(Closed) Dress Regret?

posted 10 years ago in Dress
Post # 17
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I felt like I was expected to have a dress early on in the planning stage, so I picked one that I like enough that was on sale. I don’t know why anyone tells people to get dresses early,  looking back that logic makes no sense. 

Post # 18
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m not going through dress regret per se.. more like dress uncertainty.

Here’s what I think is the deal.. this constant oggling of dress and ring porn is due to the fact that we’re generally forced to choose only ONE of each.. and it just feels so..so… final..!  

We pick that ONE wedding gown that we’ll be pouring over the memories with in our photos, that ONE engagement ring that we’ll be wearing, treasuring and possibly passing down as an heirloom in the future.

And the truth is.. there is just way too much variety out there.. and many gowns can look great on a single bride, just like many different types of rings can look great on one finger.

With gowns especially, I feel many people develop dress regret when they begin receiving input from a friend, family member.. and the truth is, you’ll never please everyone.  So make sure you’re not super influenced by others’ opinions :o)

Post # 19
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@CBSEPT9812:  Omigosh, I LOVE the Adorae!  There’s a reason why it’s so popular – cuz it’s so gorgeous!!!  I’d still wear the Adorae proudly and make yourself the best looking bride who’s ever worn it ๐Ÿ˜‰  I couldn’t buy that gown because my friend wore it for her wedding recently!

Post # 20
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I bought a dress after being engaged for 4 days during my first shopping trip at David’s Bridal. 3 problems with this:

1. I was only engaged for 4 day – trust me, everything will look good with that new ring, that soon after you get it. Wait a while (if you have time, at least a week or 2 if not) and enjoy just being engaged.

2. It was my first shopping trip. You should go out more than once (and to lots of stores). I don’t know what those shows are thinking trying to convince you to buy a dress on your first trip! The first trip should be to get comfortable trying on dresses (and seeing yourself in white dresses) and start to figure out what you want (ball gown, trumpet, etc.). Trust me, what you love in pictures & what you love on you will be different.

3. David’s Bridal. Now, I’m sure there are plenty of brides who have fine experiences here, but from my experience (and a few other brides I have heard) they are SUPER pushy. I didn’t get left alone to make a decision for even a minute. The second they realized that I kinda liked a dress, I have a veil, a hair piece, an alterations lady showing me bustles.  They pushed & me (being newly engaged, excited to be trying on dresses) caved & bought it.

I tried it on Tuesday night (kinda realizing I regretted it) and it looked HORRIBLE (even my dad said so)

So we started over & realized we wanted to go in a TOTALLY different direction (old was a small ballgown with ruffles, decided to go with a fit & flare old hollywood style)

We took our time (8 hrs one day, 5 hrs the next – we were getting close to needing to order something to get it in on time). Went to 6 different salons. Tried on every type of gown I could think of. (Most I got on & said no immediately, but felt much better because I had tried it & could say for sure that wasn’t what I wanted). 

My advice for you: Try on as many dresses as possible, and when you’ve found the dress, try on more. Don’t stop because you’ve found it. Stop when you’ve tried everything you can think of and cannot find anything better than your dress. (This is actually the advice Fiance gave me when I was freaking out after realizing the first dress wasn’t THE dress & didn’t know how I would know I had the right dress.)

I’m so sure of my dress now! I cannot wait to put it on again! (and to prove to my sis that she’s wrong & the dress is perfect!)

Post # 21
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Yes! I too had dress regret!  I purchased a beautiful Adorae (which I am now selling)…the sample looked so perfect, but I picked it out before we had a venue.  Once we picked a venue, I knew it wasn’t going to work. ๐Ÿ™

By the time it came in I had already picked out the Pronovias Duende.   Hopefully it sells-I don’t feel too bad about changing my mind.  The bride is the star of the show! The dress needs to be perfect. 

Best wishes to all other brides on this site. 

Post # 22
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Ladyjenn:  you looked incredible! When I’m 40 I hope I look half as beautiful as you!

Post # 23
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh regret…there’s dress regret, ring regret…many of the boards’ topics have that theme running. I think it’s very much in human psychology to «regret» a significant decision, especially if it is to be made once only. One wedding dress, one engagement ring, etc. 

I think we need to acknowledge that if you keep searching for a dress after having purchased one, you will inevitably find one you like even better. It’s like relationships, you find the one you love, you commit, and you stop searching. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Commit to your dress and know that another great one might come up, especially if you look at these boards a lot!! Of course if you find a significant improvement, it might be worth considering, but if it’s just a different dress with nothing «more» to offer, try to focus on why you loved yours in the first place. 

Not easy all this!

Post # 24
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have a complicated and unique story about dress regret. My fiance and I had a short engagement, so soon after we got engaged, I went to a bridal shop with my sisters and mom. I tried on several dresses, but the store just did not have what I was looking for. My dream dress was natural and flowing, held up by straps of some kind instead of clinging to my body stiffly as many strapless dresses do. The bridal place had only strapless, but they could add sleeves by request. None of the dresses were even close to what I wanted, so after a bit I got a paniced look in my eyes and my sisters and mom whisked me away.

Our next stop was a fabric store. This was the original idea anyway, as proposed by my mother–she could make a dress for me. She made her one wedding dress back in the hippy days, and has done quite a bit of sewing. This would be quite a different task than her hippy dress, granted, but she thought she could do it.

We looked at patterns and found a beautiful one I liked very much. We wanted to make some changes to it, for modesty’s sake. See, this was the other difficulty: for years I had imagined a sleeveless gown, but my future husband was uncomfortable with sleeveless clothing because of his beliefs. I understood his perspective, thought about it for awhile, and decided I could add flutter sleeves to whatever dress I got and be okay with that. It would honour my guy’s beliefs (and my own conscience), and I did think they looked really pretty. I am a laidback, nature-loving girl who’s never been into fancy things, and I quite liked the flowy nymph-esque dresses with flutter sleeves I saw online.

So, my mom and my sisters and I bought the pattern, then bought the material. This is when I got very lost. I was not a seamstress, and my family was also a little inexperienced, so we went with what the salesperson advised us with what we got. Because of this, I spent more money on the material than I meant to, and picked a material for the sleeves that wasn’t the best for ‘fluttering’–chiffon with lace over top. This caused trouble later on when the length I imagined for the sleeves didn’t work because of the stiffness of the lace; they stuck out too much if short, and laid kind of funny if too long. I might have gone with just chiffon for the sleeves, but I didn’t want them to be sheer–again, for modesty’s sake.

The next problem in the adventure of making and altering my dress came with the collar. I say collar instead of neckline, because the back of the dress was part of the problem. My mother made the back closed, instead of slightly gaping as in the pattern. But the back came up so high that it stuck up funny behind my neck… just a bit, but enough to annoy me later. My mom sewed the V neckline a little higher, which might have looked okay, but it brought the sides of the neckline to close to each other. The final result was a neckline/collar that looked more like a stiff t-shirt than a dress, and didn’t lay against or hug my shoulders the way it should have.

The sleeves ended up kind of long, and because they were flowy flutter sleeves made with a non-flowy material, they also added to the baggy t-shirt effect. i think if the neckline had been wider, like a boat neckline, and the amount of material on my shoulders had been less, they would have looked beautiful. But as it was, the sleeves were one of the things that later plagued me.

Now, when I say “later,” I mean “later.” I fretted some about my dress as my mom was working on it, but I kept telling myself to wait for the finished product. However, the dress did not end up completed until basically the morning of my wedding. My mom was helping with a zillion other things, in this very cheap, very DIY wedding, and this was the hardest project she had ever sewn before, and she had to keep it out of sight of my fiance and out of reach of two toddler grandchildren. And to add to all that, I had been losing weight this whole time. I had already lost a lot of weight before getting engaged because of a stomach problem, but in the next 3 months I somehow lost even more. I really didn’t mean to–I guess the nerves just got to my appetite. Every time my mom had me try on the dress, I seemed to be skinnier. Already overwhelmed with the challenge of making a dress, my mom now had to figure out how to take it in… and take it in… and take it in…

So, on the busy day of my wedding, about half an hour before my ceremony, my sisters helped me into my dress, completed for the first time. They stuck a cute bow on the back my aunt had made, and we agreed we actually liked (though it later got crooked), buttoned up those pretty white covered buttons sewn onto that pretty, expensive lace, and rushed me off for my makeup. My wedding day was a joyful blur, so full of family and friends who loved us and special, symbolic acts of love to each other, I didn’t have time to think about how I looked.

In fact, it wasn’t until we got the photos a few months later that it finally started to bother me. Looking at the pictures, I realized: I didn’t really like how I looked. The lace and silk and chiffon were beautiful, the baby’s breath and veil in my hair were lovely, my smile was genuine… but my dress just didn’t fit. The fitted bust wasn’t fitted, but kind of sagged down a bit. The waist didn’t hig my slender figure as I thought it would. The shoulder fabric looked bunched up, and the “collar” in the back looked funny. It didn’t help that the hairstylist and my well-meaning sisters had pressured me into a hairstyle that I didn’t really think I liked, and that only seemed to accentuate my falling-apart, non-bridal look. I wanted natural and relaxed, but… not this relaxed.

The awful thing about this is that I feel I have no right to feel this way. I was the one who chose these modesty requirements (though with knowledge of what my fiance thinks), I was the one who bought the fabric, I was the one who trusted the dress in the hands of my mother–who waffled somedays between confidence and “Are you sure you want me to do this?” And for crying out loud, this dress was made by my mom! I mean, how special is that? One side of me wants to be proud of my dress. I didn’t buy into the appearance-centred, expensive, self-spoiiling mentality that drives some other brides. I didn’t give into the idea that more skin=more beauty, or that everyone has to see every good thing about my body. My husband loves my body, and enjoys seeing it in all its splendour quite frequently. Our guests were there to see us get married, not there to see my hips and bum. And the preciousness of having a handmade, mom-made dress–desgined through team effort and crafted on the same sewing machine my mom’s dress was made on–is worth a lot.

But… I have given into the idea that your wedding day is about looking like a princess. And feeling as if I didn’t look my best is, quite frankly, devastating. After years of low self esteem and mild chunkiness, this was the first time in my life when really, I looked hot. But no one can tell that looking at the wedding pictures of me in my saggy dress. This was the only wedding I’ll ever have, unless my husband dies and I remarry (which I sure hope doesn’t happen). This was, society tells me, my only chance to be the most beautiful I could ever be. And I feel like I missed it.

One or two friends told me how “perfect” and “beautiful” my dress was. But not too many others made comments, which makes me feel worse. To be honest, I’m not sure what to tell myself. Move on, of course. Get over it. The wedding day was glorious, and wasn’t just about you or how you looked. But in today’s world, where people relish in their wedding photos for years on end, keeping their pretty bridal face as their profile pic forever, all this is kind of hard to do.

Sorry for the long story, girls. I’ve shared my feelings with my husband, but he can’t quite understand me the way a woman could. Any comments or advice?

Post # 25
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I too am having a little case a dress regret. My story starts off with looking online and seeing what I like.

Then my brother was in a serious motorbike accident in June 2013. After months of sadness, and gloom. Mum and I went looking at dresses. Went to one shop, where they only had 8 or so dresses in my size(Im a size 16-18 Australian street clothes) and out of the hundreds of dresses, only 8 in my size. Nothing I really liked. 

on to the next store, tried on one. no deal. tried on the next and mum cried, so the assistant took it upon herself to convince mum it was the best dress ever(even at 2 sizes bigger than my body). And that the dress was on sale and we’d better hurry up and buy it. before I had even taken the dress off, the assistant had convinced my mum that I loved it, and then took her credit card. 

I cant bring myself to tell mum that the dress isnt ‘the one’ as it was the first time she had been happy since my brothers accident. but then again, is my discomfort(for lack of better words) and what I would like to wear worth hurting my mum? I dont know. Im not one to hurt people, so Im at a really hard crossroads here..

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