Post # 1
So, I’m in the midst of my epic dress search. It’s been fun and stressful all at the same time. I’m leaning more and more towards a simple, lightweight dress that either has a bolero, or is fairly modest. My fiance really wants me in a ballgown, in a dress that screams, “bride.” At first I rejected the idea because I just couldn’t see myself in a dress like that because I’ve always been a semi-tomboy. Then I started to embrace the idea of a ballgown and make it my own. But now, I’ve come full circle and want a simple empire waist or a-line wedding gown. A) It’s more “me,” and B) I’m getting married in July in South Dakota. It may be storming, but it also may be blazing hot and our chapel doesn’t have AC. Sooo, a small dress seems like the wisest decision.
I told him this last night and he seemed so disappointed. I just felt awful. Later he said, “wear the dress you want to wear,” but I still feel awful. I’m beginning to realize why brides don’t involve their fiances in the wedding dress search.
Have any of you had similar experiences? How have you dealt with it? Have you given yourself permission to wear your wedding dress, or have you worn what he wanted, or have you compromised? I’d love to hear.
Post # 3
Is it in your budget to be a two dress bride? What about a fancy ball gown for the ceremony and a more simple and chic dress for the reception?
Post # 4
I totally based my dress search on what my FI likes…he likes very plain, simple designs. No bling and he hates lace. So what did I end up with? A satin, a-line strapless gown with no embellishment or lace whatsoever. I did kind of feel resentful about it during my search, because I felt limited to what I thought he would like. But I realize now that that’s my own fault–I put that pressure on myself. Your FI will think you look radiant and beautiful no matter what you wear–if it’s a ballgown, an a-line, or a mermaid (in fact, i doubt he’ll know the difference 🙂 ). He probly has this stereotypical image in his head of what brides wear, and that is a ballgown. But once he sees you, he’ll be blown away! So don’t feel guilty for wearing the dress that YOU love.
Post # 5
Like you I’m torn between the “once in a life time bridal princess” and the “i don’t want to melt and I do want to move” looks- my solution: find a really good seamstress who is chopping off my ballgown skirt and then reattaching it with hook&eyes.
For the ceremony I have the big skirt, and for the reception I have the same corset top I love, with a simple chiffon knee length skirt. (Do a search for quince dresses w/ detachable skirts to see what I’m going for)
I got my dress for about half it’s original price, so to me that meant I had a bit more to spend on alterations. In my opinion it’s sooo going to be worth it to have the best of both worlds.
ETA: If you really don’t want the ballgown skirt at all I’d say don’t do it! If you don’t feel comforatable or beautiful it will show, no matter how happy you are to be getting married. Whatever you wear make sure you love it!
Post # 6
Thanks for all the help! It’s sooo helpful to get input from other brides. Really, really, I am so grateful for this community. I think I’m going to talk to him again and explain it just like I did above and hopefully he will be disappointed for awhile, but get over it in the end. I’ve had to be disappointed and get over certain things about our wedding plans, so perhaps this is his turn, and hopefully it will prevent resentment on my part.
Oh, p.s. It’s totally NOT in my budget to have two dresses. Though that is a superb idea.
Post # 7
OK if you can’t have two dresses I agree that you should really try to focus on what you want. The girls are right that in the moment your fiance will think you look beautiful no matter what!
If you really will feel bad about not going along with his wishes…one more option would be to get an A line dress and wear a crinoline under it during the ceremony to give the illusion of a ballgown dress.. and then take it out when you bustle your dress for the reception?
Post # 8
@eholland: I also think that men often have a difficult time visualizing things that they’ve never seen before. So don’t be discouraged if you try to explain to him that an a-line gown is a real wedding gown, and he just doesn’t get it or acts disappointed. He’ll be totally floored when he sees you day-of, no matter what kind of dress you’re in.
Post # 9
Have you tried on both gowns? Get what YOU want and will feel beautiful in. But if you havent tried a more Poofy ballgown-like dress on. I would try one before you say no! 🙂
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2010 - Signature Events
Aww, it’s sweet that he cares! Mr. Parfait had some ideas of how things (and I) should look. He was convinced I needed to have a veil with a blusher over my face. I didn’t have an opinion either way, so I wore one for him. Other than that, I went with what I really thought looked best even when he wasn’t sure. And he was blown away on the wedding day. : ) I’m sure when your mister sees you in all your bridal glory (heehee) and your chosen dress, he’ll be too busy blinking away tears to think, “If only the dress were a tad fluffier…” : )
Post # 11
My husband wanted me in a ballgown.
Blegh, they looked awful on me! I wore what i wanted and he never complained =]
I think men have a very “traditional” sense of what a bride should look like. Pretty much straight out of a Mary’s advertisement with the fluffy brocade dresses =]
Post # 12
With my FI, I have shown him ballgowns, A-Lines, and mermaids. He doesn’t like a lot of embellishment and lace, but something more simple with just the right touches of embellishment. Like a band of crystals or beading or rhinestones going around it to give it some added bling. Just not too over the top. Well we have both come to truly love this one gown, it is an empress satin ballgown and has the two crystal band going along under the bust and at its dropped waist. It is gorgeous, and totally something we both love. I don’t really feel like I compromised, it is just something that we both had in common.
Post # 13
Maybe you can show him some pictures of A-line gowns in magazines to get him warmed up to the idea. I’m sure he will see some that he doesn’t like, but there are so many choices that he has to find some that he does like.
Post # 14
I think so long as you find something you feel amazing in then it won’t matter really. He may think that he want to see you in a certain type of dress – but I think it could be the same as many girls who have said “I really wanted one type of gown but I found out it didn’t work on me”
My FI and my family hated the first dress I liked so I kept looking and found something that I like even more and they like as well.
Post # 15
Before I went to dres shop I printed out a bunch of dresses and showed my FI to sort of gage what he liked. He liked all except one picture. I said ok whatever. Well when I went to the bridal store, they actually happened to carry that exact dress and guess what? That is the dress I bought! My FI has no idea what looks good on me verses the pictures. Another time i showed him a dress I bought on the hanger and his face was beyond disgusted. I put it on and he did 180! Get what makes you look awesome and trust me that is all he will notice and he will be in awe of how beautiful you look.
Post # 16
I think he’ll be happy to see you in a long white gown. Really, you must remember men conceptualize things differently. I would let it go, wear what makes u happy and I don’t think he’ll complain. I think you’re image will mesh with what he imagines in the end.