(Closed) Dry wedding shower

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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QuietStorm :  The reason there is no alcohol is there is no alcohol allowed. Period. A grown woman can understand that.

Also, am I the only one where there will be no alcohol at my shower? I didnt think that it was an event you needed to drink at?

Post # 18
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee

Try to let it go. No amount of worrying is going to change anything. I am guessing she is going to bring a flask and make her own cocktails with whatever beverages are provided. Nothing you can do about it, really. The best you can hope for is that her husband removes her if she gets out of hand. I’m sorry your friend is suffering, I know it is very hard for you to deal with as well.

Post # 21
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

Geez, people are being really hard on OP. She isn’t worried about having no alcohol, she isn’t trying to enable her friend, she’s worried her friend will try to sneak alcohol into a place that is not merely a non-alcoholic shower but a place where it’s illegal to have alcohol. OP doesn’t want to see her bridesmaid or her co-ordinator get in legal trouble, nor have it mar the shower.

As to why she’s having an alcoholic bridesmaid, clearly this is a friendship that is important enough to OP to risk worrying about situations like this. She has chosen to stand by her friend and include her.

I like

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julies1949 :  idea of not forewarning her there will be no alcohol. She may indeed leave early to go drink, but she’s less likely to BYOB it.

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fj2m05 : Not only is this a horrible unethical idea- alcoholism doesn’t work that way. It’s an addiction, a disease. Alcoholics aren’t content getting a little buzz and then letting that tide them through an event- once an alcoholic starts drinking they have trouble stopping. A social drinker would have no problem having a mimosa or two then switching to soft drinks, bottled water, etc, but for an alcoholic it’s playing with fire.

OP I hope you have a lovely shower and I hope your friend is able to get the help she needs before this disease ruins her life and her health.  

Post # 23
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

Frankly, you shouldn’t have to worry about this at YOUR wedding shower (but I totally get why you’re worried!) – you should be able to attend as the guest of honor and enjoy yourself!

Warn the coordinator and know that your friend may show up already intoxicated or may bring her own ‘water bottle’ or flask with alcohol in it – chances are that’s what she’s planning to do. Tell the coordinator how you want it handled, if at all, and leave it at that. Or perhaps you need to reach out to her husband and have HIM drop her off (late, if possible) and stay nearby in case she needs to be removed from the party early. 

What about the rest of your bridal party/friends? Are they aware of her issue? If they are, I would let them know you’re concerned and to casually keep an eye on her behaviour in case it gets out of hand. I had a problematic guest at my shower and my girls were briefed in advance as to what to do if there became an issue.

Post # 24
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee

This sounds like a mess. Your shower shouldn’t be about some drunk bridesmaid. It should be about you. What are you planning to do at the wedding? Have all the guests watch out for her? I hope she doesn’t drink and drive.

Post # 25
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

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QuietStorm :  That doesnt mean she has to be a bridesmaid. And a lot of people want things in life that doesnt mean they get them.

I perdict more posts about your drunk bridesmaid in the future. I hope you are ready for thsi long, drama filled ride you are about to embark on. 

 

 

 

Post # 26
Member
7803 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I dont see how this is an issue. I’d personally be more concerned if there were alcohol available at a public park for an alcoholic. I wouldn’t want to be enabling my alcoholic friend at my shower… 

Post # 30
Member
8009 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Surely she does go places where she has to get through an hour or more without a drink. It sounds as if you are close enough that you can let her know that no alcohol is permitted at this venue, period, and that you are happy for her to be able to spend whatever time she can there with you. 

I understand that she is your friend forever, and your bridesmaid for a day (or even a few days). I hope that she cares enough about you and has enough self-awareness to understand how her choices impact others. 

It is reasonable to expect her to behave in an appropriate manner for a short period of time and for her to experience consequences (being asked to leave) if she does not. To do otherwise is a form of enabling. 

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