- 3 years ago
This was marked as spam for some reason, originally.
This is a two-parter.
So my Fiance and I are moving to Hawaii this summer. We were planning on marrying near the end of the year, so for ease of planning, I want to get married where I live, which will be Hawaii. How romantic, right? Our friends and family are spread out all accross the country. There is no one place where a “majority” of them are. So everyone would have to travel for the wedding if they wanted to come, anyway. My mother has been giving me some grief about it though.
She wanted a large wedding with all her family present. I never grew up close to my extended family. I love my uncles and aunts, but I wouldn’t know what to talk about with them if it were just us in a room together. I don’t want a big wedding. If it were up to me, it’d be max 30 people. And my Fiance, who is an introvert, wants a teeny wedding, 20 max. But mom wants a big one, with her brothers flying in from South America where they live, so she’s been giving me a lot of grief about the expense for the guests.
I know that it will be expensive for our guests to get to Hawaii. For some, cost-prohibitive. I know of one of my friends who won’t be able to go, and another who is a solid maybe, just because of the cost. I can try to mitigate those costs for them by renting a house for them to stay at instead of staying at a hotel, for example. But even if we had chosen to marry where we live now, instead of in Hawaii where we will live then, our friends and family will have to travel, and the ones that would have trouble affording it would still have trouble affording it.
It’s a tricky situation. I’m not really sure what I’m asking here. I just don’t know what to do.
We want to make it official before we move, since FI’s work will pay to move me too if we’re married and that’s a ludicrous expense to pay out of pocket when the alternative is to marry early and move for free. Originally it was going to be me, Fiance, and our immediate families there, for a quick courthouse wedding and dinner afterwards. Honestly I didn’t even want to do that much for it, but I know that mom’s heart would be broken if they were left out of that step.
I have a friend who is an officiant and she has offered to marry us, and kindly extended an offer to do it at her home. Now mom wants to get a photographer and flowers and a new dress and catering!!!! And make a big to-do for what was supposed to be a simple little affair with minimal cost.
The part of me that wants to keep her happy says, why not just have this mini-wedding and reception to appease mother. But if I’m going to spend the money to do all that, I should just invite everyone to it instead of asking people to meet us in Hawaii. But my dress won’t be ready until July (right around when we’ll be moving), and I’ve already paid for it. And I don’t want to plan a wedding while I’m also dealing with preparing for a move.
I just feel like I’m chasing my own tail here.
Any guidance appreciated.