and Future Mother-In-Law to come with you?

Also- you might be able to snap smartphone photos in the dressing room when the sales rep isn’t looking (at the store where I bought my dress, Maid/Matron of Honor and sales rep were in the dressing area with me, so Maid/Matron of Honor took photos when sales rep went to get accessories, etc.)

Post # 6
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Agree with PP–I too picked out my dres by myself, but I felt better doing it. No pressure from anyone to like or dislike the dress, but to each it’s own.

I would explain to your mom how important it is that she come with you. The wedding isn’t until next May, so it may be hard for your mom to feel excited at the moment. You do not have to pick out a dress right now. The styles can and will change and maybe in a few months you might find something you like more. If you can, maybe hold off a month or two. Still talk to your mom and set a date that month or two in advance so you know she won’t have any scheduled for that day. And honestly, if your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t into dress shopping, don’t take her. I could see her not being helpful at all when you are excited about a dress. Just take your mother.

Hope I was of some help :-/

Post # 7
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why don’t you want to go by yourself? Grab a coffee, blast some good tunes, and have a me-time road trip to the store you want to go to!

I really liked dress shopping alone, I went by myself on purpose so I wouldn’t be swayed by other people’s opinions and get confused.

If you want your family’s input, just ask them before you head out what they imagine you in.  

I browsed a lot by myself, and when I bought my dress, I was by myself – you don’t need to have people there for that moment, you’re still going to have a chance for the reveal at fittings or on the day, and then it’s almost even more special.

Post # 8
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I took my fiance dress-shopping with me. I know that is considered taboo to many— oh noes, the groom can’t see you in the dress before the wedding!  But honestly, who cares about a taboo?  I sure don’t!  I could have taken my sister or one of my friends, but I just didn’t feel comfortable being half-naked in front of them. Like so many women, I’ve got a touch of negative body image, and you can tell me till the cows come home that my friends won’t have anything negative to say, but that doesn’t change things; just not gonna run around in bra and panties in front of my girl-pals!

But my Mister, well, he’s seen me in the raw a million times. It’s nothing he’s not seen before. And while he can’t really give a woman’s perspective on fashion, he knows what looks good on me and what doesn’t.  It’s pretty easy to tell from a man’s reaction if something looks fantastic, or just OK, or horrible (and hopefully your fiance will steer you away from anything truly horrible).

If you want to keep the tradition of not letting him see you in the dress before the wedding day, you can get his opinion on several dresses and keep your final choice a secret, just ask him to leave when you go to pay.  He’s a guy; all he’s gonna remember is a big white dress anyway, and when you get it tailored and add your makeup and jewelry, he’s going to be wowed anyway.

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