(Closed) Dress Regret: One Bride's Reflections on the Phenomenon

posted 5 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@bellaingenue:  Excellent post!  You captured a lot of what I went through.

 

My main issue was my initial lack of interest in the whole wedding thing.  I only got serious about 3.5 months out from my wedding date, only because things HAD to get done and my Fiance – who’d been “project managing” the wedding planning up to that point – got busy with work and graduate studies, so I ended up taking over the bulk.  At this point, I didn’t have a dress, had no clue what I really wanted (initially thought something very simple – mostly liked gowns from J. Crew).

 

I almost ordered a gown from J. Crew, but one of my bridesmaids convinced me to visit a bridal salon, to try on similar gowns to what I picked online to make sure that it would actually work for me.  We visited one close to my workplace during the lunch hour and I ended up buying a simple A-line gown on the spot because 1) it looked good, 2) the price was WAY too good to pass up, 3) I could buy it and take it home with me right away.  I actually LOVED it at that point – I’d look at pics of it and be so excited.  

 

But then about 2 weeks later, I went for my first fitting to get it hemmed with the shoes I’d be wearing.  Aaaand… the love was gone.  I looked at myself and thought, “why did I choose this dress again?”  After that appointment, the regret set in fast and hard.  A gown that once made me excited and giddy now made me feel like I would not look good on my wedding day.  What the heck had happened? It’s because I was starting to *gasp* ENJOY wedding planning that I found Weddingbee, bought a bunch of Bridal mags, and would flip through all the gorgeous looking gowns day in and day out.  It opened my eyes to ALL the possibilities for wedding gowns out there and I felt so regretful that I hadn’t take myself out of the box and tried on different styles.  I was so dead-set on “simple, A-line, no bling, no fuss” when really, I was drawn to tulle, lace, poofy!

 

So after a few days of agonizing, I went back to the bridal shop where I’d purchased my first dress and I actually broke down and cried in front of the owner.  Thank goodness nobody else was there.  She was so incredibly thoughtful and asked if I wanted to try on different gowns, and I figured.. why not!  I was all alone in the shop and it was the perfect chance to just take it slow.

 

And then I found it – lace, tulle, poofy – check!  The owner gave me a great deal on the sample that fit me perfectly – only had to be hemmed.  I knew that this was the dress I could see myself walking down the aisle in.  

 

I still look at wedding gowns.  I still drool over beautiful poofy lace tulle gowns and sometimes think, “oh I wish I would’ve tried that on!”  But now I’m a lot more confident in the choice I made that I wouldn’t go for another dress.

 

Post # 4
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Great post!

Post # 7
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think brides have a lot of pressure to look “perfect” on their “perfect” day.  I really only fell in love with one dress (the other dress I fell in love with is way out of my price range, even used), and the day I tried it on I tried on 5 others.

I can’t say I had dress regret, but I do have doubts now and then.  One time when I was at the bridal salon for bridesmaids stuff I found a beautiful Maggie Sottero (Rihanna Royale) that I had a crush on for a while.  In the end it’s not really my style and I do think the one I purchased is much more “me”.  It doesn’t hurt that Fiance loves it too and loves seeing me in it.

Funnily enough the day I picked up my wedding dress there was another girl in the salon trying on the Rihanna Royale.  We both looked at each other and exclaimed, “THAT dress you have on is so beautiful!!!”

We also have so much time between ordering the dress and actually wearing it for other people, so we have time to think, “Gee, did I make the right choice?  What if I fall in love with the next season’s collection?”.

Post # 8
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think the best advice to follow when choosing a dress is the same for any piece of clothing. If I see something at the mall that is a little hefty in price but ‘ITS SO BEAUTIFUL I HAVE TO HAVE IT!’ I leave. I walk out of the store and go home. I actually never purchase something I love that much on sight until I have left the area to think about it. My rule is that if it ‘calls to me’ (lol) two days later I can go back and if its not there it’s not meant to be. This has saved me from a lot of buyer’s regret.

Transfer to dress shopping. I tried on three dresses and finally she brought me the one I had been pointing to since I walked through the door. I put it on and it was perfect. (I was like OP, no tears) AND it was on this CRAZY sale! The lady tried over and over to get me to buy the dress and I refused. She told me it was going to go off sale that day and I wouldn’t see those prices again.

I didn’t care; I had read too many posts of dress regret. I wasn’t going to buy the dress while I was all hopped up on endorphins and adrenalin from my fam freaking out ‘how beautiful’ it was. NOPE. So I left.

I looked it up online. I looked at customer pics. I found it in a magazine. And it always looked great. I made an appointment for two weeks later. I went in tried it on again and THEN I bought it on the spot (for about $200 more then I could of two weeks prior). BUT I knew I would have zero regret. None.

Don’t be fooled by saleswomen and adrenalin into purchasing something. Try it on – go home and then go back later if it ‘calls’ to you. It might sound silly but all of those deals they give you for buying it at your first try-on are there for a reason, they want you to have dress regret – it makes them a profit. WHY DO THINK NO ONE ACCEPTS THESE DRESSES BACK?!?! They are going to profit off your ability to get shoved into a purchase you aren’t sure of. You will get ‘store credit’ but only in remote circumstances – and that’s so they are sure they are still digging in your wallet.

Post # 9
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I love everything yu said above and couldn’t agree more.

 

I myself suffered dress regret after a first round (went to two salons, tried on about 10 dresses maybe, limited budget, couldn’t get what i wanted, and eventually our wedding date changed due to financial and other issues…). That first dress represented a few things that I wanted to put behind me. It was gorgeous and paid for, but at the end of the day I wanted a dress that reflected on the outside how Fiance makes me feel on the inside.

 

I played the guilt game for about 2 months before I realized I wasn’t going to make peace with that other dress,…it was worth it to search and find one I truly felt like a bride in (the other felt like a prom dress to me in a lot of ways as well).

 

Honestly I wished I had waited, and found WB last year before I started because I would have taken my time and not compromised right out of the gates. Had I waited I would be $500+ ahead right now. But in the end, I definitely relate to those brides that get dress regret because I’ve been there. As much as I hate to eat that $500+…I wouldn’t trade my new dress for the world.

 

Still look at dresses all day long, but nothing compares…thats how I know personally that its ok to admire but I already have the best one for me ๐Ÿ™‚ I love how you coorelate this to finding the guy, I think that is right on the money lol

Post # 10
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@suburbian:  SO TRUE!

The first dress I stupidly purchased wasn’t even what I had envisioned…and they had a zero return and zero exchange policy. I knew this going in…should have waited and gone back, but got caught up in the excitement of it all.  

 

 

 

I also wanted to point out that the second hand market right now is HUGE. Had I known that when I started it would have put a whole new spin on dress shoping in general. I cannot BELIEVE the deals you can find second hand, or even NWT dresses of brides that do get regret and have to sell.

 

Post # 11
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@beautifulmama28:  I wish we could riot against that zero return policy…I mean especially if it hasn’t even left the store. Seriously. If they can pressure girls into making that purchase but they are allowed to return I think they would become WAY more interested in trying to find her the dream gown rather then on just making a sale.

I’m all for capitalism and all but I seeing people get fleeced and scammed like this just for profit makes me pretty sick.

I’d like to go further and demonize the rest of the industry (ie: venues, rental companies, Bakers, Caterers, DJ’s, etc etc etc) but I’ll stop here ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@bellaingenue:  YES! Love it! Very well said and precisely what I’ve been thinking for a long time!

Post # 13
Member
1004 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@suburbian:  Yep, I agree.  I asked why when I was informed about it and was told they have issues with people wearing them and bringing them back for their money back.  #1 as you said above…if it hasn’t left the store WHY is that an issue?

Most brides dont even take their dress until a week or two before.  I think this is a loop hole and an excuse as well. They specifically pointed to people doing this with prom dresses, but again if dress has not left store at LEAST allow store credit bare minimum.

 

And I’m on board with you…the thing that irritates me the most is the wedding cake.  if I walk into my local famous bakery and ask for a birthday cake it runs about $1.75 a slice.  Say its for a wedding?  Price just went up to $3.75 a slice…REALLY?!! lol I didn’t know wedding cake was golden and all others were made of lesser quality ingredients haha

Post # 14
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@beautifulmama28:  It’s an industry thing. I originally went to my florist under the guise of throwing a big birthday party. Eventually she caught on but not until quotes were made. So I got low prices AND a contract signed. lol

I’m thinking of telling the rental company I am hosting a traveling theater troupe.

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