(Closed) Dry Wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I sit on the fence with this one.  Part of me says its your day- you should do what YOU like.  

However- if you invite your friends over, don’t you make sure you have something you know they like to drink?  Take the alcohol out of the equation- (yes, I know some people abuse it- but that’s doesn’t mean you have to hate on every beverage with alcohol in it- your mouthwash likely has it!!)- people really enjoy the taste of beer, wine or a cocktail.  It’s what they might choose to drink- especially at a large party.

If you know that none of your guests enjoy alcoholic beverages, than maybe this isn’t an issue for you. But think about your guest list- do many of the people on there enjoy a beer or glass of wine?

Although the day is YOURS, why invite people if they aren’t going to have a good time?  Alcohol is almost a tradition at weddings- 

I’d reconsider spending $10k on a party where you aren’t going to offer alcohol.

There are ways to tastefully offer alcohol at your wedding without breaking the bank.

Post # 49
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Don’t feel weird about it.  We had a dry wedding!  Neither of us likes to drink a lot and a lot of our guests belong to a denomination that doesn’t drink.  Some of my friends were disappointed, but they all had fun and enjoyed themselves without complaining, and everyone was very complimentary.

 

That night is about you and the beginning of your relationship!  Do what’s right for you guys, celebrate the way that you’d like, and the people that want to celebrate with you WILL celebrate with you.  It’s totally fine to have a dry wedding.  Lots of them are dry.  XP

Post # 50
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Who is paying for the wedding?  If you and your Fiance are paying for it – do whatever you both want.  If someone else is paying for it, you need to consider their suggestions. 

 

 

Post # 52
Member
2346 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

i think dry weddings r perfectly fine, in fact, the last wedding i went to, the groom was trying to make everyone drink because they bought a ton of alcohol and most of it didnt even get opened. nevermind that most ppl had to drive a ways to get back home, so i was more offended that they were trying to make ppl drink and drive than if they had not had alcohol at all.

we are having a dry wedding because we have very few guests and only a small fraction of them r young-ish ppl who drink. most of our family members do not even sip wine or beer. so im not paying 30 extra a person to have an open bar so that 5 ppl can have a beer. the wedding will be over when Fiance and I leave, by 8pm, and we are all planning to meet afterwards at a bar/night spot and ppl can get as plastered as they want. 

 

 

Post # 53
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You will never make everyone happy.  We had complaints from some of my DHs family members about the location.  It was an hour away from where they lived – in the same state.  While my family traveled from different states and different countries to come! 

Im sorry you have to deal with difficult family members – but try to remember its about you and your Fiance. Everyone there is coming to celebrate your love and commitment to eachother. 

Post # 54
Member
3695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve been to dry weddings and while it was a TOTALLY different atmosphere than an all-night party with an open bar, it was still fun.

I think if you’re planning a casual family get-together bbq style reception then the booze will be missed a lot less than at a fancy ballroom where no one wants to dance before they’re drunk. 

If you don’t want to serve, just don’t.  Explain that was it an additional headache you didn’t want to deal with – permits, security, cost, etc (if someone is rude enough to ask!), but you hear that all the cousins are going out afterwards, you should join them!

Post # 55
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2021 - Wyckoff, NJ

View original reply
@giru618:  That is the best answer I’ve ever read in response to this argument.

Post # 56
Member
1117 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I see what you mean. Only one person ever asked about it, one of DH’s friends. She said that there had better be an awesome open bar for how far she had to drive. In the end she didn’t even come.

 

Post # 57
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

First off, I’m going to say it’s your wedding, do whatever you want. I read some of your comments and noticed this is because Fiance has one person in particular he doesn’t want to drink.

We have a similar issue. My FI’s uncle is a functioning aclocholic, we opted to have an open beer and wine bar. 

REALIZE THIS: Anyone who likes to drink, will find a way to drink regardless. They will bring a flask, drink before, leave go get something to drink and come back. You cannot avoid this. Not having alcohol avalible is not going to stop that person from drinking.

We decieded not to punish the rest of our guest for one person. My FI’s Mom and Dad promised to watch over FI’s uncle for us. He’s going to drink, but he doesn’t have to get on a mic and act a fool. 

Post # 58
Member
6105 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

Seeing that it’s a personal reason (him not wanting his dad to drink too much) I think y’all should do what you want. Granted, people probably won’t stay too long after dinner.

Side note, if his dad has an issue with alcohol (sounds like it from your comments), please don’t think that not having alcohol will stop him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he brings his own in a flask or something. I say that, because the only dry wedding I went to, a lot of people showed up drunk or brought it with them because they knew there wouldn’t be any there. This included the groom…

Post # 59
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with PPs about not letting anyone bully you into anything you can’t afford.  This will be one day – it’s supposed to be meaningful, not a wild party, and your marriage afterwards really is the highlight.

Having said that, it depends on your family and friends.  My family doesn’t really drink – it’s not really our culture – so a dry wedding would be just fine.  In my SO’s culture, however, alcohol is essential to have at weddings, so we probably will offer it, too.

Post # 60
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee

You will probably get a ton of different answers, but I say alcohol is not the be-all-end-all of a wedding. All that is really required is you, your husband, and your officiant. Everything else is just etiquette and tradition dictated fluff. Of course, don’t be rude to your guests but I feel this falls under the category of “traditional” rather than necessarily “etiquette.”

 

Post # 61
Member
5184 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

People are always going to find something to bitch about. If you’re paying for your own wedding it should be done your way. That being said, a lot of people expect alcohol at weddings. We had an open bar with more than just wine and beer, but we didn’t exactly have everything under the sun. DHs aunts came to the bar while I was there and started ordering somewhat exotic drinks. The bartender had to keep saying “sorry, we don’t have that”. Eventually they got irked and shot me glances that made me want to sink into the floor. It’s like c’mon, you’re getting free alcohol and food, be a little appreciative. Point being, if a dry wedding is best for you as a couple, do it and don’t worry about what other people have to say about it.

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