(Closed) Drinking too much for my liking.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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DariaVixen: It is difficult for me to respond to this post, knowing all of the other posts you have made about this man. Taken on its own, this would be a very serious problem. But taken with the other posts that you have made about your SO, I think you should be very curious why you are so invested in a person who does not treat you as a priority, who doesn’t seem to want to be *present*–with you, or in his own life. It’s not surprising that he is going out and getting blackout drunk multiple times a week, because he doesn’t seem interested in putting the work into building an authentic, emotionally-connected life with you or on his own.

You are doing all the work of holding this relationship together. You are sharing your emotional needs and covering for your SO when he ignores them. Why? Even ignoring the question of “should I give him an ultimatum, should I stay with him,” your posts paint a picture to me of someone who is not investing in her own life. Why? Your instincts about this man have been spot-on. Trust yourself. Trust your interpretation of events. Figure out what your dealbreakers are and commit to them. Figure out what you want and need to flourish in this relationship, to feel completely loved and secure and like you have the support you need to tackle the world. Communicate what you need to flourish. Pay attention to what he does in response to your needs.

This man is trying to escape his own life. Do not participate in that.

Post # 3
Member
5938 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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DariaVixen:  I don’t know your past posts, but this is a serious red flag to me. If he doesn’t slow way down or stop or get help, I’d be out of there and I’d tell him that. He’s making excuses for his drinking which is what people who over indulge in <insert vice here> do.

Post # 6
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee

If he is getting blackout drunk the night before he is going to work probably still under the influence. The thought of a cop driving around who got blackout drunk the night before is very disturbing.

He is surely violating his terms of employement. I wouldn’t be with someone who put others at risk by making such stupid decisions and I wouldn’t want your bf to be a cop in my town.

Post # 7
Member
9841 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

He’s an alcoholic IMO. Being in a certain line of work is not an excuse for a grown man to be black out drunk multiple times a week.

Post # 9
Member
3067 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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DariaVixen:  Hi! I think he is probably using drinking as an outlet for work stress. Being a cop is HARD and its super super common for cops to be huge drinkers.  I know TONS of cops who binge drink. Its part of the culture, so he is surrounded by people who do the same thing.

Maybe approach it like that and see if he is receptive to change. He needs a new healthy outlet for the stress Since his father was a life long drinker, he already is predisposed to alcohol abuse/ alcoholism. 

My DH is a cop so I get it and get the culture.  Lucky for me/ him he isn’t a drinker. He drinks occasionally but rarely gets drunk. He is really really into MMA/ Jiu jitsu and that is his outlet for stress. 

ETA: You need to sit down with yourself and evaluate if you are to be with him, can you tolerate the drinking. Its totally OK that you can’t, and now is the time to walk away.  You cannot change people, so there is the chance that he is perfectly content with how things are and does not want to change. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
Post # 10
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

lookingforadvice77:  +1  OP, you’ve been with this guy, what, about 9 months?  And you’ve thought about leaving him several times and made a post every couple of months that essentially says he isn’t treating you well or being a good partner to you.  You really need to just end this.

sara_tiara:  Great GIF.

Post # 11
Member
3067 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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HannahGrace:  I didnt know the back story

OP if you already have a rocky relationship, just end things now. Being with a police officer is hard even under the best circumstances and the divorce rate is 75% (or something) for a reason.. maybe its best you part ways and you can find someone more compatible for you. 

Post # 12
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I really think you need to reconsider this relationship. Look at all your posts from an outsiders point of view. What would you tell your best friend if she were in a similar situation?

Post # 13
Member
3066 posts
Sugar bee

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sara_tiara:  hahahah!

Post # 14
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee

There isn’t really any secret for convincing another adult to do something they don’t want to do (cut back on drinking in this case). Be honest about how you feel about it and why. If it is a deal breaker and he won’t quit then you have to move on. If it is not a deal breaker than you accept it and continue the relationship. To me this doesn’t sound acceptable but there really isn’t much more you can do.

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