(Closed) DW why is it looked at as a burden?

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 166
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

Destination Wedding are a burdeon because people usually have preplanned vacations and limited days they can take off.  This year alone I’ve had 3 weddings I’ve had to fly to (which my son was not invited to so I had to make alternative arrangements) and I don’t have enough days for MY own vacation to relax.  Happy for my friends but sucks for me.

Post # 167
Member
3797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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Beautyandthebusiness:  All the reasons PPs have mentioned, so not going to repeat. Another thing- you and people (DH and I just attended a Destination Wedding in Colorado) say “you don’t have to come if you can’t afford it”, which sounds nice. But, do you know how many people get truly offended if someone chooses not to attend a Destination Wedding wedding (especially family and close friends!). My dad and his partner were unable to attend my cousin’s Destination Wedding in Florida and my aunts were ticked off at him. My friend who just got married kept saying “You don’t have to come if you can’t, blah blah”, but in reality, she would have been awful to me if I had told her DH and I didn’t want to spend that money as we’re moving in two weeks and have our first baby on the way. It just puts friends and family in a really uncomfortable place as it can be embarrasing to say to them that you just can’t afford that trip at the moment, even with advanced notice.

Post # 168
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I recently had a negative experience with a destination wedding.  It was kind of a nightmare.  We ended up spending over $3000 on a “vacation” where my husband and I both had to take our vacation days in a year where we are expecting our second child and need every vaca day we can save, and my DH was required to do ‘groomsmen’ activities every day, I didn’t know anyone there, and our daughter was not allowed to come.  Even my husband was seriously regretting committing to it once we arrived.

The AI was not at all the kind of place we would book in a million years for a relaxing vacation, and it wasn’t relaxing with all the scheduled wedding activities–we had only 1-2 hour tiny windows of time to relax and by the time you change, get sunscreen on, get out to the pool or beach, we’d have 1 hour before having to head back in and shower and change again for the next scheduled activity.

Never again.

Post # 169
Member
3797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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daffodils:  Yes, yes, yes to the big reception back home, or the “other day”. I know some people who got married in private and elected to have a reception back home and I think that’s awesome. However, my friend, who just got married in Colorado (a 16-hour drive from where we live currently, which we did because plane tickets are incredibly expensive), had the ceremony and a first reception there. And she is having a second at the end of the month in our hometown. Another day the wedding party has to give up to be a part of this celebration on top of the hundreds/thousands just spent to attend this Destination Wedding. Also-my friend has been incredibly inconsiderate. Expected wedding party to help set up and clean up without telling them (we read it on an itinerary right before leaving on our long ass drive) and that means she expects the same at this second. I’m sorry, but we have lives and other things going on and expecting that is ridiculous.

Post # 170
Member
3797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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PenguinCandy:  This is ridiculous. You choose to have a wedding with family and friends because you are, in theory, supposed to care greatly about these people sharing this special moment/day with you and your partner. Of course you should think about your guests needs and what works best for the majority of them. This selfish bride attitude of “it’s only about me” is what makes so many people detest attending weddings in general, not to mention giving a ridiculous amount of time and money to attend a Destination Wedding.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by KatiePi.
Post # 171
Member
6549 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

The second receptions/”at home” receptions are just a way People try to make themselves feel better. Obviously they care about their friends and family enough to want to celebrate with them, but not enough to make it convenient for the guests by getting married locally. So they will throw a Destination Wedding and a mini wedding. Even though if you planned two weddings in the same town in the same short time frame, people would look at you like you were crazy. 

Post # 172
Member
3797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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princessandthepear:  Yesss. I just attended a Destination Wedding where ALL of the guests practically live in the same town, if not within an hour drive to the town with the majority of guests. Yet, the wedding was 16 hours away.

Post # 173
Member
2769 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

See, I figure if you treat the Destination Wedding like a small elopement, and have the bigger reception at “home,” that can work in some situations. I have a friend who has HUGE ties to the place she grew up, whereas her DH grew up about 7 hours away with little family. Their friends were all in a third place where they were living. Solution? Destination Wedding for those closest to them who wanted to attend, and a 300 person reception in her hometown (people kept inviting themselves). They wouldn’t have been happy with the 300 person thing being their “wedding,” so they just threw a big (well fed and watered) party when they came back. Nobody had to feel like they were left out or that their day was compromised.

Post # 174
Member
3053 posts
Sugar bee

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petittaam:  I also think it has to do with if it’s a friend or family member getting married. If it was my brother getting married in a Destination Wedding, I would go and I would at least enjoy the time with my family. The Destination Wedding that I’m going to is for a friend, and that makes it worse. Instead of “fun family vacation” it turns into “I’m stuck on an island with my friend’s family for a week and I don’t even know them.

The family Destination Wedding I went to this year was for Future Brother-In-Law & Future Sister-In-Law and it was HELLA stressful for me, not enjoyable in the slightest. I wasn’t even part of the bridal party and I was run off my feet for the whole 6 days. The fact that university deadlines don’t stop for a destination wedding made it 1000 times worse. I felt so torn, I actually considered not going, but decided I had to because I had to drive the bridal party around on the day and do other various wedding tasks. I swear, NEVER AGAIN. EVER. I felt like I needed a holiday when I got home from the ‘holiday’, that’s what the bride tried to sell it to me as, a ‘holiday’, yeah NO. lol. I actually felt resentful afterwards because the bride and groom had a fantastic time and I was just stressed out as fuck the whole time about a week leading up to it, during, and then afterwards, trying to catch up with uni work and then my SO lost his job so that was another factor.

To make it worse, my student payment was cut off because I left the country.

Post # 175
Member
13639 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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PenguinCandy:  

“because there has become a ridiculous trend where wedding invitees and guests get confused and think that other people’s wedding days are all about them, their comfort, their wants and needs, etc.”

This is completely backwards.  The couple  can be guests of honor, or hosts, and of course it is their special day. But a host’s first responsibility is always to the care and consideration of  guests.That goes for wedding receptions  just as for any type of social function. 

I do not buy for one minute the rude mentality that we’ll invite whomever and the people who can come will come and those that can’t, won’t. When you put venue ahead of each and every guest, you are telling people that an exotic locale is more important than having the people who care for and love you, attend. On top of that, as many have mentioned, you are imposing your idea of their vacation. 

In this case, I feel especially badly for the grandparents. I’m sure they would have loved to celebrate with their family. 

A Destination Wedding isn’t awful in every situation. It’s perfect for an elopement, for example. And I can see it working if a small immediate family planned one together. 

The only “ridiculous trend” is the one where  a couple think that just because they are getting married, they don’t have to consider anyone else. 

My only other question in this situation is whether the guests know they are not witnessing a wedding ceremony, but a reenactment. 

Post # 176
Member
2426 posts
Buzzing bee

They’re a burden because people act selfish and offended when you tell them that you can’t come. I already told my friend that we can’t come if she has a destination wedding. We don’t have the money or time. A few weeks later, she told me she was having a destination wedding, it’s in a year, I can start saving, and that can be my vacation next summer. No, no, no, no, no. 

Post # 177
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Money, some people have limited vacation time abnd going to a Destination Wedding means they don’t get the holiday they want this year, having a holiday based on where you want to go not them not being abke to do their own thing, the reasons are endless 

Post # 178
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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vegasbee:  It’s already been made clear that an invitation can be declined, but there’s more to it than that. Some invitations are MUCH harder to decline. If my sister had a Destination Wedding, then what? Am I supposed to just not go to my own sister’s wedding? That would be awful. 

Same with close friends. Sure, no one HAS to go, but it creates an awkward situation that doesn’t need to exist. Now I have to tell my friends the news that I can’t afford to go to their wedding, that’s not exactly a fun convo. Maybe I have to tell my friend that I can’t take off work, which makes it seem like work is more important than her wedding.. etc. I feel obligated to buy a nicer gift b/c I couldn’t come.. it just creates bad social situations.

Post # 179
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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princessandthepear:  I’m complaining about US weddings, lol. My brother had a wedding in Key West. The flights were about $500 there and back.. times 3 people. We could either stay at her parents giant house or rent a room and obviously didn’t want to share a house with a bunch of people we don’t know and other people’s parents …

They were extremely gracious and knew that at the time money was very tight for me so they offered to pay for the flights. Very sweet thing to do but the other guests just paid for their own and ended up spending thousands.

Post # 180
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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PenguinCandy:  “because there has become a ridiculous trend where wedding invitees and guests get confused and think that other people’s wedding days are all about them, their comfort, their wants and needs, etc.”

Really? Like in real life this is how you feel? Cause if it is then don’t host a wedding maybe? The ceremony is for the bride and groom, the reception is for the guests. The couple is HOSTING the reception. What other parties have you hosted that you didn’t think about the guests. I hope I never get invited to Thanksgiving at your place.

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