(Closed) dress. mom. just bad. :( long vent/rant

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wow, I am so sorry for you.  (((HUGS)))  Maybe try not to let your mom in on the details, and if she questions why you are leaving her out, then explain to her that since she never has anything nice to say then you don’t want her negativity putting a damper on what’s sposed to be the happiest time in your life.  Start including your Aunt more, since she seems to have the right attitude.

PLEASE don’t let your mom get you down, whatever you do.  You are losing the weight, even if she can’t see it. 

Post # 4
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

I’m so sorry. πŸ™ I never understand how mothers do this kind of thing to their children. Mothers are supposed to be…well, mothers – 100% supportive and sweet and loving. (((hugs)))

Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Well there isnt much I can say to make you feel better other than that was just plain, rude, wrong and uncalled for on your mother’s part.

IF you like that dress you get the dress and in the mean time keep doing what you have done these last few weeks. Eat right and workout. If at some point you feel you need help from WW feel free to get it, but dont feel you have to.  Lose weight because you want to be healthier, not because your mom told you you need to.

Remember your fiance is marrying you because of who you are. Your self worth is not tied up into your looks, but the person you are. Its important to be healthy, but its also important to love yourself at your current size and any future sizes.

Post # 6
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m sorry that you are suffering through her negativity.  Just about every girl wants her mothers approval. Well we all know that she is wrong and that most likely she has hated herself her whole life.  Don’t let he dictate your love for the dress,  you had another great support system and they loved it on you.  That is what counts.  Just keep on doing what you are doing and enjoy your success.

Post # 7
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Apple Cake: oh sweety, I’m so sorry to hear that *hugs*  I wish I could encourage you, that I’m sure you looked gorgeous in your dress, and when it comes in in the right size it will be perfect on you.  Don’t let what your mom say get you down, continue with your home workout, look in the mirror and know you are beautiful.  I’m sure your Fiance believes so! πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

my mom can kinda do this too, and even though it is coming from a place of concern and wanting me to be happy and healthy, it still hurts and is very difficult to hear.  especially when she scrutinizes everything i eat and comments on facebook posts when i post photos of something i bake.  i try and ignore the hurtfulness of it as best as i can and focus on the fact that she truly wants me to feel at my most beautiful.

Post # 9
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry, so so uncalled for. As long as you are eating healthy and have no medical problems I promise you will lose the weight without needing to spend hundreds of dollars. I did it and I am the laziest person in existance. Get the dress you want, and forget her negativity. She is saying stuff like that because she is feeling insecure.

Post # 10
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh you poor thing. That’s really horrible to hear those kinds of things from someone who is supposed to love us and be nice to us. Even when reality proves differently it is hard to know it rationally. Her attitude is not a reflection of you, how you look or who you are as a person. It is one hundred percent a reflection of your mother (I’m sorry to say that about your mum). It is difficult to look at our parents objectively, but if she is not supporting or kind to you that is not your fault. The only thing to take away from that interaction is that these are her issues and not your own. Hang in there!

Post # 12
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry for what your mom said during dress shopping, it was rude and certainly uncalled for.  I hope you find a way to move past this and make the most out of the situation.  As a product of a very critical mother, I find it important to remind myself to take the high road, as there are probably many insecurities and issues surrounding your mother’s behavior.  It is not excusable and she should support you rather than bring you down.  *hugs*

Post # 13
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

I just teared up a little bit for you!  That makes me so angry!  Trust me, it isn’t you, it’s HER!  You, 9 times out of 10 (because I have no picture and my opinion on your obviously gorgeous dress is irrelevant, but if it’s the dress for you, then I’m saying 10/10), looked AMAZING!  Haters are going to hate, but know that we love on the Bee πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Holy smokes. My jaw dropped at all her comments, and especially her insensitive offer in the car. I’m so sorry. My mom and I have a similar lack of relationship. I thought we could go have fun as in “yay! mom and daughter wedding dress try-on time” but it seemed she just wanted me to try on the one dress and get out of there. She was satisfied, and not warm about the occasion at all. Dull reaction to the engagement, dull reaction to any news in my life. I realized that she and my dad were the worst two people in the world to go dress shopping with. So I went to a shoppe on my own, and then had a second visit with my Maid/Matron of Honor and bought my own outstanding dress. I’ve grown to accept my mom’s antics as her antics, be kind to her, but keep my boundaries. It is an art form unto itself, and something I still struggle with from time to time, but the situation has improved and I luckily have a great support system otherwise that makes up for her. SO! Having said all that, concentrate on you. Surround yourself with good people, supportive people, and caring people who will work with you and not tear you apart inside. Stick to your agenda, whatever it is, and be proud of the lovely lady you are. Trust that on your special day you will be stunning and glamourous and graceful, because these attributes are already a part of who you are. πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
3982 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am so sorry! My mom can be pretty rough sometimes so I know where you are coming from. Just know that, at the end of the day, you will be with the man who loves you just the way you are and things you are the most gorgeous woman alive. No matter what your mom says!

Post # 16
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My tummy turned over reading this. Why are people so mean to others? Did your mom think your feelings wouldn’t be hurt by her awful words? What the heck?!

Every bride looks lovely. Don’t let your mom ruin this for her. Just cut her out of the dress process (hello boundaries!). Don’t invite her to fittings, don’t share stuff with her.  HUGS!

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