(Closed) DW and Bridesmaids-Vent

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
Member
709 posts
Busy bee

SkinnyLatte17:  I do understand your frustration. you’ve made a lot of effort to be in other people’s wedding and now that is your turn, they won’t do the same for you. BUT like plenty of people have said…. priorities do change… especially after people get married themselves / start families of their own. And it’s already expensive to be in a non-DW wedding and plenty of pps have tried to estimate the costs on your BMs for an actual Destination Wedding. so just try to let it go. do what’s important for you and Fiance. if you do want to get married in PR, go ahead and do so (sounds like a lovely idea!). 

Post # 33
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

Yeeeah, you definitely can’t be upset at anyone, even “bridesmaids”, for not attending a Destination Wedding. A new baby and medical bills are a *completely* valid reason for not attending. It doesn’t matter that you were able to attend her wedding, her life right now doesn’t allow her to attend yours. Assuming other people have the time/money to do anything really isn’t fair. If your friends being there is that important to you, you’d have to have a non-DW.

Post # 34
Member
628 posts
Busy bee

Sassygrn:  +1. Judging someone’s financial situation without context is not appropriate or fair. You don’t get to choose how they spend their money or what their priorities are. 

OP, you were in a bad financial situation – which you told us, we aren’t making assumptions – and you still chose to spend government money on a wedding. That doesn’t exactly sound responsible or like your priorities were in order and you’re judging others for not putting yourwedding before their bills and family expenses.  

If people say they can’t afford it – or just plain don’t want to – that’s their choice. When you ask someone to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, they should know all wedding details in advance, not be given a surprise Destination Wedding invite and have it treated as a summons. 

Post # 35
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

somethingblue04:  

It’s laughable that in the same post you told someone not to judge someone else’s financial situation you then do the same thing in your next paragraph by assuming she used “government money” to pay to be in someone’s wedding. 

Just because someone isn’t working doesn’t mean they are living off the government.   

Post # 36
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We dealt with this as well. We spend about $3500 to travel for my Fiance best friend’s Destination Wedding. We let them know 1 year in advance that we were planning one as well and when it came down to rsvping, they declined. We also found out that they aren’t actually married – they had a “symbolic wedding” which they only told us a year after their Destination Wedding. 

Post # 37
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

MinkaGrl01:  I think somethingblue04 was refering to this: “During this time I had lost my job so I was only receiving unemployment, was raising a daughter and paying all my bills.” in the OP. In a lot of places, “receiving unemployment” would mean government money, but not everywhere.

Post # 38
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I totally missed that! Big apologies!! I read it and was like huh?? Seemed like a big leap if all she said was she wasn’t working at the time. 

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