Drunk friend ruined my reception :(

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I don’t want to be insensitive but I always remember weddings where things like this happen. Normal weddings where everyone behaves? Meh. What the bride’s dress looked like or whether she wore her hair up or down? Who knows. What color were the bridesmaids wearing? I couldn’t tell you if my life depended on it. Centerpieces? What we had for dinner? Shrug. But weddings where something goes off script? Those weddings I remember in detail. 

Post # 32
Member
6608 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Another outlier here… I’ve never attended a wedding where someone did something so reprehensible (yes, yes it is).  Even ones where people were clearly smashed by the end of the night, they still were able to keep themselves under control, keep their clothing on, keep their mouths to themselves. 

She apologized to you… did she apologize to that groomsman and his wife?  I bet not!  Did she apologize to your families?  The people she flashed?  Nope!  I don’t subscribe to the belief that we have to allow women to do whatever the hell they want while drunk and not accept the consequences of their behavior.  What if the groomsman had gotten wasted and whipped out his dick for a moment or tried to make out with a married woman?  He’d be jailed for indecent exposure or, the way things go these days, ‘rape.’  Double standard much, ladies?

So yes, OP, I’d be pissed the hell off. I’d cool off the friendship for awhile, try to distance myself.  How often do we say that someone’s friends are a reflection of themselves?  When a guy hangs out with his frat bros and they say inappropriate things, Bees assume there must be something wrong with the guy who wants to be around them as well (like he thinks the same way) and warn off whatever bee was worried about it.  So I can see where you may be worried that your new, conservative family may wonder if you behave this way as well.

Still, don’t let it spoil your day. Decide whether moving forward you want to be spiteful like me, or whether you’d rather forgive and forget.  And then do it.  Dwelling on it won’t change a thing.

Post # 33
Member
6608 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

MrsHarryDresden :  As forgettable as a peaceful wedding might be, I’d rather that than have people remember mine for nothing but the drunken embarrassment of a bridesmaid.

Post # 34
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

Every wedding should have that person that blacks out and acta a fool. It’s kind of a requirement.

Post # 35
Member
620 posts
Busy bee

I dont think it ruined your reception. Bit of entertainment and something to laugh about in the future.

Post # 36
Member
2130 posts
Buzzing bee

Our bridal party was all very well behaved, but our guests were a bloody hoot! 

My mum had taken medication earlier in the day, so she didn’t drink much but was SO drunk! Dancing all night, at one point she was doing like… slut drops. She doesn’t remember a whole convo I had with her before we left 😂

One of DH’s friends was humping the dance floor. I missed that and I’m so gutted! One of my guests (married with 4 children, in her 50’s) was EXTREMELY flirtatious with one of DH’s guests (20-something, in a relationship) and he was SO KEEN! My guest was also falling over she was so drunk, and DH’s guest would pick her up and carry her back to her table.

A GMs Girlfriend vommed back into her champagne flute, and down her front. 

I don’t drink and am pretty conservative, but I think it’s hilarious. Your Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t ruin your reception. She lost control, and she is remorseful. Let the pearl clutchers clutch, but don’t make this more of an issue than it needs to be. 

Post # 37
Member
1507 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but I am horrified by how many people excuse behavior caused by being stupid-drunk.  Not tipsy, but impaired.  And, so many Bees think that a wedding should have one of these people. 

When did lack of self-control become an accepted thing?

Post # 38
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

breyalynn :  You just have to let it go. Remember that your bridesmaid made a mistake and that she probably feels absolutely terrible about it. Her behavior reflects on her, not you. I would hope that your DH’s family understands that and has compassion. Everyone makes mistakes once in a while. However, if this is a recurring problem with this woman, I would, as a concerned friend, have a talk with her about it. 

missjabbee :  Honestly, I used to be this way too, and the fact of the matter is that once I really thought about it, I realized that I had a problem with drinking because I can’t stop at a reasonable place. I’m not saying that you necessarily have the same issue, but a few years ago I could have written what you have written. The humiliation I have felt after the things that I have done was great enough for me to actually give up drinking for a few years. And my life has been better for it.

These days, I occasionally (2-3x a year) limit myself to just one drink. That sort of willpower was a muscle I had to build, and if I do ever go back to my previous problem drinking ways, I will cut it out entirely. IMO it’s much better to live a sober life and not embarrass myself, than to be that person. For me, it’s not acceptable to be that person.

And, I do think that flashing family is reflects really badly on someone. As does sexual assault (which unwanted kissing falls under), even if someone was under the influence. Sure, no one went to the hospital, but what happened at OP’s wedding was completely inappropriate.

I know that my opinion may be taken as a bit extreme in American culture where binge drinking seems to be acceptable, but I felt that I might comment because I have been that person and I decided that that was unacceptable to me.

Not trying to judge your habits (I’m honestly not implying that you have a problem, just that I was that person and realized that I did have a problem) or tell you how to live your life.

Post # 39
Member
2485 posts
Buzzing bee

Please, Sweet Bride DO NOT assume responsibility for any reaction your conservative inlaws may have. 

You are not your bridesmaid’s Mommy, you did not train her in etiquette or drinking behavior, she feels terrible already.

My alcoholic Uncle was drunk at my wedding. It was still one of the best days of my life.

My dry Methodist relatives lived through it.

ENJOY your photos, accept BM’S apology and comfort her if you wish.

 

Post # 40
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

bywater :  Same. I think it has just become part of American culture, especially since binge drinking is acceptable in certain circles (i.e. on college campuses, while partying, at weddings, when someone else is paying for it, etc.).

Like I said in my post above, I have had an issue with lack of control and problem drinking, so I definitely see the other side of that, too.

Post # 41
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

My best friend is so this girl! I would have enjoyed this entertainment at the reception! But, I understand your disappointment in her. She really didn’t ‘ruin’ anything. I probably would have had a friend take her home early but it’s too late for that.

Post # 42
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

franklymydearidont :  oh good god. As stated I rarely drink. As in 1-2x per year if that withe yeas between sometimes as ive had chiLoren,  breastfed etc.  I’m 40 I’m not a child who is running around partying. My issue is no tolerance. I am very buzzed immediately with one drink which throws out my entire plan of having one -two drinks. My thought process goes and I think “oh I’m good to have another!…and another..” although I don’t actually end up drinking that much as I said 3 could have me dancing on the table. It doesn’t happen every time I drink. This type of thing is usually at a party type where I lose track of myself, usu ally chathing away . I’m in no way an alcoholic with a drinking problem..lmao. I’ve never been a big drinker mainly because of what it does to me.  I’m not concerned about “slowing down”. Lol 

Post # 43
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My Maid/Matron of Honor got into a drinking contest with my Russian friend, lost after 8 chocolate mudslides, told loud dead baby jokes, stuffed her bra/front of her dress with the rose petals on her table, pretended her napkin ring was a monocle, and fell and bruised her arm on the chairs. Thankfully she is not a dancer and sensitive about her small breasts so there was no dirty dancing or flashing, but she still needed to be escorted out by a friend falling over. 

It happens. 

You can’t undo it so I’d just tell your family, like I did, that she’s normally not like that and really didn’t know she had that in her (seriously, I was friends with my Maid/Matron of Honor for several years and wouldn’t have expected her to be that girl when presented with an open bar). 

Post # 44
Member
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

In the moment, the thing to do was to have someone take her out. Since that didn’t happen, there’s no point in continuing to dwell on it. I would be angry, too, but since it wasn’t addressed in the moment, giving it any continued focus is a waste of energy and is something you are doing by choice. She didn’t ruin your wedding, she didn’t prevent you from getting married or hurt anyone. She made a fool of herself in public.

Post # 45
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

If it makes you feel better, my drunk uncle got into a fist fight with a teenager at my grandfathers second wedding.

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