(Closed) DV – I always wonder when I see articles like this, if its one of the bees…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I hate stories like this. 🙁

A co-worker of my brother’s was killed by her boyfriend last summer. It was really sad. http://articles.mcall.com/2011-06-19/news/mc-bethlehem-homicide-folo-20110619_1_multiple-arrests-affidavit-diamond-ring

You have to wonder, she told people he was going to kill her 2 weeks before. Why didn’t she just leave? My heart absolutely breaks thinking that she thought she had no way out.

Post # 18
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

That article that’s posted in the OP is from my local newspaper. 🙁 Unfortunately, there’ve been several local law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty as of late in our local area, and the public outrage is all over the news.

Post # 19
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@purple_orchids:  there isnt always a way to get away from it.. i left and he stalked me.. i had to relocate and thank god i did that after i moved back closer to my family..before that when it was just me and him- i had NO ONE ELSE and 2 small children…. if you go to a shelter,,what others dont know is that they give you max of 30 days – some only 7! before you have to leave, this does not include income or living expenses, no food!- and i worked with my ex.so i literally walked away from a my job and home…this was After he was put out of the home and fired from the job..he never quit coming after me, or knowing w here i was.

@MrsSl82be:  you are totally right! when i did finally leave..he kidnapped my kids – broke  right into my brothers home an took them at 2am… he threatened me and them and it turned into a nasty police issue

 

and in the end..he NEVER went to jail! 

Post # 20
Member
9481 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Absolutely awful and heartbreaking.

Post # 21
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@shalynnmarie:  wow, all that and no jail time??? that’s just disgusting, and one of the numerous problems with some law enforcement agencies around the country.

Post # 22
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MrsSl82be:  yes it was a nightmare.. theres so many details i even reported the police officers to the DAs office! …but he was a sly one… found out 3 years ago he did the same thing.. still NO JAIL ( that time the female dropped charges, im sure we know why)

Post # 23
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@shalynnmarie:  I’m sorry. I had no idea that some shelters did that. It’s just awful and all I can think about is that they can escape and get away but I know that some people have a hard time in doing so. I’m glad you did manage to get away from your ex-husband and are doing well now. =)

Post # 24
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@purple_orchids:  thank you so much! i honestly didnt know either until i looked into it myself! its very shocking and scary for those that are trapped..i am safe and  happy now,with a man that would never ever ever attempt ( son of a police officer).

 

Post # 25
Member
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I honestly didn’t know that what my husband was doing was wrong.  I thought it was my fault, and I made him do it, and I must be mistaken.  When I finally started realizing it wasn’t my fault (which was hard, because he had slowly isolated me from my family and friends, and wouldn’t let me leave the house anymore), I tried calling the police and the operator didn’t believe me; she asked me if I needed to go to the hospital and when I said no she said I was fine and suggested I not waste their time.

I know I should have gotten out sooner than I did, but I can’t agree that women know they have ways out, or even that they fully believe they’re being abused or that they need help or that he won’t go back to being the way he was when you fell in love. Abusers count on that to keep their victims.  Realizing that you need to get out can be a process.

Post # 27
Member
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mandypop:  Agreed, it’s far better to risk a friend hating you.  No one knew what was going on, they just assumed we were in a sort of newlywed-bliss retreat and that’s why I never did anything with them anymore.  The thing that really makes me angry now is that when I called 911 I had an operator tell me to stop wasting their time and I took that to be confirmation that I was just being crazy.  It makes me wonder how many women take the first step to try and get away and get blocked right at the door.  

My mom had some idea of what was going on but she didn’t really want it to be true so she kind of went into denial, except for telling my ex-husband to take me to therapy.  Where the therapist told me I was wrong.  I think she just didn’t know what to do and assumed a professional would but didn’t realize that if my husband arranged it he could pick any therapist he wanted and tell the therapist whatever he wanted before I got a chance to meet with him.

Post # 29
Member
3623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@HappierKate:  What did you tell 911? That’s so messed up. I hope that operater was fired.

Post # 30
Member
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mandypop:  It makes me really angry now, too.  I can understand being tired of prank calls, and I can understand having a bad day, but your job is to take those calls seriously each time, please do it.  I really do think that the norm is to take those things seriously, it’s just one of those jobs where if you do something wrong it can have serious consequences.

I think it’s really sad that the father in the article is so resigned to what happened…it’s like everyone who was in that girl’s life was just waiting to get a call like that.  It must be heartbreaking to watch someone stay in that situation.  And you’re right, relationships like that are a ticking timebomb and you don’t get a second chance.  I hope anyone who reads this realizes that if people they love are trying to warn them, there might be something to it.

Post # 31
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@zippylef:  That happened sort of close to me! What a horrid story. I wish she would have left him when he threatened her the first time.

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