Post # 1
So my fiance and I have decided that yes we are definitely doing destination for our ceremony. We want a small intimate ceremony, spread over a weekend of fun with our family members. Key word… family only. We have friends all over the country and didn’t know where to “draw the line” persay so thought it would be best to have a family only Destination Wedding and an encore celebration for our friends and family when we return. Another part of our decision was the fact that we are paying for the event, meaning yes our guests will take care of their airfare and hotel room but we want to throw a weekend of activities, sunset cruise with cocktails, welcome dinner, pre wedding activities of course the dinner that night followed by brunch the next day. We felt it was our responsibility to take care of these costs as people are paying enough to come and join us. Here’s the problem…
I told my closest girlfriends last night of our decision and while two of them took it respectively, one (to my surprise) did not. She didnt understand and then proceeded to make a comment to our other friend who isn’t engaged yet “well at least you’ll invite me to your wedding right?” I was really hurt by this as she is my bestie of 22 years (yes that makes us in our 30’s should be adults by now right?) i told her so and she still couldn’t understand. I get that she may be hurt by our decision and she may “get over it” but do we make exceptions or stick to our original plan? If we make one exception then there are others to be made… I know I should stick to the original plan but am feeling torn over this…
Post # 3
if you make an exception for her, be prepared to make many more. stick to your original plan.
Post # 4
@Starfish0512: We are also having a Destination Wedding but inviting 3 close friends plus their guests each. I was in a similar situation so we just decided to bite the bullet and do it… the problem with a send off dinner or an after-wedding dinner is that guests often feel like they weren’t “good enough” for the wedding, which I get.
Post # 5
As a bestie of 22 years, I’d hope to make the cut as “family” so I can understand why she’s hurt. My childhood BFF and I can only count 15 years but I’d include her in a family only wedding for sure. Maybe you want to invite your closest friends as a bridal party and leave it at that. For reference, I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a destiantion wedding which was mostly family but I think the couple were really happy with their decision to invite close friends as it made the events more fun, total numbers were 35 including partners and we were at an all inclusive resort so group events like snorkeling and breakfast were included but they hosted a rehersal dinner for the group as well as a private wedding and reception.
Post # 6
The one thing I have learned in the wedding planning process is that weddings are the EASIEST way to offend people. People will get offended or hurt by your choices and for some reason, they will think it is ok to tell you this. People take wedding related things really really personally and you just have to try your best to not let it get you down, because no matter what you can’t please everyone and ultimately it’s about marrying the person you love, not pleasing everyone else. There is always going to be someone who is hurt or offended by one of your choices.
That said, i do understand where your friend is coming from, but I think that she will get over it. And if she doesn’t – well, she’s not that good of a friend. Weddings bring to the surface the reality of a lot of relationships, and it’s not always in good ways. This is something I have had to deal with that hasn’t been so easy for me.
Stick to your decision and do what feels right to you. Don’t let feeling bad for one person influence or change that (although I am well aware that is easier said than done!)
Post # 7
I understand where you are coming from as I too am having a Destination Wedding and have had to reduce the guest list. T
he choice of bringing your close friends is ultimately yours. I’ve been best friends with my Boyfriend or Best Friend for like 15 years too so to me she is family and I couldn’t imagine not having here there. But its up to you. Think about who you want to be there for you and invite those people. People will be offended no matter what you do. So do what is right for you and Fiance.