(Closed) DW why is it looked at as a burden?

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 151
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
Curlycupcake:  Yeah I’m dying to hear the answer. It has to be a mistake.. No one in their right mind would pull this.

Post # 152
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
MeandMyLouboutins:  Sorry, I’m not really intending to attack you personally. I just get frustrated by people who expect others to spend unreasonable amounts of money for their “special day.” I ran into family members who were unkind to me because I couldn’t throw an expensive wedding, and subsequently I get angry at people who hold relationships hostage for financial reasons.

I agree with what you are saying for the most part.

 

 

Post # 153
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
Artie52:  I’m not critiquing people who have DWs and aren’t bothered when people can’t attend. That’s that attitude you should have when you throw a Destination Wedding. I’m critiquing brides who get upset about it.

Post # 154
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
Horseradish:  ORRRRR ORRR OR, you could just RSVP no and the people who aren’t confused about the point of someone else’s wedding day can RSVP yes. 

That would be cool too. 

View original reply
Drizzle:  i have to be honest, i haven’t really seen any posts with people complaining about destination weddings. but that’s not to say they don’t exist. IRL, many people i’ve spoken to have only complained about destination weddings that were not all-inclusive. 

& i guess i am the only one who comes from a family or place that we don’t get the chance to vaca together as much as we talk about/would like to but having a destination wedding in the family is sort of forcing everyone to finally plan the vaca we’ve all talked about for years.

apparently, that’s a terrible horrible thing. i guess everyone is just smiling to my face about it and tearing me to shreds behind my back. good to know. 

 

ETA: i mean, not that i feel like i need to defend my wedding choices to randos on the internet (but i am going to do it anyway) – but, i guess i am “blessed” enough to live in a circle and family where people take multiple vacations each year. and having one vaca location/time “chosen for them” hasn’t really fazed anyone. we have like 100 people coming. i mean, i guess i am lucky enough to have 100 people indulge the selfish, pushy, bitch bride who had the absolute BALLS to have a DW! my god..i should have just slinked off to the corner of the earth and gotten married alone as to not put out any of my family or friends by sending them an invite THAT THEY CAN EASILY DECLINE. THE NERVE!! not to mention – more than one person has said to us that they are glad/pumped/excited…w/e that it’s a Destination Wedding bc they’re finally taking a vaca they’ve been meaning to and they don’t even have to plan it! (and they’re getting amazing rates at a 4 star resort) LITERALLY the only person who reacted like many on this thread was my one aunt who we all know to have some emotional and mental issues. so yeah… 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by PenguinCandy.
Post # 155
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t really get why people care either, go if it sounds fun to you or don’t go if it doesn’t work out for you.  Yes, it can be a hassle, if it feels like a hassle just don’t attend. 

Post # 156
Member
2500 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: County courthouse

Normal income families often can’t afford to go to a destination wedding. I wouldn’t go to a destination wedding if it was more than 6 hrs away or out of counrty. It’s not fun traveling with kids or trying to find a nice hotel that doesn’t blow the bank. Even if the wedding was a family member…I most likely wouldn’t go. It’s not worth the financial hassle. 

Post # 157
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

My fiance actually just sent me this article that I think is pretty awesome. 

I’d love to attend your wedding but I can’t afford it

I like her rule of going to weddings far away only if she doesn’t live near them/doesn’t see them often. I traveled out of state for a friend’s wedding because that’s where they live. I’d be super annoyed if someone made me travel out of state when they live down the street. 

I’m getting married about 2 hours from where most of my guests live, but it’s in the same city as FI’s guests and his ill mom, so there’s a reason. Even so, I planned an afternoon wedding so that people could drive to/from on the same day and not miss anything because I really didn’t want people to feel like they had to get a hotel room if they didn’t want to spend the whole weekend. 

Post # 158
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t really understand the hype about this thread. I don’t like DWs because I personally don’t want to go on an AI vacation right now (that’s exactly what we didn’t want for our honeymoon) but I would never tell a friend I don’t like them. And if they were a close friend I’d probably go because I wouldn’t want to miss their wedding.

It seems like many of the Destination Wedding brides here feel the need to justify their choices to internet strangers. Why do you really care what people on here think if all your friends and family have already told you it’s a great idea?   

Post # 159
Member
8409 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
vegasbee:  This is horrible. Like, “I can’t even believe it’s real” horrible. Like, “nobody could possibly be doing this, it’s SO SO HORRIBLE” horrible. Absolutely unbelievably beyond rude and into horrible. I’m vicariously mortified for you and your family, but you probably don’t even feel it.

Post # 160
Member
6217 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
PenguinCandy:  If you’d written a thread about your excitement for your Destination Wedding, I doubt you’d see answers like this.   If you did, people would be out of line to rain on your parade when you weren’t having a problem and complaining that no one would show up.  Please consider that the entire reason the thread was WRITTEN was to ask why people were bugged by them.  So obviously the majority of answers are headed in that direction.  It’s only logical.  You’re getting ridiculously mad about it.  Your family is happy and they’re going. Yay!  No one is saying you, specifically, are selfish.  In fact, most people aren’t calling you selfish at all, they’re just saying why it would be a hassle for them.  Calm.

Post # 161
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I don’t mind destination weddings because I’m not shy about declining invitations to any wedding that doesn’t fit into my life. But DWs aren’t really like vacations, I think, because the guest chooses neither the destination nor the dates. And in order to attend the destination wedding, the guests must sacrifice days off and money that they could’ve spent on a vacation of their actual choice. 

I attended a Destination Wedding in Italy for my college best friend, because she wanted me in her bridal party, and I had to get a second job for three months to pay for the airfare and lodging. I guess I’m glad I went (I guess? We don’t really talk anymore), but I wouldn’t go to another one. And I didn’t get a plus-one, so really I would have preferred going to Europe with my BF on my own schedule. 

Post # 162
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve only ever been to DWs in Europe (Irish bee) and I loved them all!  But in general, DWs in Europe are much cheaper to attend than it would be for Americans to attend a Destination Wedding in Mexico etc. 

1. Much cheaper and shorter flights – like probably less than $150 for flights to most places in Europe.  Most flights less than 3 hours.

2. Couple usually put on transportation from airport to venue

3. Trip can be done from Fri-Sun if necessary so no vacation time is required although most people would take 1 or 2 days (Europeans also get way more vacation time than Americans)

4. Hotel/accommodation at Destination Wedding is generally about the same price for 2/3 nights as a nice Irish hotel would be for 1 night.

5. Gifts are not necessary although I have always still given one but usually worth much less so for example, going to an Irish wedding I would give 200euro, to a Destination Wedding in Spain/Italy etc, I would give 75euro.

6. All DWs I’ve been to have had an open bar for the night, most weddings in Ireland don’t, so you spend nothing while there other than activities you choose to do yourself.

So I LOVE DWs… but if I had to spend 4k on one then I may not be so thrilled!  So for me, it would be relative to the money and vacation time and how much of both I had!

Post # 163
Member
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

View original reply
PenguinCandy:  So if you haven’t really seen negativity online, and you have 100 people excited for your Destination Wedding, what exactly is your issue? This thread was created to ask why people might object to going to a Destination Wedding, so of course you’re going to hear the bad side of it. If you are so fortunate to be able to take multiple vacations a year, maybe try to have a little understanding for those who can’t.  Not everyone has the same situation, it’s great that all your guests are not only able but happy to attend, not everyone is so fortunate. Maybe focus on being grateful for that instead of blowing up because of people’s opinions that dont relate to your scenario. 

Post # 164
Member
7550 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

View original reply
PenguinCandy:  when else do you get to go on vaca with all your family and friends?

Unless you are the bride and groom in the Destination Wedding, it will NOT be all your family and friends. If you’re a family member of the bride or groom, sure you will have all your family there, but not your friends. And if you’re a friend of the bride and/or groom, sure you will probably have lots of friends there, but not family. As they SHOULD, the bride and groom invite THEIR friends and family. So your argument doesn’t hold unless you’re the bride & groom and not a guest. Also, as PPs have pointed out, family vacations can happen at other times if you want one.

But, being from Australia and having travelled a lot my whole life, I don’t mind DWs from the going away point of view. I have aunts in the U.S. and they (I am not sure about both coming, probably just 1) would have to fly halfway across the world to attend. But they will have my parents to stay with so won’t pay for accommodation or meals I don’t think.

But as a guest I still think DWs have all the stress of travelling (time off, costs, booking flights & accommodation, arranging care for pets, children, etc) without all the choice (when, where, who with, what to do with the days). However if the bride and groom take care that the guests are not subsidising their Destination Wedding and make sure there is no pressure on guests to attend everything, and it is a destination lots are interested in, I am sure they are great fun!

ETA: I agree with PPs about the pressure to accept a wedding invitation, particularly if it is a Destination Wedding. I think part of it is because couples usually have a much smaller guest list, so those guests feel more pressure to accept as ‘they were close enough to make the cut, they have to accept.’

Post # 165
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

I also think it has to do with if it’s a friend or family member getting married.  If it was my brother getting married in a Destination Wedding, I would go and I would at least enjoy the time with my family.  The Destination Wedding that I’m going to is for a friend, and that makes it worse. Instead of “fun family vacation” it turns into “I’m stuck on an island with my friend’s family for a week and I don’t even know them”

The topic ‘DW why is it looked at as a burden?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors