Post # 1
Hey guys. I need some advice from an outside perspective.
My cousin is getting married this June in Mexico. My husband, the baby, my older son, and I are excited to attend. We’ve booked our trip, gotten our passports, and we are just waiting for the date to roll around. We looked at her destination wedding as a perfect family vacation with the baby.
This past week my husband’s family decided they wanted to join us on our trip. They have no desire to attend the wedding, they just want to go on vacation with us. The day of the wedding they planned on doing an excursion off the resort. My husband was beyond excited that his family wanted to attend what we would consider a once in a lifetime vacation with us ($11,750 total, this is not something we would ever be able to do yearly).
When I told my cousin that my in laws would be joining us on our trip she lost it. She proceeded to tell me that I needed to inform them they could not go, that I was tacky and disrespectful for inviting people to her wedding (for the record, I didn’t invite a soul to her wedding, I didn’t even invite my in laws on the trip, they decided on their own they wanted to go at the same time). Sadly, a huge argument occurred when I failed to agree with her. She has since deleted me from social media and informed me that she and the rest of our family will be changing resorts if I don’t make my in laws cancel.
My husband is furious. He feels that we are spending near 12k to go on a vacation, and while we are on vacation we will be attending a wedding. He refuses to ask his family to cancel, citing that my cousin did not pay for our trip, therefore cannot control what occurs during the vacation part. He completely agrees his parents should not attend the wedding festivities, nor would they want to.
So my question, are we wrong for viewing this trip as our vacation? Is my cousin justified in asking us to not include our other family members in traveling with us?
Post # 2
mamabear9909 : Your cousin gets one day. Your in-laws don’t want to crash their wedding. Cousin is being unreasonable.
Post # 2
Your cousin is nuts. I’d save her the trouble, decline the invitation and just enjoy the vacation. Now you can join your in-laws on that fun excursion instead!
Post # 3
Your cousin is way out of line. She has ONE DAY (the wedding day). Your in-laws have already stated that they will not be attending the wedding and will even be leaving the resort for the day. The rest of the trip is a vacation for whoever is going.
Is she buying out the resort so absolutely nobody else who isn’t invited to the wedding could possible be at the resort on her wedding day? I doubt it. It is already a lot to ask people to spend thousands of dollars to attend her wedding, so to expect you to have your entire vacation revolve around her is just ridiculous.
Post # 4
Your cousin can’t stop people from going to the same resort. Did you clarify that they weren’t going to the wedding??? I can understand being pissed if she thinks you’re inviting randos to her wedding (totally unacceptable), but she sounds like shes gone off her rocker if she thinks she can control who stays at any resort.
Post # 5
mamabear9909 : You are NOT wrong here. This is YOUR vacation, not just her wedding and as long as your in laws aren’t planning on crashing the wedding or any wedding events than who cares?
There will be other people at the resort, it’s not like she rented out the whole thing for her guests only so why the hell can’t they go?
Post # 6
mamabear9909 : your cousin is nuts!!! The wedding is their party, the rest of the destination wedding trip is your own vacation, you can bring whoever you want on your vacation. Wow.
Post # 7
In other words, how dare anyone make any plans for the trip that don’t revolve 100% around your cousin and her wedding?
There is no excuse for how she’s acting. If she is truly under the impression you invited people to her actual wedding she would be well within her rights to tell you to remedy that immediately, but the fact that she wants to switch resorts like she’ll get inlaw cooties is ridiculous.
Make sure she realizes they are planning to stay at the resort, not come to the wedding, and if she still insists she’s going to change resorts, by god, let her. It will save you the awkwardness of running into her in the lobby. She sounds unhinged.
Post # 8
Thanks for the feedback, I certainly don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, and I certainly don’t want to ruin anyone’s wedding, which she has indicated I have so selfishly done by including family in my vacation plans.
I just don’t get it.
Post # 9
Your cousin is acting like a complete psycho. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you inviting other people along on your vacation. It would be rude of you to invite them along and then invite them to the wedding or any wedding-related events that occur during your time there, but simply to enjoy a vacation together with them while you’re there is absolutely not an issue at all – or at least shouldn’t be.
My fiance and I are having a Destination Wedding in Mexico in 2021 and we know it is costing people a decent chunk of change to be there – especially anyone who brings their kids along. It would never even occur to me to be upset if I found out any of our guests also happened to have other friends or family along for the vacation!! Like, what?! It is THEIR vacation, not mine! Aside from being at the actual wedding, our guests have every right to decide what to do with the rest of their time there, who to spend it with, etc.
Post # 10
Tatum : You nailed it.
And I 100% informed her they did not want nor expect to attend her wedding.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2017 - City, State
Wow. I had a Destination Wedding in June this past summer and a friend of mine brought a few family members. I was totally ok with her doing this as every day while she was away besides the wedding had literally nothing to do with me. We did invite her family to the tours we planned for everyone. Some chose to come some didn’t but she was still at every event and we had a great time and I was psyched she had family to explore the country with after my husband and I went on our honeymoon. So many people extended the wedding weekend and explored after the wedding. We loved it as everyone was really getting a vacation out of it and enjoying themselves. Your cousin is forgetting that she only gets one day and if you want people to leave the country for your wedding, they get to explore the country as they see fit including who they do it with.
Post # 12
mamabear9909 : Are you and Fiance, and his parents all booking under her blocked discount rate? I suppose if there are 20 blocked rooms and your uninvited ILs take a room from another guest, that could be considered inappropriate. It would be inappropate to book under their block rate, IMO.
Also, if it is a small boutique-style location where it will be impossible not to step on each other’s toes for the vacation portion. So, perhaps if they expected everyone to stay for 3 days, and your cousin wanted to finish off her vacation in privacy at a small resort and does not want to interact with strangers/family for the entire honeymoon. I don’t know how they would have time for intimacy and enjoyment with X amount of people who decided to turn the destination wedding and turn it into a honeymoon all surrounding them at all times. But I thought that was the appeal of destination weddings and why people did them?
Odd. But I think destination weddings are a total gamble and a LOT to ask of anyone, anyway.
Post # 13
Oh my god your cousin is so out of line and WRONG it is unreal! She can’t set up an embargo on Mexico just because she’s getting married!
It’s perfectly normal commonplace for people to do this for destination weddings – particularly if they have kids needing minded etc.
She is so out of line and being an obnoxious moron..
Post # 14
notmeeither : No. There is no discount block rate. We are staying at a resort that has over 500 rooms, so it is not small by any means. My in laws have not taken away any bookings that would prevent people from attending her ceremony. If she doesn’t want to interact with strangers, she picked the wrong place!
My family and I would not be spending all day every day with her and her fiance. They are childless and will go off to drink, explore, and do what young newlyweds do. My husband and I have a 2 and 7 year old, we will be chasing kids and hunting down hot dogs for lunch.
I would get it if this was small, private, intimate -but it’s a massive resort.