(Closed) Dropping a friend

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I had to recently actually. It is easier because I probably wont see her ever again as we are on opposite sides of the country. I was basically her sounding board…and thats it. She never once made an effort to ask me how I was doing, ever. Even with our recent move, and upcoming wedding. She also didnt RSVP and i had to bug her for weeks afer until she finally said she couldnt afford it…which is FINE but she told me a million times she was coming no matter what…..and my save the dates were sent out a year in advance so if she had wanted to she could have gotten a ticket more than 2 weeks before the wedding….ha. It just became unhealthy for both of us…she relied on me as an outlet for her constant crises and drama, and never took the advice i gave. So i told her, i wished her the best but it wasn’t healthy for either of us. Friends reciprocate love and time, and this wasn’t the case. It sucks, but sometimes has to be done. 

Post # 3
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016 - His parents farm

I’ve been in the situation where the friend was poisonous. They had a bad attitude and were very negative, and I could feel that effect the way I was acting, so I discontinued the friendship. I didn’t do it in a mean or disrespectful way, I just slowly phased her out of my life, and I don’t regret it one bit.

Post # 4
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee

Nope, not so wrong. Outgrowing happens in all sorts of relationships all the time, even friendships. And that’s ok. I’m grateful I had them to begin with, even if they have outlived their useful time spans.

Post # 5
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
pepperzo1:  You can’t keep everyone you’ve ever met in your life forever. Sometimes you need to make space for new people to enter your life for a new phase of development. Think about it like your wardrobe! Some of your favorite items you will keep for a long time, they will hold up really well and you will still like them years later. Other things will wear out, or you will lose enjoyment with wearing them and they have to go to make room for new things.

Post # 6
Member
5136 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
pepperzo1:  i recently went through this – I got married almost 2 years ago and one of my BMs who I was friends with for 10+ years showed me a side to her that I never saw before. I noticed the change immediately when I got back from my honeymoon – we spoke everday and when I got back I noticed that she wasn’t answering my calls, texts, emails. After a few weeks she started answering and she was very short with me, didn’t seem like she wanted to talk or would say “i gotta get back to work,” etc – Finally I wrote her a long email and poured my heart out to her. She wrote back “im sorry you feel that way” – We finally spoke in person bc we were at an event together, and I retierated what I wrote in my email, I had to drag it out of her why she was treating me this way, I wanted to know if there was something that I had done. 

In the end she said that she couldn’t be happy for me bc she was not happy in her life, she couldn’t handle seeing me happy, and to me, thats not a true friend, she also said that I need to accept that people outgrow friendships. I just felt so shitty because how can you just be ok with a 10+ year friendship ending? She didn’t fight to stay friends with me, I did nothing to her, she just hated that I was happy. 

I am sad bc I a mourning a friend that I thought I had, and in reality she is not the person I thought she was

Post # 7
Member
37 posts
Newbee

I have dropped friends who have no interest in reciprocating any effort that I put into the friendship. Such as, never responding to texts, calls etc… organising to meet up and then cancelling consistently… you just don’t need people like that in your life.

If people want you in their life they will make an effort with you. I don’t have time to chase people!

Post # 10
Member
5136 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
pepperzo1:  right, things will never be the same. Its very awkward bc i have seen her. My mom invited her to my baby shower, but I am not upset bc my mom didnt understant the severity of the situation. She came, and we did a little catching up but its very strained, and again awkward, distant. We both know things are not goig to be the way they were. I miss the person I thought she was. 

Post # 11
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
pepperzo1:  i think we have the same friend….lol! Ya, honestly I feel so much better and it’s not as if the friend tried to fight for the “friendship”.

Post # 12
Member
23 posts
Newbee

Wow, reading this. Wow. I had a friend who started distancing more and more when I got engaged. She was not happy with her life. Than she had to practically force her boyfriend to propose and ended up getting married before me. I thought we could be bridal friends and help each other plan but she totally pushed me out of her wedding planning process. I am no longer involved in her life or inner circle of friends. And she’s always being conscending towards me like she’s better than me. I really loved this friend to death more than anyone I ever knew but I’m just not good enough it seems. I finally blocked her phone number and email addresses. 

Post # 13
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

I have. We dont make time to see each other, (that was nr 1 reason) We dont really talk eaither (text, phone, snapchat FB you name it – reason nr. 2.) We dont have the same lifestyle (values). Still love the person and if they need me I will be there, but it is not worth the worry anymore. I let the contact fizzel out. Still says Hi if i see them and I like there FB and stuff.  Life moves on.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by LouiseN.
Post # 14
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

View original reply
PacificABee04:  Ha, I think we know the same person. In addition to this exact same issue, the friend I dropped was the person who introduced my DH and I, and became weirdly jealous…she ended up not even being invited to the wedding.

Also, OP, don’t do it lightly…while I feel like I did the right thing, it definitely still makes me sad that the circumstance was what it was. If I had made more of an effort to communicate the issues, perhaps we would still be friends. Just remember it’s almost always a two way street.

Post # 15
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

With one person, I just got tired of her drinking.  No specific incident, just tired of always talking to her drunk.  She had and has a good husband who makes good money, she makes good money and has a nice house and a nice life.  She also has 3 healthy kids that she had with no problem.  I do not wish otherwise on her or anyone else of course but I do not get why her life is such that she sees fit to drink to excess, it gets to be obnoxious and unbecoming and I just didn’t call her anymore and I guess she got the hint bc I never heard from her again either. 

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