(Closed) During a bad fight with your SO/FI/DH, do you ever…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee

I started wanting out of being with my ex so bad (through all the arguments and lack of communication) I dreamed of moving to Alaska. So much so, I started looking at job opportunities there.

If your boyfriend’s reactions are unusual, recent and surprising even to him, he may want to get evaluated. It could be he may be feeling pressure at work or stress from another source, or it could be he just needs a therapist to voice his thoughts and feelings to, someone who is not intimately aware of his issues and can give him objective feedback.

Post # 32
Member
6515 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
anonymousbee0516:  i hate fighting with DH. We have arguments but never let it get to a point of cursing/saying mean things. We agreed thats not the way we would ever fight. Of things start to get too heated we take a break, calm down and talk again. 

When fighting we still love eachother, we cant imagine not being together we just want the argument to stop. The thpught of not being with him when fighting never crosses my mind

Post # 33
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Sorry to hear about all that OP. 

Fiance and I rarely, rarely have arguments. But this morning was one of those rare times! My Fiance made a comment jokingly which touched on a sore subject and I snapped at him. In the moment of course I was upset with him and very very irritated. Did I seriously think about leaving him or ending the engagement? No, not even close. Just felt guilty for being so cranky and eager to find a way to make it up to him tonight.

It sounds like you and your Fiance would benefit from some counseling- disagreements are an inevitable part of any relationship but there are definitely healthy ways to solve these problems/arguments which will reinforce your security in the relationship versus making you feel like you need to question it. 

Post # 34
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
anonymousbee0516:  I did feel that way…in past relationships that all ended. I don’t ever feel that way with Fiance. 

Post # 35
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

My current relationship (with FI) is the first relationship where I can be as mad as ever, but still smile when I think of how much I love him.

its hard to stay fighting when I smile or laugh, so our fights usually don’t last very long or get very serious. 

With ex’s, I would be mad and wish I was single. I would definitely think of leaving and seriously contemplate it. 

Post # 36
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
anonymousbee0516:  I did not read any other posts or updates. To answer your question – Yes, I do.

When SO and I get in one of those bad fights (thankfully not often), sometimes in the middle of it I think “screw that, I am gonna move out, go out, and have fun without him, I can’t wait!!!”. I never say this outloud though because I know it is crossing the line. We also never cursed at each other or used F word in our fights. Never threw stuff at each other or got physical.

But one hour later we already made up and all I can think about is how I can’t live without him.

 

Anyway, I think it is normal. We are only human beings and when we fight with person we love, emotions run super high and you think or even say things you really did not mean. It is all about how you are going to handle it after argument is over.

Post # 37
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Our fights usually never get that heated, we yell though, but not to the point of swearing or calling each other names (which would be worse than yelling IMO).

There was one fight in particular that got really bad and I started thinking, maybe this means we aren’t be together. But then my next thought was how scary it was to think of being without him and that I still loved him (so I never even voiced that thought or wanted to follow through)

Post # 38
Member
3529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
caligirl0011:  I am glad I’m not the only one who does this!  We will be just getting to the real heat of an argument, and then we will both start laughing while still trying to argue.  I thought I was crazy!

Post # 39
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - His Way Church & Chesapeake Room @ Downs Park

View original reply
anonymousbee0516: So you have anxiety and depression and now this behavior coming from Fiance seems new. It sounds like it might be time to get him evaluated. Many people have these disorders that stay dormant until they are “awakened.” So maybe he already had depression/bipolar/anxiety before and those things are just starting to show now. Many times this stuff doesn’t rear it’s ugly head until mid-twenties. That is especially true for bipolar specifically. 

Plus, (please don’t feel bad for this) maybe your depression is starting to have a psychological effect on him. I know that when I was with my ex, he didn’t have any of these sort of issues (except maybe being a complete asshole) and he would tell me that I was “bringing him down.” Either way, it would be smart to get an eval and then maybe some counseling/therapy for you both. 

Good luck with everything <3 

Post # 40
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
juliastl:  100% agree on all points.

Post # 41
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

I’m similar to a lot of the other bees here, my SO and I can’t stay mad at each other for long. Even during our worst fights we would never say anything nasty. Generally he and I argue for a few minutes, get sick of it, and then talk it out reasonably, because we feel like that is the most mature way to handle it. I’ve never wanted the relationship to end, even at my angriest. I think you’d be better off finding someone you would never want to lose. 

Post # 42
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
anonymousbee0516:  I would be honest, before my DH and I got engaged we had a lot of problems.  Right towards the end of our last break up I wanted freedom.  I got that freedom but it didn’t last long because we got back together.  Just the thought of not having him in my future scared me.  Our relationship has become so much stronger from that last break up.  Even now when we argue over small things he ends up making me laugh a short time later.  Last night I got so mad at him and he just didn’t understand why I was so mad.  He made me laugh and then I kissed him because I realized that I was overreacting.  I love my DH will all my heart.  Just thinking that I was mad at him last night makes me tear up. 

Post # 43
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

anonymousbee0516: ohmygosh the second you mentioned the fights were due to his family’s negative actions my opinion on your original post changed. The worst fights I’ve ever had with my Fiance were because of his family’s actions. These fights were awful screaming crying just overwhelming- I had moments where I considered leaving my Fiance because of his family. So is it his family that is making you think about leaving him? For me I didn’t want to leave my Fiance he made me so incredibly happy & we have a wonderful relationship BUT it was his family that I wanted to get away from. Do you see the difference? Try to identify if you really are wanting to leave your Fiance or if its more the situation you’re trying to escape. I want you to know my heart goes out to you-my FI’S family almost broke us up but I chose to stay because he’ll be in my life until I die while his family we will not see that much after we’re married so it’s not easy but if your Fiance can set & enforce boundaries you will make it thru. But it’s vital you two get on the same page (took a lot of months for my Fiance to set limits but he first had to build up self esteem/see his worth/get the courage to stand up to a lifetime of abuse so you may need patience as it may take baby steps)

Feel free to send me a message if you want to talk more. I really hope you get thru this! I was able to (really wasnt sure i would at times) and am so thankful i stayed because now he and I are even more crazy happy & we have much needed boundaries with his family so it was worth it. Best of luck to you!!!

 

 

The topic ‘During a bad fight with your SO/FI/DH, do you ever…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors