Post # 1
Let me preface this by saying that the fi and i have been dating for 10 years, since i was 15 and he was 17. Now the time has come (finally!) to start my search for the perfect dress. I have my first appt. next friday and i’m going to bring my fiance, and two if my bm’s. I have no superstitions about him seeing me in the dress and i dont feel like it will “ruin the suprise” but having him there. we go shopping with each other all the time, and honestly, his opinion is the only one that matters to me. We’re both really looking forward to this and are very exctied. However, my Maid/Matron of Honor is not pleased with my decision to invite fi along and flat out refused to be go with me to the appt becasue of it. my Maid/Matron of Honor has been my BFF for about 8 years and i’ve always known her prefrences for the marriage process were very traditional. but seriously? refusing to go bc fi is going? and they get along great, its not like they have ever had any issues. She says she isnt upset with him or me but is “hurt” by my actions as if i’m doing this purposly to hurt her. we have talked about it and while she still refuses to go, she does understand that this is my wedding and i do not feel the need to be “traditional” about the process. She says she just cannot understnad why i want him there and will not accept that he will be there and “won’t be a part of the dress selection as long as he is present”. things will be fine with her, i’m not worried about it but it got me thinking… My question is, how weird am i for wanting fi there with me? How many of you bees had fi with you or got his imput?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t ask my Fiance to go with me, not for good luck bad luck reasons, just because I want him to be surprised. But there’s no weird issue about it. Doesn’t matter.
Your Maid/Matron of Honor is seeking some serious drama. Remind her that its not her wedding and that she’s only there to support you whether she likes your decisions or not. Thats what MOH’s sign up for. Its not an easy breezey job. And honestly, if her time comes, she can do what she wants. Until then, these are your decisions that shouldnt irritate her. Im sure she is a lovely friend otherwise, but about this, shes being a baby.
Post # 4
while i could not even picture what it would be like to go dress shopping with my Fiance, i do not think you are weird for it. unless weird means “not normal or average”. because i am sure it is uncommon, but there is nothing wrong with it! in fact, i would have been happy to have Fiance there and get his opinion, the only reason i didn’t ask him was because it didn’t occur to me. and it didn’t occur to me because i know he hates shopping more than i hate playing video games! lol. i think he would admit me to a loony bin for even suggesting he come wedding dress shopping with me!
but, that being said, i went with my friends, i also went alone a couple of time, and i took pictures and because i was so indecisive, i made Fiance look at the pics and give me sincere opinions. so he did help me pick it out in a sense. in fact it was his analysis between my final top 2 that swayed me to pick one. what he said about it was so important that there is now no way i could have dress regret! – so i voted “other”
and i say if you want to bring him, then bring him! your Maid/Matron of Honor needs to grow up and realize this is not about her.
Post # 5
I say there’s nothing wrong with wanting your Fiance to be there. More and more brides are doing this. Personally, I didn’t want my Fiance there because like NorthernLights I also want it to be a surprise. I just feel it is so special and get giddy at the thought of the first moment of him seeing me in that dress being when the church doors open and my father is walking me down the aisle. (Plus I think no matter what I do to fix myself up, by the time I’m finished trying on dresses I look a hot mess. I want him to see the whole package all done up and spectacular to get the full effect, hair, makeup, jewelry, etc) I also really liked having that time with my mom, my best friend and my future mother in law. It was definitely a bonding experience for all of us.
As far as your Maid/Matron of Honor goes she needs to suck it up and be there for YOU. She’s being a little ridiculous to say the very least. And as the other bees have stated, this is not her decision. She needs to show some respect and be there no matter what decisions you make, whether it be who goes with you to try on dresses, or in your everyday life. That’s what friends are for!
Post # 6
I voted for ‘other’. I selected a dress the store didn’t have and was afraid to buy it without having seen it. So Fiance convinced me to get it nevertheless.
Post # 7
@eeestrad: I didn’t take my FH to help me pick the dress but it’s only because I want it to be the first time he ever sees me in a wedding dress. At the end of the day this is your wedding, your day and your FH so I can’t honestly understand what the Maid/Matron of Honor has a problem with. If you wanted to take your FH to her dress fittings I could understand but as far as I can tell she shouldn’t have a problem. Your values are your values and it’s not her that’s getting married. I mean would she object if you say, for example, decided not to have favours or send out invitations – would she decide not to come to the wedding??? The picking of the perfect dress is still all about you and opinions on how you want to do this should be set aside. The only opinion really needed is if it;s the right dress. Sounds like an odd lady.
Post # 8
I took Fiance with me the first time I tried on dresses. It was great. If I picked one of those dresses, I would have gone back to buy it later so it’d still be a surprise.
By The Way, tell your Maid/Matron of Honor it’s your wedding.
Post # 9
I did not bring my Fiance but it’s not that I didn’t care what he thinks. He wanted to be surprised and see it all together on our wedding day.
Post # 10
My ex hubby and I went to like, 30 shops together! We had so much fun with me trying on a zillion gowns and him taking pictures. Then again – the man could SHOP! He loves clothing and fashion and I STILL tease him that he has more shoes than me, lol!
The only thing I regret is that I left the final decision up to me because I also wanted him to be surprised. The one thing we both didn’t like was really puffy sleeves (it was 1997 – they were in) and he really favored mermaids or columns. But….I ended up with a huge puffed sleeve poofy gown. I had dress regret but what are you going to do? Plus, he was a really honest person and when I asked him what he thought of the gown at our reception he said that honestly, I looked pretty of course but that he was a little disappointed in the dress I chose >.< That sucked to hear. He wasn’t being mean or anything, just honest. But I wish now that I had maybe let him help me narrow down the choices.
Have a great time!
Post # 11
frankly, who would you rather have there? it sounds like you value fi’s opinion more than moh’s, and that’s fine. it’s a shame she can’t be supportive, but you have to do things how you want.
Post # 12
Although my Fiance did not come with my when I went dress shopping, he gave me some likes and dislikes (mainly the latter). Even though I may have been interested in trying some of these on, I stayed away from mermaid/trumpet style gowns, sheath silhouettes, heavy beading, tulle, halter necklines and satin. Those were the things he told me he did not like. I had some guidelines to work within, but ultimately I picked the dress out alone. I didn’t even go with my girls or my mom when I got my dress, just because everyone’s opinion seems to overwhelm me.
One thing I have learned in this wedding planning process is that you can’t let other peopel get to you. You need to not take things personal, and let people have a stinky attitude if they want to. That being said, if your Maid/Matron of Honor is gonna act like (fill in the blank) then just say “OK.” Go with your Fiance. If it’s important to you for him to be there, then just go along with the plan. Either your Maid/Matron of Honor will come around, or she won’t. Don’t let it get to you. 🙂
Good luck. I bet you guys will find a wonderful dress.
Post # 13
I think it’s perfectly great and normal to want your Fiance there with you! Everybody else has said the things I’d say on that part, but I thought I’d throw in something on your Maid/Matron of Honor problem…
I don’t think that this would excuse her attitude in the least, but is it possible that she might be feeling territorial of you as her bff and feel like your Fiance is somehow “horning in” on girl time? It’s probably not a very accurate POV for her to have, and she does need to understand why you want him there, and I do think it’s rude of her to raise a stink… but that might be part of why she’s acting that way.
One of my bridesmaids and I had a similar problem — she seemed really upset when I involved my Fiance in an event where I really wanted him there. I was pretty miffed at her attitude, but we talked about it later, and she admitted to me that she gets jealous of how much of my time my Fiance gets and missed getting to spend the friend-time with me that has been in shorter supply since things got serious with my man. I felt really glad that she had the courage to be so open with me about her feelings, and I’ve been trying to make an effort to be a friend first, rather than a “bride,” with all my bridesmaids since then.
Like I said… it doesn’t excuse her case of ass. but this may be something she’s secretly looked forward to sharing with you as a special experience, just between girls, and she may be dealing with having that anticipation crushed by lashing out in an asstastic way. Just a thought.
Post # 14
Nah, I don’t think you are weird. If my Fiance had his way, he’d NEVER EVER go shopping with me. Actually, I wouldn’t mind him coming with me to go dress shopping. I understand your Maid/Matron of Honor is traditional and she can’t come. Sad. Just leave it be. You said she’d be alright. Now, go shock her more by telling her you are going to do a ‘first look’ 🙂
Post # 15
I think this is something that is completely unique to the couple and the individual. I’m with you that I don’t feel superstitious about him seeing me before the big day, but Fiance is VERY adamant about not seeing my dress, or even knowing anything about it.
It seems a little strange to me that he’s so completely set on not even knowing what color it is, but I also think it’s sweet. His theory is that you only get so many chances in life to have big surprises, and he wants this to be one of them.
Post # 16
We’re eloping so my fiancee is the one that’s going to have to help me get into it 🙂 I did give him the option of going or not and he said he wanted to be involved with this decision. In the end, it’s up to me which one to buy, but it’s nice to know he likes it too 🙂
On the other hand, my sister is getting married next summer and her fiancee wants to have no say. He doesn’t even want to see pictures of the ones she’s tried but not getting.