(Closed) Dropping like flies–so many marriages ending within a few years or less!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We waited a very long time to get married so it didn’t come as any sort of shock! We’ve had various challenges that we’re currently undergoing and luckily, these are making us stronger rather than weaker.

However, I often wonder whether some of those couples who marry only to split up so quickly have, perhaps, concentrated rather more on the wedding than the marriage.

Only I can see how easy it could be to put all your energies into planning one, allegedly, perfect day only to discover that once marriage, there are many unresolved issues that got lost in the wedding planning process.

So far as keeping track of our relationship is concerned, we do try our best to make time for us. Be that going out to dinner or just visiting favourite places and spending time away from the daily routines of work and home.


Post # 4
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

Haven’t noticed this in my circle, but we have a later age of marriage/longer period of dating average than the general population, I think that’s a factor.

Post # 6
214 posts
Helper bee

@LuluInLove:  Although you might find it worrying, I think it’s great that you have been given an opportunity to realize how important maintaining intimacy is in your relationship! Even though it is common sense, it can get so easy to forget that when life gets crazy or to think that it would never happen to you. I think the things that my SO and I struggle with have definitely brought us closer and I’m confident that we are both able and committed to work (key-word!) through whatever comes our way.

One thing that we do that is important to me in order to maintain intimacy is to spend some time each day with each other without distraction. We eat dinner almost every day together without our cell phones, no tv, just talking with the other person and hearing about their day. We usually ask each other questions like what the best part of the day was, or to list 3 things that we are grateful for. It sounds cheesy but I really look forward to that time with him! 

Post # 7
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Though, very rarely has anyone gotten divorced in my family (only divorced people I know are dhs parents and with good reason ) but I do worry, especially since were young as well. I don’t know what we do, but we just appreciate the little things we do for each other, and every month on the 5th (dating date) and 29th (wedding) we just get happy and kiss. We dont celebrate it, just ackniwledge it and remember how we came to be 🙂

Post # 8
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

We’re an older couple (mid/late thirties) and most of the couples we know are dating/engaged.  I feel that it’s really important in a relationship to work as a team and accomplish goals/achievements together, no matter how big or small.  Since my husband and I met gaming, we’re used to working together (we call it co-op mode) and it really keeps us close.  I think that our relationship is different from someone else’s relationship, so when other couples split up/divorce it doesn’t bother me.

Post # 9
3551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We keep our relationship strong by being a team, communicating, ect. As far as what we do day to day to maintain intimacy is we cuddle before getting up and before going to sleep everyday. We carve out at least 10 or 20 minutes where it’s just us with no distractions (though sometimes our guinea pigs join the cuddling too :P). It keeps us bonded and we use it as an opportunity to discuss things that have been on our minds.

Post # 10
2608 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I’ve seen this a lot too in my circle of friends and acquaintances. One woman I know got engaged, married, divorced, engaged, and married again all in three years! Thankfully her second marriage is going on 5-6 years now and they seem to be going strong but the whole thing kind of blew my mind!

Two friends are still married but both have been talking divorce for awhile – in both these cases the women admit they settled and thought they could change their husbands after they were married. *face palm* Why??? Haven’t they heard the old saying “You can’t change a man” ? One hoped her husband would just give up his gambling addiction and the other thought her husband would become less jealous and controlling. Neither worked.

Then I have a handful of friends all divorced because someone cheated within 1-4 years. A couple had kids and have gone through some trying times. One couple, their son was born after the divorce. Another, the wife ran off with the children to another state to try and keep them to herself. Eventually the father found them and was granted joint custody. He’s a great father and was so devastated when this happened. It really has been heartbreaking to watch people I know go through these experiences.

On the other hand most of FI”s friends are still very happily married.

It definitely makes us value our relationship. We want to put in the work, we know it won’t always be easy but we know it is worth it to always work things out. Communication is so key.

Post # 11
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@housebee:  Co-op mode is now the single best relationship term I have EVER heard!

Post # 12
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I can see how wedding planning can ruin a relationship..while its fun..its stressful having to deal with so many choices and meeting so many people . Ive only started in the past two weeks and I can tell the fiance is stressed about the amount of money itll cost

Post # 13
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

I have had two couples close to me all but come to a divorce within two years of their marriage.  Both for very different reasons!

Over the past year/several months though, they have continued to work on it and somehow made it through the other side!

Post # 14
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I have noticed it a lot in my circle, probably 5 divorces within 2 years or less in the marriage. We try to not do things just because it’s the next step of being together which seems to be the issues with my friends. They just caught up being together so long so they just assumed marriage was the next step and really didn’t evaluate it. We like to do what’s right for us and not what is the normal next step so if it means taking jobs and being long distant for a time or putting off on something for years we will do it but we really don’t like to feel the pressure to just do something because it’s seen as the next thing. We have even agreed that if it doesn’t happen we are fine just being committed to each other for years without the marriage

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