(Closed) “You want me to give you money, but no invite?” DW&Shower

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

The BYOB part is a turn off. If you are going to have a shower and have guests shower you with gifts then you should in turn host it properly! As far as her having a destination wedding and a shower I don’t see anything wrong with that especially since you aren’t sure if you are invited to the actual wedding yet. I wouldn’t however have a shower for guests who are not invited to the wedding. I am having a destination wedding also and made it clear that I don’t want a shower because it is a small wedding and I don’t want to have a shower with guests not invited to the wedding. My sisters and mom however, are adamant about hosting some sort of shower for me anyway because they are excited about it so I won’t be surprised if they throw a “surprise” shower for me.  So that might be the same case for her sisters.

Post # 4
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

The BYOB part is a turn off. If you are going to have a shower and have guests shower you with gifts then you should in turn host it properly! As far as her having a destination wedding and a shower I don’t see anything wrong with that especially since you aren’t sure if you are invited to the actual wedding yet. I wouldn’t however have a shower for guests who are not invited to the wedding. I am having a destination wedding also and made it clear that I don’t want a shower because it is a small wedding and I don’t want to have a shower with guests not invited to the wedding. My sisters and mom however, are adamant about hosting some sort of shower for me anyway because they are excited about it so I won’t be surprised if they throw a “surprise” shower for me.  So that might be the same case for her sister.

Post # 5
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee

First of all I think your title is a bit misleading. It sounds like it may have been the sister’s idea to throw them a shower and so I don’t think its a money grab (and you already stated that you don’t think that the bride is that type of person).

As for the wedding, you don’t know if you’re invited but it kinda sounds like you aren’t planning on going if you are since it is a Destination Wedding.

I think I would send a card and maybe a small gift just in case, since you are good friends.

Post # 6
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would call up your friend and ask her. If her sister did bully her into the shower, I’m sure she would tell you. Maybe you can ask her what her wishes are, you might be surprised that she too thinks the “shower” is in poor taste. If this is the case, you have an out. Support comes in more ways than a check or a gift, so maybe being the person she can vent to (if she was pressured into the shower) will be more of a gift than any one at her BYOB shower could give.

Post # 7
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with @Koala Bear‘s interpretation, that it’s more of the sister’s work.

How did she get your contact info if you’re not on the Destination Wedding invite list?

Post # 8
Member
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

LOL! I’m way more put off by the idea of having to bring your own CHAIR!

Post # 9
Member
14402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont care how much someone begged me, I would not let them throw me a shower and put in words on an invite/email/whatever – “Let’s shower them with money”.  BYOB and chair… oye.. I get budgets and casual get togethers, but oye….

Post # 10
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

There are so many things wrong with this:

1. If you choose to have a small destination wedding you are also choosing to have a small shower. It’s never OK to invite someone to a shower and not to the wedding. Destination weddings are no excuse for this faux pas.

2.  If all you want is cash, then you DON’T do a shower! The whole point of a shower is to watch the bride open the presents. And you certainly not blatantly ask for it on the invitation!

3.  BYOB?  Really?

Post # 11
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The biggest factor for me in your post is that you want to attend.  So, attend!

The details are irrelevant, at that point.

But… the whole thing sounds like a hot mess of a shower, IMO.  🙂

Post # 12
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t see much wrong with this…

She’s just having a shower before her big day, and instead of a registry it’s “cash” which was spread by word of mouth (kinda from an external party… still OK).

Sounds like a casual affair, so I wouldn’t be offended as probably most guests aren’t going to be invited (it seems…)

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

personally they lost me at hot tub… do people really do that with mass invites??  cue cheesey 70’s porn muzak 🙂

but i feel OP, i mean “Let’s shower them with money..”.  yeah – i wouldnt be feeling warm and fuzzy over that either

Post # 14
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Let’s shower them with money for their Ocean Wedding Spot!

To me, That sounds like you’d be helping to pay for their wedding. 

And if you’re not invited that’s just tacky. 

If I went, I think i’d just bring a card. 

The topic ‘“You want me to give you money, but no invite?” DW&Shower’ is closed to new replies.

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