(Closed) Drunk Overshare

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

After 5 years you should be able to talk to him about anything and everything. I’m sure it’s emotional to talk about it but I am sure he would want to know. It may be something that still is in the back of your mind, since as they say “a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts”.

I do and say embarassing things in front of my husband every single day. And I’m not drunk when it happens. Just talk to him.

 

Post # 4
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@beeenonymous:  you should be able to talk about anything with him, sober or drunk. even if it is embarasing, or something from your past you do not like.your not that past person anymore but I am sure he wants to know the past person too

 

even little things can cause problems in the future if you skip over them

Post # 5
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@beeenonymous: If you want to talk about it, go ahead. He already knows and I’m sure it will help bring you even closer. He will not judge you, I’m sure. But, gah, even starting the conversation would give me a big case of “I wanna jump off the roof.” That said, you are allowed to have things that you don’t share. I know I do!

 

@Bostongrl25:   After 5 years you should be able to talk to him about anything and everything. I’m sure it’s emotional to talk about it but I am sure he would want to know.

I disagree about being able to discuss any and everything. Some things are just for you. I have plenty of things that I don’t discuss with anyone- some embarassing, some just super personal.

Post # 6
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@mrsrecon:  I disagree. My SO and I are very close, but I don’t think me telling him about my own disordered eating in high school will 1. come up at some point and cause problems or 2. make any impact on our relationship today.

Post # 7
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mamadingdong:  all i am saying is anyone should be able to tell their SO anything if they are planning on spending the rest of their lives together..

and i feel if your SO tells you all about his past, then finds out you hid a big portion of yours it seems like you hide things, or do not want him to really know everything about you, and this could bother someone.

Post # 8
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@beeenonymous:  I say just address it to dispel any myths, put his mind at ease because I’m sure he is worried and to make the awkwardeness go away. As someone who has struggled with an ED, I know it’s not something you want to go around sharing with the world.  However, I can’t imagine after 5 years my SO not knowing that about me.  I believe in full disclosure in relationships so each person knows what they’re getting into. I told my Fiance about my ED probably about 6 months into the relationship. Even though it wasn’t something I was actively struggling with at the time (or have at all since we met) I wanted him to be completely aware so he could decide whether or not he wanted to deal with that should it ever become an issue again.  Then again, other people know about it so it’s not a big deal anymore for me to share that. 

Post # 9
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t consider that an overshare and I wouldn’t avoid discussing it while sober.

Just because you had a less-than-perfect past (don’t we all, in some way?) doesn’t make you “a huge mess” and feeling comfortable talking about it with your SO is actually a sign of fully moving on from it. Not to mention healthy and beneficial for your relationship!

Post # 10
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@mamadingdong:  Hmm, I guess we are all different. Of course there are some things I keep to myself…like the fact that I actually had to pluck a hair from my chin this morning. I just dont think my husband needs to know that.

But personally, I think an eating disorder years ago warrants a conversation. I had my own issues before I met my husband. I wasn’t treated by a medical professional, but maybe I should have been. But I felt it was something my husband should know because it did affect the way I am today. To each their own though.

Post # 11
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@mrsrecon:  Perhaps that’s the case for you. My SO and I have not discussed our past relationships beyond acknowledging that they existed. it’s not that they are a secret, but it’s just not something we talk about. And, yes, we plan to spend our lives together. It’s like our “number.” We each have one, but neither feels the compunction to ask or share. What works for you and other couples does not mean it’s the only way or what works for everyone.

Post # 12
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mamadingdong:  thats why i stated my opinion.. some things work for some couples and not others, so i was letting the OP know how i felt about the situation, so she could get some different perspective. and since she already brought it up, why hide it? If you are planning on spending your life with someone, nothing should be embarassing. she should feel confident in who she is as a person, and be able to tell her SO about her past, because it is what made her who she is.

Post # 13
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I have to disagree with PP. Yes, ideally you should be able to talk to your Fiance about anything but I also had an eating disorder and I totally understand what you’re feeling. It’s been years since I’ve purged or seriously restricted my intake but recovery is an ongoing process. Even now, when I’m much healthier emotionally, mentally and physically, I have to push down this guilt, shame and self loathing that stems from my eating disorder. Every now and then I give in and I resume the self destructive habits because it is so very seductive. It takes a lot to pull yourself out of the hole, and I know that I often hate myself for falling in it again. There’s a lot of shame, guilt and embarrassment that comes along with an ED. Sometimes the shame’s so bad that you can’t even bring yourself to say it out loud. I did eventually talk to my SO but I did it tiny little bits at a time. in the first year I told him I had an ED when I was younger. then at one point I probably mentioned that I had a seriously unhealthy body image and relationship with food and it was something I had to work on all the time. He’s still being clued in as to what demons I’m fighting because it’s something I try to bury and it’s a very, very, very private and personal battle. I don’t feel that he is entitled to my most personal moments. I also don’t feel bad for not being ready or able to share that part of me yet.

If you feel mortified by the conversation just tell him that one day you two can talk about it but you’re not ready to do so yet.

Post # 14
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you guys should talk about it. It’s a really big deal. Serious relationships, and eventually marriage, require people to be really open about their issues and their past. I would be really hurt if my husband had waited 5 years to tell me something like that.

After 5 years, you should be able to talk about anything – especially anything related to your health.

Post # 15
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Jellybones:  If it weren’t for the fact that mutual support is vital to a relationship, and that your health directly impacts your SO, i’d agree. But honestly, I think this is no nontrivial that there’s no excuse for not sharing. It’s something that ultimately can kill someone – SOs deserve to know that it has happened and has the potential to happen again. They also deserve the opportunity to be there for you.

Post # 16
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@crayfish:  I agree with you. I’ll also mention that sharing these parts of myself have brought me closer to my SO but it also terrifying and hard and every instinct is screaming “hide it hide it hide it hide it hide it hide it”. Usually I’m only able to talk about an incident long, long after it happens. While I’m “in the hole” as I call it, there’s just no chance of my verbalizing it.  and with all of the things that one beats themselves up for when they have or are recovering from an eating disorder, I’m not going to add “can’t talk about this yet” to the list, you know?

The topic ‘Drunk Overshare’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors