(Closed) Dumb Question??? Who pays for engagement party??

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The host should pay, or guests can chip in, depending on your social circle.

Usually the guest of honor won’t pay, unless they’re hosting their own party (which is a little frowned upon in the etiquette world).

Post # 4
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

My sisters planned our engagement party at a restaurant and in the end my sisters and parents ended up paying for it.

Post # 7
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

I’m a maid of honor.  My sister’s the one getting married, and wasn’t too keen on the idea of having an engagement party (she’s thinking of the struggle with people to dish out so much $$ for presents for that, bridal shower, and the wedding), plus the strain on someone willing to dish out $$ to host it.

What we’re doing instead is having a luncheon for family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings) of the couple, and asking the “gift” to be a covered dish.  That way, the couple will get their ‘new family’ altogether for the first time for some hanging out and mingling.  We’re holding it at the largest family house, and everyone’s going to contribute toward the meal.  Plus, my sister hates writing, so she doesn’t have to worry about thank you cards!

Post # 8
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We had an engagement party at The Keg Steakhouse. Originally Fiance and I were contributing $200 and my mom would pay the rest (parents are divorced), but it ended up costing a lot more than she originally planned.

In the end my parents (mom & dad) footed the bill for about 30ish people for wine, appies, cupcakes, the rental of the space etc. FI’s parents didn’t come so they didn’t contribute anything.

Post # 9
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

you shouldn’t throw yourself the party, so you shouldn’t pay. really it’s whoever wants to host. keep in mind engagement parties aren’t a requirement!

our families live across the country from each other, so my mom’s sisters are throwing us an engagement party in december and his mom is holding off to throw a reception after the party.

Post # 10
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2007

I say typically it’s the hostesses who will pitch in.  Even if it’s a sit down dinner, you should not be required to pay for anything yourself.    Have fun!

Post # 11
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

Just my opinion; but, I like the idea of the pot luck dinner and giving the two families an opporunity to meet each other!  Everyone could bring their recipe of what they bring and that way begin to build a ‘family favorites’ collection.  If blending ethnicities, this will give a chance for both sides to display ‘our favorite dishes.’  I think it’s cute and very appropriate.

If you go to a restaurant I don’t know what they protocal is; but I think splitting the bill would be appropriate and discuss this ahead of time; he w/his folks; she w/hers.

I believe traditiomally, the girls side paid for the engagement party; but, now a days there is no tradition but what makes sense given our financial time and commitment to social responsibility and the concept that less is more.

If you are members of a church/temple/religious community you could host an after service ‘colation’ w/white cake and punch.  Generally they have the couple stand and be recognized and everyone claps for your engagement.  It serves the idea of introducing ‘the other’ and you can invite whomever you wish.

I guess it depends on what your reason for wanting or having an engagement party is.  Introducing ‘the other’ to the family, friends, or religious community.  Maybe doing both would be appropriate; but, only you know your life situation and what is appropriate in YOUR CASE.

Let us know what you decided and how you worked this out.

Post # 12
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

Just my opinion; but, I like the idea of the pot luck dinner and giving the two families an opporunity to meet each other!  Everyone could bring their recipe of what they bring and that way begin to build a ‘family favorites’ collection.  If blending ethnicities, this will give a chance for both sides to display ‘our favorite dishes.’  I think it’s cute and very appropriate.

If you go to a restaurant I don’t know what they protocal is; but I think splitting the bill would be appropriate and discuss this ahead of time; he w/his folks; she w/hers.

I believe traditiomally, the girls side paid for the engagement party; but, now a days there is no tradition but what makes sense given our financial time and commitment to social responsibility and the concept that less is more.

If you are members of a church/temple/religious community you could host an after service ‘colation’ w/white cake and punch.  Generally they have the couple stand and be recognized and everyone claps for your engagement.  It serves the idea of introducing ‘the other’ and you can invite whomever you wish.

I guess it depends on what your reason for wanting or having an engagement party is.  Introducing ‘the other’ to the family, friends, or religious community.  Maybe doing both would be appropriate; but, only you know your life situation and what is appropriate in YOUR CASE.

Let us know what you decided and how you worked this out.

Post # 13
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My Future Brother-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law threw one for us this past weekend, it was at a restaurant/bar and they paid for the food/drinks…it was really really nice…we had about 50 guests, and we received maybe 6 gifts…weird…people need to learn manners, you go to a party where someone feeds you, you bring a gift no matter how small….etiquette goes both ways, ya know!

Post # 14
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

My parents threw ours, so they paid.

Post # 15
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

FI’s aunt is paying for it. 

Post # 16
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you are hosting your engagement party, then you and your Fiance would pay.  I wouldn’t expect anyone to chip in.  We decided against an engagement party and just toasted it at one of big BBQ’s last summer and seem to be celebrating since.  The money we would of put out for the engagement party is money we were able to add to the wedding.

No matter what you decide to do, just have fun!

 

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