(Closed) DW and gifts Conundrum…

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I think you run into a common problem for many brides-to-be. A lot of couples are established, and there are certain things you don’t need.

  That being said, I would consider making at least a small registry. You can use the opportunity to upgrade a few things, or maybe register for some home decor items. I don’t know what your living situation is like, but my Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law has a registry at Home Depot, if you have some home projects in mind. No matter what, some people will want to get you an actual gift in lieu of money. To put it bluntly, with a registry, you run a better chance of getting something you like rather than people trying to guess at what you need. We’re in a different boat than you, but we’ve still gotten some gifts that were off the registry. We appreciate the thought behind them and the fact that someone spent their own time and money to get us something, but I’m not sure if it’s quite the style we would have picked out ourselves.


Post # 4
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Most guests will give you gifts for a destination wedding either when you get home or at a shower before.  If they bring a gift it would probably be a card with money or a gift card.  They aren’t going to want to haul toaster ovens, etc with them.  It would be fine to register, a lot of people will gift you at home before and after.

Post # 5
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you don’t register you may be more likely to receive crystal bowls and frames than cash. (I speak from experience – and have a registry set up now.) I know it’s a destination wedding, but maybe setting up some kind of honeymoon registry? Or requesting gift cards to your favorite restaurants?

Post # 6
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We had a destination wedding, and for the most part people understood that we couldn’t really lug a bunch of stuff on a plane with us.  We got mostly cards with cash, checks, or gift cards.  Those that did buy off our small registry opted to have our gifts sent straight to our home before or afterward.  I think a lot of people buy from online registries, and there is the option to ship directly to the recipient’s house on most websites.  There isn’t really a polite way to word this request that I’ve found, but most people will just understand that you aren’t going to have room on a plane for stand mixers and china sets.  🙂

Post # 7
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ah, I’ve answered this question before. 

Unfortunately, there’s no pretty way to ask for cash. Technically, that can be your answer if people ask you directly, but honestly, doesn’t it make you feel awkward just to think of that conversation?

G: We want to get you a gift! Where are you registered? What would you like?

YOU: Oh, we’d really like money.


Generally, the strategy is to compose a small registry and hope that guests take the hint that you want cash. You can ask those nearest to you to spread it word of mouth (but they may not because again, it can be a bit awkward). You might also consider registering wiht a retailer that has a good return policy and wide variety–perhaps something like Sears because you might not need a melon baller, but you could put the purchased gifts towards a larger purchase. 

Annnnd, this is totally my take on things, so it’s up to you, but if I had a destination wedding, I don’t think that requesting ANY form of cash–honeyfund or money for a car–would go over well with my crowd, simply because there’s something about a Destination Wedding that suggests a kind of indulgence (not saying that’s reasonable, but it does). I mean, if you are jetting off to the Caribbean or something to get married, then it seems a bit like Peter paying Paul to have a honeymoon fund on top of it, KWIM? Or, as the saying goes, “if you really need the cash…why are you having a wedding?…In Aruba??” So, like I said–that’s totally just how my peeps would think and maybe your friends would be cool with it, but just to give you that perspective in case it’s not something that you were considering. 


Post # 9
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This may be a bit sneaky….ok, it IS sneaky……but you should register at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.   If you return a gift to the store (that someone bought on your registry) you can get cash instead of store credit.

But you may want to consider ungrading some of your stuff.  We lived together before getting engaged, and “had” everything we needed.  But our plates and glasses were mismatched, our vacuum was old, and our towels were pretty ratty.  So we have been getting new things and donating our old stuff to needy grad students or goodwill.  And we did not have any nice plate settings, so we registered for that too.

So, consider a regsitry to upgrade your stuff.  Be sure to have a range of price points.  Because people will want to get you stuff (I am constantly amazed at my friends and families generosity!) and if you don’t set a regsitry, they will get you something that (1) you probably don’t want and (2) you are either stuck with it or “store credit”.

Again, the nice thing about BBB – when we received non-regsitry gifts, we could return them for cash….just sayin…..

There is no polite way to ask for money.  You can do a Honeymoon Fund, but some people also frown upon that, too.  

Post # 10
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Small registry of upgrades is the way to go, and pass the word along to the family gossip that you’re saving for some big purchase (with us its a down payment for a house.)

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