Post # 1
As requested, here is an update. So after all that was said to me by you guys and my coworker, I decided to make an unrestricted report. In the military world this is the same as filing a police report. What happens is a case is opened, and the victim and offender both have a chance to tell “their side” and then it goes to a review board (like a jury but military) and they decide whether he’s guilty or not. I told my side from start to finish yesterday. I didn’t warn him because I didn’t want him to get angry with me, so although it was chicken of me, I waited till he was at work and played dumb while his command told him a report had been filed. His command then issued a Military Protective Order that says he cannot have any contact with me for 30 days and can’t come within 500 feet of our house or me. Although this kills me, it will be for the best. He has moved back into the barracks as well. He had his appointment today and told the full story from his point of view. It will then go to the review board and he will get personal counseling, alcohol related counseling, and will go to a 14 week Domestic Violence class. It’s like AA for offenders; there will be 10+ other men who have done the same thing and can realize together that what they did was unacceptable.
As of now, he hates me. But that’s okay, because he needed help and will now be able to get it. I’m having a really hard time because I now have to live alone for 30 days and go without contacting him, and also because it’s hard to talk to people about it. I feel so alone. He says he feels betrayed because I didn’t warn him, and because he meant what he said when he said it wouldn’t happen again. I keep reminding him that if he hadn’t layed a hand on me, I wouldn’t have had any reason to “betray” him. He wants nothing to do with me right now. Once this is all said and done I sincerely hope we can salvage our marriage and he will come out a better man.
So that’s it. I’m safe, he can’t contact or see me, and will get the help he needs. Sorry this is all over the place, I’m a mess.
Post # 3
You did not play chicken by waiting until you were away from him for him to find out a report was filed, that was the safest thing you could have done!
Thank you for the update and I am very proud of you for doing this. Stay strong. It’s so great to finally read an update from a Bee that took initiative and removed herself from the situation!
Post # 4
I have a lot of respect for you for doing such a brave thing, and most importantly, the right thing. You were absolutely right when you said you wouldn’t have had to do this in the first place if he’d never laid a hand on you. Just know that you have a lot of support here, a lot of prayers for you, and a place to vent to. Best of luck to you in this process – you are obviously a very strong soul.
Post # 5
You did the right thing. My guess is he’ll play nice for awhile and he’ll resort back to old habits. I don’t trust that this will improve his character one bit.
Post # 6
I agree with Soyjoy. I’m so proud of you and so happy you’re taking action to protect yourself. I’m sending you lots of love and happy thoughts, stay safe. ((hugs))
Post # 7
I’m very proud of you I know it will be hard but be strong..
Post # 8
What Soyjoy said. All of it. I am so proud of you!!! If you do need someone to talk to, the bees are here, or you can PM me. I know it’s hard. Been there done that. But it will get better! Love to you dear!
Post # 9
I am glad to hear you made the right choice.
My only other word of advice is find another place to live for 30 days. He is mad. He knows where you live. He has access to a gun.
Post # 10
You did the right thing. He should not in *any* way be mad at you, he should be mad at himself. Wishing all the best for you.
Post # 11
I know this is hard – sending supporting vibes your way. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend or family member for support. It might feel impossible, but I’m sure they would want to be there for you.
Post # 12
I also wanted to chime in and say how proud of you I am! And you certainly did not do anything cowardly…you were making sure you were safe. I know that you’re hoping to salvage your marriage after this, but please be sure that you have a plan B in case he comes out of this counseling and nothing has changed.
Post # 13
Best update I’ve seen. I am so glad that you stuck to your guns. Dont let him guilt trip you. If he goes through the necessary training and steps, he will come back knowing that he cant just apologize this away.
Post # 14
Thank you for the support. It helps to hear that I did the right thing. He’s had a few chances to text me because he was on his way back from the appointment, and every single text was hatemail. That I betrayed him by tattling and then sitting and waiting while he got in trouble. That he’ll never be the same towards me because I betrayed our marriage by telling his command and not even having the decency to tell him first. He tries to say that if I would’ve sat him down more sternly, he would’ve gotten counseling.
I know I did the right thing, or at least I try to remind myself I did. He betrayed our marriage by hurting me, not me. I would’ve had no reason to betray him if he hadn’t abused me. He refused counseling, so he wouldn’t have done it no matter what he says. I did the right thing.
… Can you tell I’m trying to convice myself? This sucks. I’ve cried like 50 times in the last week. I just hope when this is all over it’ll just be a bad memorry and we can move on and be happy.
Post # 15
I am so glad you posted an update!! And I’m so glad (and proud) that you did the right thing and filed a report.
I just hope that this time apart will make you realize that you are stronger than you thought and that you don’t need him bringing you down. Try to go out with friends and get your mind off of that loser. He’s only mad at you because you stood up for yourself. Just be careful and don’t let him back into your life too quickly or easily… He needs to earn your trust again if you really want to try to make this work.
Post # 16
So sorry that you’re having a hard time but you absolutely did the right thing. Absolutely.