(Closed) Dry Wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
10357 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think if you’re going to go against convention (ie not have alcohol), you need to be strong enough to endure the inevitable backlash. If this is something that’s really important to you, stand by it. If it isn’t worth the social cost, then don’t. With $10k, you should be able to afford some alcohol, even if it’s just to toast.

Post # 63
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m just gonna say it – at large parties, I need it to have fun. A lot of people do.

Post # 64
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

To be a good host you are responsible to provide your guests with food and drink. You are not obligated to serve guests alcohol and food. You are in no way or form being rude/tacky. The people being rude/tacky are those that would have a problem with it. Being considerate of your guests needs does not mean pandering to their every whim and desire.

If you cannot handle going to a social function without a drink then that speaks more about you than the person hosting the event. If you cannot have fun without alcohol then that speaks more about you.

You also do not owe anyone a reason why you are having a dry wedding. If they feel that they are owed one then I would question what kind of friend they are.

Have the wedding the way you and your Fiance want, dry and do not let anyone bully you into changing your mind. At the end of the day there will always be guests that talk about the so called negative aspects of your wedding, this will happen whether you supply alcohol or not.   

Post # 66
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

I think a dry wedding is fine. Especially if your fiance doesn’t drink, so why pay for others to drink alcohol? Politely tell your parents its your wedding and your decision.

Post # 67
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i wouldn’t think it was cheap or rude necessarily, but would definitely find it a long day/evening and wouldn’t stay late. I’ve never been to a dry wedding, but have attended three during this pregnancy and obviously not drunk.  Still lovely days but not as fun as having a few glasses of wine!

Post # 68
Member
13889 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So, here’s the thing.  People will talk, regardless.  It’s how weddings go.  There is always someone who isn’t happy or impressed by something.  Maybe someone will hate your favors.  Maybe someone will not like the food.  Maybe someone will be mad about the lack of alcohol.  You know what though – tough cookies.  You can’t please everyone.  Do what you want, and move on.

On the other hand, I’ve never been to a dry wedding, or a wedding with a cash bar for that matter.  I am used to full open bar weddings, and I enjoy partaking in them.  I’m the type of person who won’t get up and dance until I’ve had a few glasses of wine (worst dancer ever here).  At a dry wedding, I would likely just sit at my table and probably leave early from being bored.  Are you offering any other sort of entertainment for guests who don’t want to dance sober? 

I’m sorry you’re so fed up with wedding planning.  It sounds like you’re doing an unconventional thing (no alcohol) and not entirely ready to tell your families that “this is what is happening” and cutting it off there.  I would, unfortunately, be embarrassed to host a dry wedding (especially if it wasn’t budget related), but that’s just me and how things go in my circle.  I get where your parents are coming from, and that they are trying to walk the fine line between being embarrassed that the guests are not be hosted (in the traditional sense) versus doing what you want. 

Post # 69
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

OP I want to give you a hug. Obviously you are in a tough situation and trying so hard to make everyone happy. But the fact that the man you are committing your life to hates alcohol and has all sorts bad feelings about booze based on his experiences is the most important thing. Don’t be bullied into providing something that will make your Fiance feel sad at his own wedding!

And I really like to drink (although I don’t get drunk anymore). I’d prefer a party with alcohol if i had to choose. But even so, I don’t find it essential to have a good time and find it really weird that so many people need it. IMO, if someone can only loosen up/talk to people/entertain themselves if they have drinks in their system…well I think they are just incredibly socially inept. Some people on this boards seem to be like children about weddings…needing every food/drink/music preference catered to them or else they don’t know what to do with themselves.

Post # 70
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

if you are paying, then you do what you want. i think you are being very nice by honoring your fiance’s wishes. i have only been to one dry wedding and i was grateful i knew ahead of time that it was dry. the food was delicious, and i had a great time because i knew ahead of time. some people brough flasks but i was not one of them. i can’t believe anyone is complaining about the FREE MEAL you are giving them.

Post # 71
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

You are required to host your guests properly for the timeframe the party is scheduled. If you have an evening wedding, that means providing a meal and some sort of beverage. That does not mean you have to provide alcohol. It also does not mean you have to justify your reasons. If you can’t afford alcohol, fine. If you have spiritual or personal reasons, fine. If you just don’t want to, fine. It also doesn’t matter how much you spent on the rest of the wedding. The only thing “tacky” about not providing alcohol is the booze hounds that have to be drunk just to have fun. Just be prepared for the people who choose to leave because they can’t survive one night without a buzz.

Post # 72
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@lolot:  I agree!  We are only spending $3000 on our wedding and there will be open bar.

Post # 73
Member
11525 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Dry weddings are not at all rude, so please do not allow anyone to make you feel as if they are. 

My wedding budget was almost four times that of yours, and the only alcohol we served was a choice of champagne or sparkling cider for our toast. 

There are many reasons why people choose not to serve alcoholic beverages at an event, including faith-based objections to drunkenness, alcoholic family members,  concerns over safety and liability, or wanting to avoid too much of a party atmosphere, etc.  They are all very legitimate concerns.

Post # 74
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Alchohol is NOT a requirement. As long as people have some sort of liquid to wash their food down, that should be enough. I am offering beer and wine as it comes along with the drink package. I am also going to have an open bar. The best part is everyone pays for their own drinks! This way, I would not be wasting a large chunk of money to pay for liquor people may not even drink. I do not think it is offensive. Your wedding day is just that YOURS… Folks can have what they want or don’t want at their weddings. I would say the same thing about the bride and groom wanting alcohol, and others saying that is a bad idea. As long as you are paying, people cannot dictate what you guys do. Girl, you will have a lovely liquor-free day!

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