Post # 32
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
You seem to keep trying to justify your position even after many bees have given their opinions. If you don’t want to have alcohol, don’t. Arguing with bees about you spending your money on food and other things won’t do a thing for how your guests feel.
I agree with previous posters – it really costs so little to provide a little beer and wine, especially with a backyard wedding (meaning no cost to store, keep cold, serve, tip, etc). I suppose it depends on how many people you’re having, but I think a few hundred dollars would be MORE than enough to cover it. We had 80 people – beer and wine only – and spent about $800, but the wine bottles were in the $20-$40 range.
If your husband doesn’t want there to be alcohol, make sure he’s the one to spread the word.
Post # 33
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
Now I see that your concern is over your fiance’s dad…? Can your fiance have a heart to heart with him ahead of time to express his concerns? If not, that’s a bigger problem than just trying to keep him away from booze at your wedding. Assign a few people to keep a close eye on him and his drink consumption…?
Post # 34
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
I think if your having a morning or afternoon reception then not offering alcohol is fine. But if your doing a night time reception and not offering drinks – its a little strange. If you had a big reason (recovering alcoholics or something) that’d be one thing! But it kinda seems like your being stubborn just to be so. Allow your parents to pay for it, and call it a day.
Post # 35
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
@hisprettygirl: It’s just uncomfortable. I want everyone to be happy but I don’t know how to handle this. It’s not something I know how to handle. I don’t like making people feel like… displeased, but then I don’t know what to say when people ask because it’s not my personal business that’s going to be dumped out there. I’m just stressed and I don’t know how to tactfully handle this. I can’t reschedule the wedding, I can’t set up something that’s going to make my fiance uncomfortable, and I don’t want to deal with everyone coming at me for not being a good host. I’m stressed and I don’t know how to put it out there. This whole thing just stresses me out and no one goes to him about it, everyone comes to me to voice their opinions and I can’t spread his personal business because it’s gossip and its disrespectful. I’m just stressed and uncomfortable and I don’t know how to handle this. I wish we had just eloped and it was over with.
Post # 36
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
We had unlimited Mimosas since we got married at 10am. We could have afforded more alcohol but that was not our vision of our wedding!
Half way through the reception, we noticed a LOT of people had alcoholic drinks! Apparently, my Dad opened a tab at the restaurant’s bar, and all our guests were getting drinks there (I was like “It is NOON people, what are we doing?”)
So I think it’s fine not to offer it–if people want it badly enough, they’ll find it somewhere (and there’s always “That Guy With The Flask” at EVERY wedding!)
Post # 37
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
@LoveBugBee: “You just have to be realistic about your desired outcomes and expectations for how the reception will go, whatever your party/budgetary constraints are.”
+1
I’ve never been to a dry wedding. Weddings around where I’m from are pretty much all cash bar, so the issue of not having money to host an open bar and therefore choosing to have a dry wedding doesn’t come up. I could understand a couple choosing a dry wedding for religious/cultural/or even personal reasons such as yours. But I do think that you should have realistic expectations for your guests. I enjoy a couple drinks at a wedding. I would go to the ceremony, dinner (if you’re having one), and for maybe an hour of the reception. I can’t say for sure that I’d stick around if there wasn’t a big party and I have the feeling that you may have several guests with the same outlook.
So, choose what you two want, but just be okay with the fact that some people may not be happy with your decision and may duck out early. If you’re okay with those things, then giver!
As a compromise though, would you consider maybe even just offering wine for supper? Then you wont have loads of drunk people, but some just like to drink wine with their food.
Post # 38
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
I’ve attended (as a Bridesmaid or Best Man in, actually) one dry wedding. It was so because of logistics (the insane price/hoops to jump through to have alcohol at the venue) and, more importantly, that the bride’s mother is a recovering alcoholic. Not everyone knew the second reason, and I didn’t hear any moaning about the lack of alcohol. However, it was an afternoon reception with light refreshments and cake. No meal, no dancing, so folks didn’t really miss it. Their toast was with sparking grape juice.
Can you blame it on the venue? Even if it’s not true, it places the reason for no booze out of your control.
Post # 39
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
OP don’t let anyone bully you into doing something you don’t want to do. IF they are going to talk about you at your own wedding, I suggest finding new associates. I honestly would try to cut the wedding short maybe? Ending it before dinnertime seems appropriate and it gives you more time to spend with your new husband 🙂 Think of the positives. Some people just don’t hear themselves. They get upset about the amount of money they spend on a wedding gift just because you didn’t provide alcohol? Did they have chairs to sit in? Yes. Did they have food to eat? Were they too hot or too cold? No. Those are the basics you need to cover that said you took care of your guests AND that alone is costly. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Your wedding is a few weeks away. I would focus on other things you need to take care of. The guests will be good. As you said before, if they don’t like it, don’t come.
Post # 40
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
We had a dry wedding (except champagne, we provided that), but also, in our invitaions, we permitted BYOB with a ‘friendly’ KNOW YOUR LIMITS notification.. Our guests were THRILLED to bring their own alcohol, since even if you have an open bar, you can’t make everybody happy!
Post # 41
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
Oh right I didn’t know I was your personal mind reader that reads your responses at the same time I’m writing mine.
That’s a totally different senario as you posted in your OP.
I think there are several ways to handle it. If he has any decent realtionship with his dad, his dad could respect your FI’s wishes of him not drinking. Honestly if he dosn’t respect your Fiance enough to do this then he probably should not be invited.
2nd scenario is to have people close to his dad babysit him.
3rd is dry but not send a memo, but verbally tell close friends, the message will spread and people will take this reason as a better one then not in your budget which everyone can clearly see is a lie.
Post # 42
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
@lindseyl06: Yeah, that was my stance before but the more stressed I get, the more irritable I become. I’m just tired of it and I can’t wait for it to be over. It’s family – I don’t understand why it has to be so freaking stressful.
Post # 43
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
Maybe not the popular opinion but.. disinvite the dad. If he cannot control himself to the point where alcohol is not allowed to be at the wedding, he should be cut from the guest list. No matter his relation.
To me it sounds like he could possibly an alcoholic, for reference my father is also an alcoholic who has been to rehab to no avail. He is toxic and will not be invited to our wedding. If his father is an alcoholic, you should probably consider the fact that he may decide to bring his own alcohol or show up drunk.
Post # 44
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
My sister’s wedding was dry. It was in the afternoon and the reception was in a church fellowship hall which didn’t allow alcohol and it was fine. We did sparkling white grape juice for the toast. My dad did end up throwing an after party where he provided beer and wine, since the reception didn’t last all night.
Post # 45
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
@Atalanta: I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m just overwhelmed and stressed and I want to make everyone happy but it’s impossible and I feel like there’s all this pressure on me. I know it wasn’t in the OP. I didn’t really want to disclose it because like I said in other posts, it’s not really my business to tell. It’s not like his dad is going to read it, but I feel uncomfortable even putting it out there in the universe type of thing, you know?
Post # 46
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
It’s stressful because IT IS family! They will get over it. I understand your position because I too am a people pleaser but that’s not going to get you anywhere in life. Pleasing others only makes YOU miserable. A wedding is a celebration of the union of the bride and the groom. Focus on you and FH and the vision will become clearer.
Oh and btw, a wedding gift is supposed to be a wish for the couples’ happiness, not “since you spent so much on me, here’s a gift for you”
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