(Closed) DV Update

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so glad you posted– I’ve been thinking about you. You are incredibly strong. Remember that if things get tough. Thank you for sharing your story with such grace and honesty. Hugs to you!

Post # 63
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m so happy you did that! I hope you find a good church, enjoy your time focusing on you. Please do not let him in your life again, I do not think you should take his promises that he will never feel the same towards you–he really won’t. Pretty much this is it, you are not going to be safe with him again. I’m proud of you, you are a strong person and it doesn’t matter if other people think this is ‘pointless’…too much snarkiness lately anyway. GO YOU!

Post # 64
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@i_neverthought:  I was going to send you a PM but thought I would post in case other battered women are reading this but to scared to come forward. First of all congratulations on becoming a role model. I am hoping this empowers other women to step out from under abuse. Way to go you! Secondly I want to recommend this book. It really gave me a great deal of insight into abuse and what a man’s true healing looks like. Sadly my ex to this day hasn’t reached that point. Maybe yours will maybe he won’t but please be careful and don’t fall prey to your own wants and desires. It is so tempting to just believe.

http://www.amazon.com/Angry-Men-Women-Love-Them/dp/0834116766

 

Post # 65
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I owe you an apology….I also didn’t think you’d go through with reporting him. I’ve so much respect for you right now. Please make sure you keep looking after yourself. xx

Post # 67
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I can completely understand why you thought of not updating. Sometimes these threads get a little crazy. Either way, I am happy you updated. And again I am so proud of you because I know it was tough. 

I will say this. It’s going to take a long time to feel “normal” again. After I got out of my abusive relationship I made some very poor decisions and was extremely depressed. I’m not saying this will happen to you…everyone handles situations differently. I eventually went to therapy to make myself better. It was a serious struggle everyday. But I promise-it gets better! It is absolutely normal to feel alone and question your decision because you do love the person despite everything. I hate to admit this, but even after I left, a couple months later when he had convinced me he changed, I went back . Nothing had changed and when he threatened to commit suicide if I didn’t marry him was when I finally made a clean break. I haven’t spoken to him in several years. Now I’m engaged to a wonderful man and haven’t looked back! You are such a courageous woman and I’m very proud of you for doing this!

Post # 68
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@i_neverthought:  I think what you did was very brave and honorable.  You’re trying to help him get the help that he needs.  He’s going to be angry, of course, but one day he will realize that you were right.

Sending strength your way!

Post # 69
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

After reading this I am very proud of you for reporting your husband. I read your previous thread and while I didn’t comment I read it and hoped that you would report your husband. No person should have to go what you went through. I’m happy that you are going to find yourself again and become independent. It’s just best to take it one day at a time and get the support you need. It’s awesome you have two friends who are going to be there for support. You are very brave to do this and sure your husband might be angry at you but one day I hope he knows that you did the right thing!

Post # 70
Member
10849 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@i_neverthought:  We are all very proud of you and we all are here for you. Let me counter your what ifs with what ifs that are just as plausible: What if he had pulled the trigger? What if he beat you senseless next time? What if you lived every day in fear of your husband? What if you decided to have kids? What if those kids grew up watching their mom get beat up? What if they tried to get in the middle? What if he killed you? Those are scary questions. They were hard for me even to type.  The problem with what if is that you’ll never get the answers. The what if game is dangerous because it can tempt you to only think about the possible positive outcomes, but remember that what if can apply to negative happenstances as well. And what if is not reality. THIS is your reality. THIS is the hand you’ve been dealt and the cards you have to play. I’m glad you have a counseling appointment and I hope you can move forward and keep taking care of you honey. We’re all here for you.

Post # 71
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow, I am so happy to read these posts from you. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but you did the right thing. Your husband is getting help and learning that he can’t abuse you with no consequences, and you are getting the chance to heal apart from him. I’m glad to hear that you are going to individual couseling. I think that will really help you improve your self-image and will make it easier for you to decide how to move forward from this. Good luck! Don’t get discourage; you are doing the right thing for you!

Post # 72
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So glad to read your updates! Prayers have been coming your way since your first thread, and I’m really glad that you found the strength to file the unrestricted report. PPs have covered everything I want to say about him trying to turn the blame on you (“you could’ve talked to me first” *very bad idea from a safety standpoint!*, “you betrayed me” *no, he betrayed you, you protected yourself* etc), so I’ll just say that I’m happy to see that you were so strong.

I’m so glad that you’re going to this women’s weekend and seeking counseling. Be honest with yourself and your counselor and your friends, and take the professional advice to heart. It may be nice to hope that he will come through this ‘punishment’ (personally, I see it as consequences, not punishment – he KNEW this behavior was wrong, that’s why he didn’t want you telling anyone) and be a better husband, but listen to what your counselor has to say about abuse and the cycle and behaviors, etc. He may not change, and that needs to be something you consider and think through in these next 30 days while you get safe, strong, and free from fear. 

Lots of bees are thinking of you, and we’re always here when you need us. Please keep us updated. *hugs*

Post # 73
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Nothing else to add that hasn’t been expressed already. Good. For. You. You’re in my thoughts. Stay strong.

Post # 74
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

you absolutely did the right thing by reporting him and by taking care of yourself now. of course it’s hard and it hurts–this is a horrible situation. but just remember, he betrayed you, not the other way around, and you deserve so much more love, respect, consideration, and kindness than he has shown you. we’re all proud of you for standing up for yourself.

Post # 75
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so happy to hear from you and so happy you decided to do the RIGHT thing. Of course he is going to try to blame you, but he did this to your marriage, not you. Don’t ever let him make you think otherwise. Sending you lots of love, hugs and best wishes.

Post # 76
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so happy you are okay.  I was one of the posters that suggested you save the texts, but that was more so in the event that he countered the story that you filed in the unrestricted report and you needed them to protect yourself.  I am confident that you did the right thing with this.  Telling others is one of the hardest parts of abuse because it shines a light on some of the darkest places of the home- a place that normally is very private and sacred.  It is so vital for this light to be shone on your situation to help keep him in check and keep you safe!

I honestly think it is shocking that a pay dock would be associated with this (I am not familiar with the military though), as money stress is just another stressor in a situation riddled with stress.  I really do wish you well and whether you give him the GIFT of you remaining married to him, or you decide to forge a path on your own, I am confident that you will do just fine.  You have already proven your strength in how you handled this, after all.

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