- 1 year ago
I am relatively new to the board. I first stumbled across this board about 6 months ago when my boyfriend and I had broken up the first time. I was nervous about being 28 and starting over and I found comfort in reading the board threads where people wrote about them finding love later in life. Well, my boyfriend and I ended up working things out until yesterday… a week before we were supposed to move out of state together and he broke up with me.
Let me give you a little back story. My boyfriend is younger than me by 3 years. A big change of pace for me considering I have only dated older. I moved from Southern California to Northern California about two years ago, and I met my ex out here about a year and half ago. I honestly thought he would be my first “fling” because in no way was I ever going to date someone younger than me. Boy was I wrong. My ex definitely wowed me with his maturity and drive for success. I was caught off guard that someone so young could be mature, or so I thought he was.
Before I agreed to go any further I sat him down and explained, I am 27 and in the next few years I’m looking to settle down and I didn’t expect him to want the same thing because he was such a young man and I would be ok with a “summer fling.” However, he had other plans in mind. He assured me he wanted to settle down and always dreamed of being a “younger” father. I was like alright, I’m willing to see how this goes and believed what he said.
Fast forward to almost a year in.. my boyfriend has been trying to become a cop since I met him. Cali is highly competitive out for law enforcement applicants. He was getting rejection letter after rejection letter and become completely discouraged. But his career was the only thing he can think of. I get it. I want him to have a good career too, but its all he could focus on. I asked him where he saw us in the next couple of years and he told me he didn’t know because he couldn’t think of that till his career. I told him we didn’t know how long it would take for him to get in and that thinking of a future shouldn’t interfere with you chasing after your dream. He didn’t see it that way and long story short we broke up because I felt like he wasn’t mature to see the bigger picture that we could be working on building a career and life together.
We don’t see each other for 5 weeks and hardly talk until one day he calls me out of the blue and tells me he made a big mistake and wants all the things I want. I told him he was confused and that he was only feeling this way because he missed me, which is normal during a breakup. Well, I agreed to hear him out and met up with him one evening and he asked if we could try dating again so he could prove to me he was serious. We didn’t hop back into the relationship and took things slow, but eventually, I found him to be serious in what he was saying. He asked me to move in with him 3 months after the breakup when both our leases were up. In the meantime, I applied to grad school and got in out here. So I would be starting grad school in January.
During our breakup, he had applied to a police department in another state( we don’t live far from the border) and he got into the academy. I was excited. Everything was seeming to fall into place. We came up with a plan that I would move to the other state with him and commute for school two times a week into Cali. Everything was set and ready. We had our Uhaul booked, furniture bought, and excitement flowing through us. But then we got into a disagreement (not even a fight) the week we were supposed to move and a couple of days later he broke up with me, telling me he wasn’t ready for this serious of a relationship if he had to worry if we’d be fighting while in the academy.
I quit my job so I could move with him and found another job in the state we were moving to. I now have no job here, no place to live in two weeks when my lease is up, and no boyfriend.
The only good thing… I get to keep the dog.
Needless to say, I am panicking about starting over and dating, and feel like my time is running out. I also feel like such a fool for falling for what he said after our first breakup.