(Closed) Dumped by my wedding planner – having an ‘I can’t do this!’ moment

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m sorry this has happened to you just 4 days into it!  Just take a step back and breathe.  You haven’t given her any money yet so nothing is lost.  I am absolutely sure that there is someone out there who is just as talented, and a lot less stupid!  I don’t know why she is now ignoring you after what sounds like iwas a perfectly reasonable email.  Don’t sweat it.  If you don’t feel like you can plan it by yourself, just do some more research and set up meetings with a few planners that sound good.  You do want to click and work well with your planner if you’re going to work with them through the whole thing!  Don’t worry, you can do it!


Post # 4
209 posts
Helper bee

Don’t feel so bad!  A vendor dropping you just because you ask some questions, is not a vendor worth the trouble! 

Post # 5
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Oh don’t feel bad, I had the same experience with a high-end caterer. She proposed that our catering for 125 people would cost $41,000. When I politely asked her to find ways to reduce the cost, she told me she “couldn’t do it for less.” I mean, really? You could feed half the population of Africa for that amount of money! I was extremely hurt at first but then I realized that it was ok – we weren’t a good fit. It’s nothing personal. You can definitely find someone else for cheaper and your budget is NOT “tight”. That woman was crazy to say that.

Post # 6
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree just stop for a few days and enjoy being engaged! ๐Ÿ™‚  Then you can start working again.  Go with your mom or a friend to look at venues and get an idea of what you want.  Start from there.  You can do this on your own but if you still feel like you need the help. Then find another planner.  But don’t get stressed out just yet.  This is suppose to be fun!

Post # 7
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You haven’t done anything wrong by asking these questions, so don’t take her response personally. Who knows what prompted her to ditch the job, but at least this happened early in the game. You still hold all the cards.

I’m not sure how soon you’re planning to get married, but if you have the time, don’t rush into hiring anyone right away. Spend some time reading blogs, magazines (I love Martha Stewart Weddings – look for back issues if you can so that you can read up on a lot in a short time), and wedding websites. Once you get into it, this really isn’t so complicated or intimidating. You just have to get your feet wet.

Kara is right about meeting with a few planners (if that’s the route you choose) and figure out who “gets you”, and who seems to have your best interest at heart. Go in with a list of questions — remember, you’re interviewing THEM for the job.

Good luck!

Post # 8
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Feeling overwhelmed? Don’t worry, I did too.  I am pretty good at planning parties, so I thought this would be so fun.  A couple days into it, I thought I was going to go crazy.  Now, 3 months later I feel much better.  I have a handle on things and don’t feel so stressed.

Let me recommend some things.  First, before you start planning and talking to people sit down with your fiance (FI in wedding web lingo) and talk about what you really want. Hometown wedding, city wedding? Don’t let a bad wedding planner ruin your big day. Second, find a wedding book that will help you the lingo and ideas.  Personally, I love “The Wedding Book: The Big Book for your Big Day” by Mindy Weiss.  (Mindy Weiss is a wedding planner, known by all in the wedding industry.) Third, don’t start stressing the small stuff, like favors, or cake ideas, or invitation.  Find a good wedding timeline, (again the book will help or the Knot website) and only focus on one or two things at time.  By only focusing on one or two things at at a time you will feel less stress.

As for the wedding planner dumping you. In my opinion, it seems she probably got offered a bigger wedding. Which really, you don’t want to work with someone like that.  Also, in the future, when you want someone/something, for example venue or photographer.  As soon as you know you want them, get a contract signed by both parties with a deposit! Make sure to include the name of the person who is suppose to provide the service in the contract. This way, you won’t have people backing out on you.

Good luck, Circus Peanut.  I am going to look for you on the boards to make sure you haven’t given up on weddings.  Try to enjoy it, it will get better.


Post # 9
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

sorry to hear re wedding planner. remember, you’re the one who’s interviewing them for a job. your budget doesn’t sound that skinny (unless you’re in ny in which case it’ll probably be about average!) meet lots of planners, if that’s the route you choose, and get their thoughts and ideas, as well as the way they approach things. it might help for you to formulate certain ideas for yourself 1st too – like what’s really important to the both of you / your families, words that you’d want to describe the wedding.  and you can definitely do it on your own – big or small. many brides have done it.. many more will.. so can you! ๐Ÿ™‚ just tackle one thing at a time.

Post # 10
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I just had a similar thing happen to me.  The venue I’m *this close* to signing with (or *was* this close to signing with) told me that maybe I should have my wedding some place else – simply because I asked if I could have my own caterer also provide alcohol since their alcohol provider charges me $1000 just for the bartenders. 

I figure that I’m better off knowing now before I spent my money and business there.  There will be kind people who are willing to help you along the way, you just have to go through a few duds to find them

Post # 11
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Just breathe ๐Ÿ™‚ I had 2 wedding coordinators cancel on me.  The first one bc she decided to take another event on the same day as mine so she dropped mine to do it and the other just stopped returning emails and such… in the end with help from friends and weddingbee I just did it myself… and it turned out wonderful… just try to stay calm… you’ll find someone I’m sure ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

first I have to say–i love your user name!  Circus peanuts are my favorite!

second, I think almost every bride feels a total sense of being overwhelmed and feeling unprepared when they start wedding planning.  It’s a completely new world you’re thrust into and you don’t even know where to start, what to do first, etc.

I got lots of advice during my wedding planning, (as most brides do), but the biggest advice I wished I’d heard immediately after being engaged is in regards to wedding planning is: TAKE YOUR TIME!

I don’t know what your wedding is, but don’t feel rushed into locking down any vendor until or unless you’ve alreasdy performed some serious research.  Ask around in the hive for good vendor questions (there are lots of resources)

Don’t get discouraged yet!  You’ll find a wonderful wedding planning adn get your show on the road.  In the meantime spend lots of time browing and little time decision making.  Looking for a while will help you solidify what you’re looking for without feeling pressured to make rash decisions.

Good luck, and welcome to the hive!

Post # 13
14 posts

I think this is a good sign. She’s not used to planning weddings on your budget, so she’s not going to know good venues, bands, photographers etc for you. You’ll be better off with a planner that knows the vendors in your price range. She could have just taken your $7000 and only suggested her expensive vendors and been really difficult and bad for both of you. Don’t worry ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Take a big, big breath. Now take a moment to think about this. Anyone can plan a wedding with an big budget. It takes creativity to plan a wedding while working on a budget, so I think your best bet would be to find a planner with experience working on weddings on all ends of the wedding spectrum, from high end to low budget.

Post # 16
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Just my puny little two cents but – OH BOY, you are SO blessed, you’ll be able to do amazing things and pretty much anything you want with the kind of budget you’re working with, even if you had to do it all on your own

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