- 7 years ago
Going anon.. for obvious reasons. This is super long, but I feel the need to explain all the details, sorry.
Last night Darling Husband and I got into a huge fight. We were having a great night, watching our tv shows, and decided to have a few drinks. I made us two margaritas, and we were having a fun time! 11:00 rolled around and we decided to go upstairs for bed, so I was letting the dog go potty and he was using the restroom. I came into the bathroom and he looked at me (while still urinating) and [accidentally?] peed on the bowl of the toilet and on the floor. I didn’t find this funny so I rolled my eyes, left the room, and went upstairs.
When I got upstairs, Darling Husband came up after me and called me a bitch. My response was… “A bitch because I didn’t think you peeing on the floor was funny? Okay.” He said I was being a bitch earlier in the night too, which I never was, and I told him to please stop before he ruined a good night. He told me no, I ruined the night. I was brushing my teeth so I continued brushing them and just ignored the rest of what he was saying. He suddenly got even more angry and got really close to my face while he too was brushing his teeth, and spit his toothpaste in my face. I got pretty upset at this point, and got into bed and was just going to go to sleep.
The next thing I know he’s in my face, pulling my hair by my ponytail, whipping me in the face with a T-shirt? I seriously have no clue why, but a crazy switch flipped in him. I cried for him to stop but didn’t lash back, because something to this extent has happened before and he overpowers me so I learned it’s best to be submissive in this type of situation. The rest is all a blur. I admit I was a bit tipsy, but also it’s hard to remember every detail because we were in the heat of the moment. He ended up choking me, holding my wrists down as hard as he could while I was screaming crying, etc. Again I was being submissive because it’s waay worse to fight back, so I rolled over crying and was going to go to bed. Recently we put a gun by our bed for protection, so then I heard the gun being picked up and that’s when I freaked out. I lunged towards him to rip the gun out of his hand and he said I “hit him in the face” because he ducked his head when I was lunging.
He left the room with both guns (the other was in a case under the bed) and went into the guest bedroom. I told him I was going to call the police but didn’t have the guts to. Obviously I wasn’t going to just let him be in the room with guns/ammo by himself in the state he was in, so I tried to get into the guest bedroom. He was up against the door so when I tried to force the door open I reached my arm in there and it got slammed in the door. I went to our room bawling, and tried to call someone to talk to. I called his brother, and told him “you need to talk to your brother before he kills himself or kills his wife.” Darling Husband heard, came out of the room, and started literally freaking shit on me. I “did the unthinkable and tried to get his brother against him” and he literally starting throwing me on the floor and punching me in the stomach over and over. I was never trying to get his brother against him; he and his brother are exactly alike so I was hoping he could calm him down. After this he went back into the guest bedroom and again I went to bed bawling. After about 10 minutes he joined me and we layed not facing eachother. He then started saying that he can’t believe I got physical with him (umm.. what?! the only time I even attempted to touch him was to pull a loaded gun from his hand) and I never cared about him, I was a liar and he knew from the beginning… I was better off without him, don’t expect us to talk tomorrow, etc etc.
Backstory: He grew up in this sort of environment. He doesn’t like to talk about it, but every once in a blue moon I’ll hear a story about how his mom hit him until the cops were called, or his dad would yell at him and go into blind rage mode for no reason at all. He’s getting better at controlling his anger, and on one hand I don’t want to just up and leave him because it’s not his fault this is how he grew up. Also, we are married. I made vows; till death do us part. We agreed before getting married that divorce was never an option. When we’re good we’re reeeally good. He is sweet, funny, we have a great time together. But then instances like this happen, and it rocks my whole world. I never thought I’d be that girl, who marries a man who would ever raise his hand at me. This has happened twice before, so 3 times in the past 2 years. The worst part is I’ve lashed out at him in anger and tried to “shove” him, which I know was wrong. In my defense, a 125 lb girl trying to shove a 180lb man, who in turn punches/chokes me because “I started it” does not seem fair at all, but since I’ve shoved him before, he tries to say that I’m the one that started the physical abuse.
Do I tell him to go to counseling? Do we seek counseling together? Do I cut my losses and leave? We’ve been married 18 months. This sounds much worse typed all out…