(Closed) DW why is it looked at as a burden?

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 91
Member
2883 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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Kelly6871:  I don’t understand what upsets you about this. Why does the couple deciding to spenf their own money for an additional trip offend you?

Post # 92
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5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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Beautyandthebusiness:  They are looked at as a burden because they are a burden. I want to go to your wedding because I want to celebrate with you, but I don’t necessairly want to vacation where you want to have your wedding. So I have to choose between not celebrating with you or taking probably my only vacation of the year to go to somewhere I wouldn’t choose to vacation. 

Obviously you aren’t telling people they HAVE TO go and an invitation is not a summons, but in reality your family and closest friends are going to feel a lot of pressure to go. My BFF briefly considered a cruise wedding while I was unemployed and Fiance was barely making ends meet. When it came down to it, even going alone would have cost me $1000 whereas her getting married in the city we both live in would have cost nothing for me. Sure, vacationing with my BFF sounds fun, but vacationing with my BFF, her family, and her inlaws when I can’t afford the vacation is NOT fun. And absolutely it would have been very sad if I couldn’t go and while she may not have said so she would have resented me not being there and I would have resented her making it impossible to go. 

I think a lot of people think “A destination wedding will be so much cheaper” but it’s only cheaper for the bride and groom. No one else was planning on going on a honeymoon just because you got married. 

Post # 93
Member
556 posts
Busy bee

It’s also quite common for the couple to have a big reception when they return (yet another day) for the people who couldn’t be there. The one I went to was like a full on wedding – cake, dress, first dance.  Why not do it the other way round? Our honeymoon hotel offers a reaffirmation of your vows privately, just the two of you at sunset.  That sounds nice, although I suspect Fiance will think I’ve lost my mind if we take it up. 

Post # 94
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

We had a destination wedding and our friends and family LOVED it! We didn’t force them to do anything they didn’t want to, we had several different things for us to do and whoever wanted to partake in that  particular activity did and those that didn’t did something else.

I think you just have to know your guests, we knew our friends and family would love it- everyone loves to travel, and everyone has the flexibility to travel. We knew not everyone would come and we were okay with that. You are NEVER going to make everyone happy, so you have to stop trying.

 

Post # 95
Member
763 posts
Busy bee

I’ve never been on a tropical Destination Wedding per se, but the vast majority of weddings I’ve been to involved booking expensive cross-country tickets, hotel rooms, taking time off work, etc. I love it. because of weddings, I’ve gotten to see New York, Chicago, Montreal… the list goes on and on. the bride and groom have their reasons for the places they choose. if you can’t go, you can’t go. it’s not about you. 

Post # 96
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

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ksn1219:  I am guessing the vast majority of people do NOT have relatives/friends that work only a few days a week or get an entire month off for vacation.  I know I don’t.

I also don’t like being told how I have to spend my money.  I’m single and don’t have a mortgage so I have no excuses for not attending a Destination Wedding, right?  I understand an invitation is not a summons, but I feel guilty declining when I have no good “reason” other than not wanting to spend a huge chunk of my hard earned money on a “vacation” not of my choosing.

I attended a Destination Wedding a couple of years ago for a good friend from college.  My SO at the time couldn’t go (couldn’t get the time off of a new job) so I went by myself.  It sucked.  I knew very few people there, as most of her friends couldn’t go.  I saw the bride maybe once because she was so busy.  I wound up coming home early because I was bored.

My other friend that was considering a Destination Wedding has now changed it to a planned elopement, where just her, her Fiance and their parents (and I think a very few close family members) are going then they’re going to have a reception when they get home.  She gets her dream wedding on the beach, we don’t have to pay a zillion dollars to go and she’s still having a big party.  Win-win in this situation.

Post # 97
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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bkprettygirl:  Your Destination Wedding may not have been funded by your guests but out of curiosity I googled “Punta Cana wedding package” and the first and only result I clicked on detailed a full “symbolic” 30 minute ceremony plus reception, cake,  etc. package, with a price next to it, followed by a link in italics saying “(or Complimentary*)”. When I clicked on that it gave a short list of scenarios in which it was complimentary, one of which was where at least five additional rooms were booked as guest accommodation for a minimum of 3 nights. I can’t be arsed to trawl through more listings but I doubt it’s a one off. 

Post # 98
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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Beautyandthebusiness:  Whoa, this thread blew up! Last night it was at 11 posts!

For me, now not so much of a burden. But before time would have been an issue. My friends are like family, and if I was thinking of attending your Destination Wedding it’s because we’re very, very close and it’s something I don’t want to miss. But when I worked I had almost no vacation time, and I lived away from home. So I would have had to choose between seeing my parents, once a year or going to a wedding. So it would have been a tough choice to make. 

 

\Edit – I just wanted to add, that even though some people find it an inconvenience or a burden, when I got engaged a few friends did actually ask us to consider a DW! As many people are annoyed by the idea there aredefinitely people who are into the idea also!

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by MadameHibou.
Post # 99
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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SunnierDaysAhead:  You’re so right. It’s hard to be told how to spend a large amount of money on someone else’s dream wedding, just to attend and be there for them. Because limited people attend, you may not know many (or anyone) there. When I was younger DW’s were essentially elopements or very, very small. Most people I know who did DW’s had just their closest friend or two and maybe their parents attend. Now people are throwing DW’s with more guests than I had at my local wedding! 

Post # 101
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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PenguinCandy:  “When else do you get to vacation with all your family..?”

You say that as if it’s a good thing to go on a vacation with ALL YOUR FAMILY.  You must realize this is not desirable for some right?  The thought of vacationing with my family fills me with horror and dread.  It makes me feel desperate, like I have to figure out a way for my very survival, like I’m in the movie SAW and this is my challenge.  

 

Post # 103
Member
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

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PenguinCandy:  “because there has become a ridiculous trend where wedding invitees and guests get confused and think that other people’s wedding days are all about them, their comfort, their wants and needs, etc.”

Most weddings I’ve been to in the past couple of years have had engagement parties, bridal showers, entire day bachelorette parties, the wedding itself which is all day and often a day after brunch as well. I usually need to get a hotel room and travel for at least one of these events if not more than one, the amount total spent is upwards of $1000. Then some people will have all that and a week long destination wedding as well. 

In the old days people would have simple weddings and maybe a bridal shower.

So I’m not sure how it’s “a trend” for wedding GUESTS to think it’s all about them…

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for people doing whatever makes them happiest, but you can’t expect everyone to be able to take the time off and or afford all of it. If you want to make things harder for your guests to attend, then just own it and don’t get upset if people have objections. 

 

 

Post # 104
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’m definitely in the minority here, I don’t get the extreme hatred.  If you don’t want to come then don’t come.  I hate big lavish weddings, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to rant and rave about how awful they are and how selfish everyone doing one is.  It only slightly repulses me to know that the average wedding (one day of your life!) could support a family of 4 for an entire year.  In both situations the bride and groom are putting out tons of money to throw a wedding.  The only difference is the guests.  If I spent the same money to get married locally, I’d have a nice big wedding.  The only problem is neither of my sisters would be able to come, as well as most of my extended family.  They’d all have to travel 8+ hrs to come anyways, days off work and pet sitters included.  At least if I do a Destination Wedding in Italy both of my sisters will be able to attend (poor and living in Europe for school).  A few relatives might still come, and while they are spending more to do so they are also visiting a beautiful new country, instead of the city they grew up in.  I’ve gotten bad attitudes about it, and there are people I wish could have made it, but ultimately this was the best for our situation.  Most people I know don’t care for weddings in general, and only go out of obligation. Everyone seems perfectly content to look at pictures.  Some are even secretly pleased about the perfect excuse for not having to buy us a wedding gift.  I’m happier this way because at least my money is being spent on a beautiful vacation and I was able to pay for everyone’s hotel for the week. 

Post # 105
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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Beautyandthebusiness:  It sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought and since this works for your and your FI’s families, it sounds like it will be a great time.

I’m also glad you’re not stomping your feet at the Bees that disagree with you and can see the other side.  I think you’re right in that it does boil down to families/dynamics but it’s not always that simple for others.

Have a great wedding!

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