(Closed) DW wedding and inviting ppl not on the wedding guestlist for Bridal Shower.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Inviting Non-Guests to the Bridal Shower due to DW. Tacky yes or no?
    Yes, that just not right. : (15 votes)
    75 %
    No, you want all your family and friends involved. : (1 votes)
    5 %
    Who gives a damn, just have fun. : (4 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 3
    2440 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I wouldn’t invite people to a shower that aren’t invited to the wedding.

    Post # 5
    352 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Zama Beach Club, Isla Mujeres, Mexico

    Some of the people I work with have expressed interest in throwing me a bridal shower and none of them will be invited to the wedding. At first I felt really weird about them offering, but they assured me that they wanted to do something special for my big day, even though they wouldn’t be able to be a part of it.

    I am just gonna go with the flow and try not to think of ettiquette to much. Everyones situtation is different!

    Post # 7
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @DestinBride85: are you paying for those coming to your DW? Or why will these people not be invited to the wedding? Just curious.

    If I were your friend and knew you couldn’t afford to fly me to FL, but wanted to invite me to your shower – as long as I didn’t feel like it was a gift grab, I wouldn’t be bothered at all. And like you said – if you haven’t seen some of these ladies in a while (and might not again for a long while) it’d be great to catch up.

    Post # 8
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I’m trying to say this as gently as possible, but honestly, I wouldn’t do it. It’s hurtful as a non invited person to be invited to the shower only. It says that they are good enough to give you gifts, but not good enough to celebrate with you at your wedding. I know your circumstances are different, but for some people, this is how it will come across no matter what your intentions are. A shower’s sole purpose is to shower the bride and groom with gifts so whether or not you expect gifts or create a registry, almost anyone invited to the shower would come with a present, and then it feels like a gift grab even if you aren’t interested in gifts. I know you think your family would understand and maybe some would, but I’m going to guess that you’d end up offending several people in the process.  What about having a small at home reception back in the tri state after your wedding to celebrate with these people instead? If you have family there maybe someone would let you use their backyard and you can have a BBQ with them all. Of course you can do whatever you like, I’m just sharing my opinion. Some may disagree and ultimately do what is best for you. Good luck

    Post # 10
    7296 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    oops, i read the question wrong. i meant to say yes. i don’t the “t” word, but i also would not invite people to your shower if they are not invited to the wedding.  FWIW, i had a very small Destination Wedding (17 people total), but we actually invited over 100 people – Darling Husband has a big family and his parents said we should invite them all.  then we just decided there was no harm in limiting our guest list. we knew most wouldn’t come, and if a few suprise people came, then great!  and it turned out one couple came that we didn’t expect and we were so happy to have them there.  but also because we didn’t limit the Destination Wedding invite list, there was no issue about who to invite to our shower or AHR.

    Post # 11
    2607 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    My thought is, if it’s a Bridal Shower, the purpose is to “shower” the bride with gifts.  Inviting people to a shower that are not invited to the wedding is poor ettiquette.  As @Krises said, you run the risk of hurting feelings and/or offending some of your friends.

    If you want to celebrate with them, perhaps your BMs could host a small party, making it clear that it’s not a shower and that gifts are not expected?  The BBQ idea was a good one.  

    Post # 13
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @DestinBride85: Ok, got it. In the end – you know everyone best. I know my friends could give two hoots about it, but some of the aunts would be miffed. I think if you can make it an event a bit separate from the wedding – maybe a girls’ night instead of a shower, that might be better. Or like someone else said, something after the wedding.

    Post # 15
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    Don’t do it.  There is no point in risking hurting someone’s feelings to get some tea towels, IYKWIM.

    Along with the point the PP mentioned like people feeling good enough to give you a gift but not good enough to get an invited to the actual event, is another point that hasn’t been mentioned yet.

    At the shower, there is always LOTS of talk about the wedding.  What kind of flowers, what dresses, food, etc.  If it in very poor taste to talk about event details in front of someone not invited.

    You’ve made the choice to have a small Destination Wedding.  And with that choice comes sacrifices, IMO a large shower is one of the trade offs.

    Post # 16
    4152 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    50 people isn’t loads but it’s not a handful either.  I say don’t do it. 🙁

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