- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
As a bride who has experienced doubts in her wedding dress search, I was mulling over why exactly we have dress regret.
I went to two bridal shops, and tried on about two dozen gowns and picked the one I had been lusting over for two years. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I was second-guessing myself. Did I really make the right choice? Maybe I should have seen more gowns? Maybe this is wrong? It couldn’t have been THAT easy right? Wasn’t I supposed to cry when I saw my dress?
Well… here are my thoughts on these questions which I myself had to struggle with, and let me see if I can bring to light what’s behind these and a million other doubtful thoughts:
Disclaimer: These are only my opinions and are no way a blanket generalization meant to apply to all brides.
1. Did I really make the right choice?
At some point, I think we have to trust ourselves and say “yes, this is it.” It may be that the dress is the exact vision you’ve dreamed of since childhood, or maybe it just ticks all the boxes in your requirement checklist, or maybe, heck, it’s because it’s just so darn pretty!
I think it’s not a question eventually of a dress, but of our own self-confidence. How do I know my fiancé is the right choice? Well, he ticks off all of my ‘must-haves’ in a partner, and when I look at him I can imagine him as the father of my children and growing old with him. And that is what makes me confident in saying I made the right choice. Same goes for a gown, the right gown will give you the confidence to stand up for your choice.
2. Maybe I should have seen more gowns before deciding?
Well, unless you absolutely have no idea what kind of dress you want, ‘more gowns’ is a relative term. I had three dresses that I absolutely had to try on. You may have 20. If I found my dress after three tries, does that make it less special than if I found it after trying on 30 other gowns? I don’t think so.
It’s the same way with men and dating. Maybe your fiancé is the only man you ever dated and you just knew there would never be anyone else. Or it could be that he was the millionth man and you finally found him. Do I have to try on every wedding dress ever made just so I can say “yes THIS is the one and I know for sure coz I tried them all”? Heaven’s no. I’d be 85 before I tried on all the dresses in every bridal boutique in town, let alone the whole world.
As the saying goes… “when you’ve found the one, stop looking!” Have some standards, a vision, and you’ll feel good about the dresses you try on because they are what you want, and choose from there.
3. Maybe this is wrong? It couldn’t have been THAT easy right?
A lot of things in life aren’t easy, so if your dress search was relatively painless, count yourself lucky! I cringe at the thought of having to try on 100 dresses because after being zipped, pulled and clamped into five dresses I was getting tired! And I’m a girl who loves shopping and trying on dresses!
So if it was easy… then bravo! Besides… there are a lot of other things to agonize over in wedding planning (blush pink or margarita pink napkins?!), save your energy for those battles.
4. Wasn’t I supposed to cry when I saw my dress?
I think we watch entirely too much SYTTD if we expect all brides to cry when they find “the one”. I went dress shopping with a dear friend for her gown, and after five minutes of critically looking at herself in the mirror she nodded and said “yes this is the one, I’ll take it!” To this day I think of her as the perfect example of a calm, cool, confident bride.
Maybe you’ll cry when you see yourself in the dress on the wedding day. But if you’re just not one for emotional displays (and even though you’re doing a little jig inside) I think it’s totally ok if your tear ducts stay totally dry.
5. But there’s another one I can’t get out of my head…did I make the wrong choice?
I have to admit, this is the question that was haunting my dreams for the past few weeks. I had two dresses in mind. Both beautiful, both very “me”, both venue- (and everything else) appropriate. One was more glitz and glam, the other was elegantly simple. In the end I had to ask the Hive’s advice, because sometimes it does take a village to pick a wedding dress.
I chose to stick with my original love, my glitz and glam gown because in the end that dress embodied how I wanted to feel on that day (once-in-a-lifetime-special) vs. the elegantly simple dress (which is more my everyday style). I simply chose the dress that reflected the side of me that I wanted to see on that particular day, and I think that’s the best advice I got from the Hive.
Will I ever blow away the image of the ‘other’ dress in my mind? No, definitely not. But you know what? I look at other pictures of myself in the gowns that didn’t make the cut and I also smile fondly at those dresses. There was one dress my sister absolutely loved (a very fitted mermaid number), and I honestly looked darn good (and sexy!) in that dress too, but it wasn’t the version of “me” I wanted people to see on my wedding day. People aren’t one-dimensional, so it’s totally understandable that, as brides and multi-faceted individuals, we will probably love more than one gown because it speaks to a different side of us. And that’s ok.
Whew… ok that was a long one! I hope my brain dump helps some other brides experiencing dress regret!