DW, parents can’t go, what to do?!?!

posted 7 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i did a Destination Wedding in Jamaica – for me it was my dream to get married on the beach, for my husband he wanted a small wedding similar to the reasons you have, so for  us it worked.  we also wanted immediate family and close friends to come.  lucky for us it worked out, BUT not after signficant stress and headaches and going through phases of wanting to cancel and do a local wedding!  so believe me, i understnad.

what we did in the end was have our wedding the way we wanted.  we made sure both our parents could come.  My  husband’s parents didn’t have money until they sold theri house, so we paid for them and they actually paid us back a few months later.  My sister and bridesmaids and 2 other friends + SOs were able to attend. BUT my husband’s sister was not. that was a let down and one of the reasons i questioned doing it the way we did.

to make up for his sister and consequently her kids who were supposed to be a bridesmaid and groomsman not attending, as well as a couple of my close friends, was do a small, informal and inexpensive reception back home.  Think backyard BBQ party.   On the afternoon of the party, we arranged to take formal wedding pictures with the bridal party and my husband’s family who couldn’t come. so everyone in the end felt included and had fun.  

 

Post # 4
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

We are having a destination wedding as well so I can understand your reasoning! I wanted one because I only wanted my closest family and friends there, the ones who would make it a priority to be there for us and not just show up for a free mean and booze.  That said, I probably couldn’t have a destination wedding if my parents told me they couldn’t come. My parents and I are very close and I wouldn’t want them to miss it for the world. It all depends on your relationship too, I guess! We are also have a smaller recepion where my FI’s parents live since a lot of their church friends, neighbors, etc wont be able to attend so his family wants to host a reception up there. I think honestly you can only do what feels right for YOU guys! Good luck 🙂

Post # 5
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

decide what is more important: the dw you want, or your family/guests being there.  It’s really simple but not easy.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It depends on how important it is to have your parents persent at your wedding. I am very close to mine and could not fathom a wedding ceremony without them there. We chose to not have a Destination Wedding because an important member of Mr. LK’s family would not be able to travel. So we compromised on a semi-destination. It was 60+ minutes away from everyone’s homes, and 90% of the guests chose to stay overnight, giving it a Destination Wedding feel, but it was still close enough to the medical care that this family member needs.  For us family mattered more than a Destination Wedding. And we kept of semi-DW at 30 guests, so it can be done.

Post # 7
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Are they saying they cant go or can they really not go? The only reason Fiance or my parents wouldnt attend a Destination Wedding if we had one would be money – and we would be paying for them to be there. Personally I almost wish we would have just done a small surprise wedding and lured our parents “for dinner.”

Post # 8
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Destination Wedding sometimes is not easier….. I have found it to be really stressful with my immediate family complaining over travel etc. Saying they are coming then not coming then coming then not coming ….. Fi’s family has been awesome but mine on the other hand have been all over the map. We has discussed cancelling many times but know we just stopped listening to others and are just thinking of ourselves for once. We are typically both people pleasers so it is hard for us to put ourselves and our happiness first!

Post # 10
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m in your shoes almost exactly.  My fiances parents cannot come but most of my family will be able to make it.  This is how I justified our wedding location choice… I asked my fiance (and myself) “if no one is able to come or some very important members of our family can’t make it, is this still the place that we want to get married?”  We both said yes, so I know that this is where we should get hitched!  If we would have had second thoughts because one or more people couldn’t make it then maybe we would have changed our minds.  So, if you and your fiance want to get married there with or with out family present, then I think you should go for it!  It all comes down to choices and I bet if your parents really wanted to go, they would find a way.  Best of luck!

Post # 11
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I understand your stress completely. My fiance and I were planning on Eloping in Puerto Rico where we got engaged but decided to let some friends and whoever wanted to come come. So it has turned into a small wedding ceremony. My mother is able to come…but my Grandmother who i am almost closer to will not be able to travel. I have had serious issues with this..sometimes I feel selfish for doing this..but it is my wedding. We have decided to have a big after wedding reception back home so my Grandma and the rest of my family can be apart of it. We are going to do a cake cutting there and show videos and pics of the wedding. I am still having trouble with it..but I think this helps because she still has a part in the festivities.

This isn’t an easy thing to deal with..but you have to remember..make yourself happy because it’s your wedding. If you think you will end up regretting have a wedding back home because of your mom…then don’t do it…but if you think you would regret not having your mother there..then maybe you should compromise. Look into throwing a after wedding reception back home..and doing other things to get her involved in the festvities.

Post # 12
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would never organize a wedding if my parents couldn’t come.

Post # 13
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m in the same boat!  My fiances parents are iffy on attending our Destination Wedding wedding.  When we planned the wedding we spoke to our families beforehand to get feedback about a Destination Wedding and everyone was fine with it.  However, my fiances’ mother’s health has been declining and his father mentioned that they both might not be attending now.  Our Destination Wedding is about a 2 hour plan ride.  

I’m struggling with how to make our wedding day a happy day for him when he’s missing having his parents there.  It makes we very sad to think much a wonderful day  might not be as special to him as it is to me because his parents won’t be a part of it.

Post # 14
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You know what they say, “You can never please EVERYONE.” How true is that?!

We are having a destination wedding for similar reasons (FI did NOT want a big wedding and even considered eloping). Family was NOT enthusiastic or supportive at all. Guilt trips from everyone. His family is in Europe, his friends are scattered everywhere, my family and friends in SoCal, we’re in San Francisco. People would have to travel regardless of where we had it.

But as kthun put it, we were set on having the wedding we wanted it, and not “sacrificing” our vision/our special day, so that it conveniences someone else. When we considered eloping, we considered somewhere exotic anyway, so with or without people, it’s what we would have done.

Even though all family gave us crap about it at first, some have come around and others still complain about it, but have accepted it. I’m really happy that my mom is taking advantage of the trip and will travel around to other countries she’s never been to!

Post # 15
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

MY Fiance and I are getting married in Montego Bay. We let our family and friends know a year before we even got engaged. Now a lot of our family and friends are saying that the trip is to costly and that they cannot make it. Which is fine because we wanted a small wedding. We are planning to have a small reception when we get back for those who were not able to make the destination wedding like co-workers etc. The knid of reception we will have depends on how much we have left over after our actual wedding. You can have a small reception when you get back. It can be a small cocktail reception (not coastly), or a buffet style dinner. Just think you get to wear your wedding dress twiceWink 

 

Post # 16
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I couldn’t imagine getting without my parents.  Period.  Change the date, change the location, whatever you need to do to make it happen.  Hold the line on guests if that’s the issue for why you aren’t having it at home.

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