(Closed) DW why is it looked at as a burden?

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Expense, time off work, possibly finding babysitter for kids, boarding pets, it’s just a lot to ask of guests to attend a wedding. People like to plan their own vacations where they want to go and just relax. DWs can be fun but it’s not a true “vacation”

Post # 3
Member
892 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Beautyandthebusiness:  I want you to have a wonderful wedding, I just don’t want to spend my vacation with everyone you know somewhere I don’t want to go.  jmo

Post # 4
Member
7550 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Well they can certainly be a fun getaway! But as PP said it’s the expense, time off, organizing someone to watch the kids/pets/house, and it’s not a true vacation. Vacations you get to decide where you want to go, and when, as well as how long you go for (which I guess they can control a bit with a Destination Wedding too). But with a Destination Wedding the destination and time is decided for them (if they choose to accept), plus they often have to use their vacation time at work to go, time which they could have used towards a proper vacation.

That is why I think it is looked at a burden, as with travelling, there is so much to organize, but with the Destination Wedding you don’t have as much choice as you do normally. But they can be fun too, and it sounds like your guests will have a great time! Fiance and I (along with his parents and sister) are flying down for a long weekend in Tasmania for his cousin’s wedding, and I am looking forward to it, partially because of the lack of organization needed! It’s a chance to get away from home for a short while, and spend time with Fiance (and his family of course).

Post # 5
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee

The main reason I can think of is money! Not everyone can afford to attend a Destination Wedding, which could limit your numbers and unfortunately mean some people who want to share your day with you, are unable to. Personally I think it puts some people on the spot. If they decline to attend, maybe they feel like they have to explain that money is the issue which they are uncomfortable admitting? Maybe they don’t like to travel??  To fly?? Like PP said, take time off work? Arrange childcare? It’s a lot more than just attending a local wedding for the day! My good friend did a Destination Wedding at a time when my hubby and I were just starting out, and money was really tight. I felt guilty for not going, and ackward having to say that the price was the issue. On the other hand, I shouldn’t have felt guilty since it was their choice to do a Destination Wedding so they should have expected people not to be able to attend. jmo…..

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by beetruz13.
Post # 6
Member
20 posts
Newbee

+1 to above.

In addition, Destination Wedding are often cheaper than hosting in your hometown, so invitees may feel like they’re being asked to subsidize the couple’s dream wedding.  Those who can’t afford it may feel like they’ve been excluded (i.e. only cashed-up people are good enough for their wedding, so much for their struggling ol’ friends like us).  You’ll know your guests better than us, and whether that is their view.

I think Destination Wedding are a great idea when families and friends are scattered across multiple locations/countries, and pretty much all need to travel no matter where it will be held.

Post # 7
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I think the main reason is that it’s not like a regular vacation where you choose your own destination and timing.  If it works for your family that’s great but it isn’t going to work for everyone.  DH and I had a great time at his sister’s wedding in Thailand but we were fortunate in that we both had plenty of leave available and it was a place we were both keen to visit anyway.

Post # 8
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee

Sure, some people love DWs. Others do not and it shouldn’t be a real surprise that people may not want to spend thousands of dollars going to a place that is not of their choosing.

My vacation is when I can choose the location, and the agenda.  Maybe I’ll spend a lot, maybe I’ll go on the cheap, but it won’t be someone else making date and location decisions for me.  They are expensive requiring (usually) plane fare and hotel rates at a resort location.  I’m required to use my vacation days and spend them doing what you want, so then I don’t have those days later on (or the money I spent on your dream) to take the vacation I actually want.

All of those things aside, if you want a Destination Wedding as long as you understand that some people will say no – and you accept that answer with grace and not hold a grudge over it (even if you think they have the time and money to attend) then it’s not a problem.      

Post # 9
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Beautyandthebusiness:  $$$, time off and not even getting to pick where you go. You say it’s a vacation so what’s the problem but I can guarantee there will be people who don’t want to go where you choose to have your wedding. I was invited to a Destination Wedding once. It fell right during our busy season at work so I couldn’t get time off for it anyway but the Destination Wedding was in a place that I had absolutely no interest in going back to. The bride and groom are great but their families are really intense and it was expected that the whole week be spent for “wedding related activities”. It would NOT have been a fun vacation for me. I don’t want to spend 3 grand of my hard earned cash and use valuable off days at work unless I know I’m going to enjoy myself. I wouldn’t spend that much even for my dream destination holiday so why would I use it to go somewhere I can’t stand (been there before, HATED it)?

Post # 10
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with the other poster.  

Most career oriented people get limited time off, and hourly wage workers have an even tougher time getting off (usually with no pay).

It’s expensive.  Not only do we pay for our tickets (plane), but we also pay for our accommodations, travel and baggage fees, food budget, etc.  They add up.  One Destination Wedding I attended, I spent over 3k and didn’t even enjoy myself.  I wouldn’t choose the island they went to, and many of the guests wouldn’t either.  Since we had no say on the venue, we get stuck on an expensive island with expensive accommodations just to attend a wedding.  Every time I think about where else I could’ve gone with that money, I slam my head against the wall.  

It’s a hassle.  Prepping the house for travel is a bitch.  Making sure we empty the fridge, stop or redirect mail, newspaper, etc.  We had to ask our family or neighbors to keep watch of the place.  

And then, usually, our time is monopolized by the couple or family.  They have breakfast events, and luncheons, etc.  Honestly, about 75%of the time spent on Destination Wedding is dictated and created around the couple and wedding.  So no, it’s not like any relaxing vacation.  

I always see Destination Wedding as purely a family affair–immediate family. 

Post # 11
Member
6430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Because it’s basically dictating when/where/how I spend my vacation, and that is a burden.

Post # 12
Member
556 posts
Busy bee

From my limited experience, a Destination Wedding was less about getting away from the stresses and expense of a regular wedding, and more about drawing the whole thing out, with the bride at the centre of attention for 5 days instead of one. I’d avoid another one. 

Post # 13
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
daffodils:  Couldn’t agree more. There’s obviously no point to travel somewhere for a day so you’re stuck for 3 or 5 days of life being about someone else’s wedding.

Also when I go on vacation with my friends I don’t invite their parents.

Post # 14
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would only go for someone I was super close too and I wouldn’t be happy about it. It’s expensive and I have a house full of pets to look after and better ways to spend my money and time. I see it as really selfish.

Post # 15
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee

I actually love destination weddings and use them as an excuse to go on holiday! I think some people stress about time off work, money or if its a destination that they wouldnt usually pick themselves i.e if their dream vacation is skiing in the mountains and they feel forced to spend money on a beach vacation. I think it also depends on who you invite- a small family destination wedding will have people more excited about spending time together than a big one with guests who dont know anyone but the couple but feel obligated to attend. Go with what your guests have told you, if they are all happy about it then dont worry! 

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