(Closed) DW’s are selfish? I think not! (vent)

posted 7 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

ok, dont kill the messenger but its becoming a popular opinion, i wonder if its because of tv shows like Bridezillas that in the past what i would have thought of as a nice weekend/week away planned for guests is now considered a “destination wedding”

this was sent to me a few days ago with a few comments (we eloped but invited no one) eg: http://wedinator.icanhascheezburger.com/2010/11/18/funny-wedding-photos-delusional-bride-magazine-drinks-haterade/#comments

Post # 4
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry you are feeling down about this. We had a similar predicament when planning whether to have a Destination Wedding or not. I think the bottom line is your wedding is about you and your future husband. Obviously, though, a marriage is the union of two families and groups of friends. If there are “must have” members of your family and friend group who can’t afford to attend (either due to their time or their finances) this is something important to consider. For us, our list of those we wanted to be there that couldn’t make it due to time constraints, health issues, and financial limitations far exceeded those who could-and we decided on a traditional wedding in our home state. Hopefully whatever you decide will be met with support from your family and friends-I don’t think you are being selfish at all.

Post # 5
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry you are feeling down about this. We had a similar predicament when planning whether to have a Destination Wedding or not. I think the bottom line is your wedding is about you and your future husband. Obviously, though, a marriage is the union of two families and groups of friends. If there are “must have” members of your family and friend group who can’t afford to attend (either due to their time or their finances) this is something important to consider. For us, our list of those we wanted to be there that couldn’t make it due to time constraints, health issues, and financial limitations far exceeded those who could-and we decided on a traditional wedding in our home state. Hopefully whatever you decide will be met with support from your family and friends-I don’t think you are being selfish at all.

Post # 6
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

So I read this because I think destination weddings put more of a burden on guests than at home weddings. In your case, there is no clear “home” location to have a wedding, so you’re just picking the best option. Plus, it’s domestic. As someone who isn’t super positive about destination weddings, I think you’re doing just fine. You can’t make everyone happy, and if people will have to travel anyway, they might as well travel to somewhere you want to get married at- not somewhere mediocre. 

Good for you!

 

Post # 7
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

You know what?  It seems like a bride can’t win! 

Darling Husband and I did a speedy JoP ceremony with immediate family only after being engaged for 10 years and having 3 kids.  We had people complain that they didn’t get to come to our wedding.  Yeah, well, I know these same people would’ve been talking smack behind our backs about how inapporpriate a big fancy wedding is when you’ve been engaged for 10 years and had 3 kids. 

Either way, we couldn’t win.  I’m glad we did what we did.  Screw other people.  It’s our day and we can have it any way we want to! 

Post # 8
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Although I would not call it selfish, I do not think I could do a destination in fear of excluding some of the most important people in my life from attending. If those most important to you have the money and the time, then go for it. If not, do not be upset if they cannot attend.

Post # 9
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Like PPs have said, you can’t please everyone. As long as you put thought and consideration into your choice and do what’s best for you and Fiance, you should be happy. That being said, it may turn out that some people can’t make it. It doesn’t mean they love you less or don’t support you, but things just don’t work sometimes. I think with plenty of notice for those you’d really appreciate being there, having a wedding in the place you and Fiance prefer is the best idea, especially in a spread out situation like yours. 

Post # 11
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Fiance and I were originally planning a Destination Wedding in Bermuda but after having pretty much every member of my family express their severe displeasure with our plans, we decided to change them. At the time I was really annoyed but after realizing that their concerns were valid, I totally understood. 

While your situation is a little different since a portion of your guests would have to travel regardless, I do see how Destination Wedding could be perceived as “selfish”. My families concern with our Destination Wedding plans were pretty much the same as everyone elses… money. It costs alot of money for guests to travel to a Destination Wedding. When you take into consideration transportation, lodging, food, entertainment, time off of work, etc. it definitely adds up. As someone who was planning a Destination Wedding, looking back I realize that we were being selfish. We were only thinking of ourselves and not our families. Some couples may not care about their families being present but I am an only child and the only female grandchild in my whole family so my wedding is not just important to me but its important to nearly every member of my family. My parents would have traveled regardless (though it would have been difficult for them since my fathers currently out of work from a recent surgery) but none of my extended family would have been there and I just could not live with that. 

You’re probably not very happy with my response but as a bride who was planning a Destination Wedding and changed her plans to be more accommodating to her guests, I feel like I have a unique perspective on the topic. If this is what you and your Fiance want to do then go for it but I understand where your friends/family who are making these comments are coming from (though I probably would have tried to be a little nicer about it). 

You will have to be prepared for a great deal of your guests not making it because its a Destination Wedding. You also can’t really be upset with those who don’t go because, especially in this economy, asking a family to shell out a boat load of cash is just not feasible for most.

ETA: I probably should add that all but our grandmothers and FI’s uncle are local so the majority of our guests won’t even so much as have to stay overnight at the resort we’re getting married at if they dont want to. So for us, we would have been inconveniencing almost everyone… 

Post # 12
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

OK, my 2 cents are that I definitely believe that destination weddings, on the whole, ARE selfish. (Unless the bride and groom are including airline tickets in the invitations to all guests, they place a HUGE burden on guests–and not everyone wants to go to Mexico/Dominican Republic/etc. with their limited vacation time and limited finances.) They tend to isolate a lot of guests/family, and I believe that weddings are a celebration of the joining of families, and the support of your friends, who should all be as “un-burdened” as possible in getting there.

BUT…

I wouldn’t really call your case a “Destination wedding.” In your case, a significant portion of guests are going to need to fly across the country anyway, so you have picked the location out of the 3 choices that means the most to you as a couple, is most “tourist-friendly,” and is more affordable than Chicago. I really don’t think that the Florida Keys is asking too much of your guests, to be honest. You’ve actually kind of made the LEAST selfish (and best) choice here, I think. So…kudos; I think you should feel at peace with your decision, because I know I would if I was in your shoes 🙂

Post # 14
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@bride123: Sorry, I disagree.  My wedding is in Mexico.  If people can’t afford to come or choose to spend their vacation days elsewhere, that is fine with me – I am INVITING people to my wedding, not obligating them to attend. For those that do come, we get to spend quality time with them before the wedding at the Resort, rather than 5 min at the Reception. The alternative to my Destination Wedding is to go to City Hall to get married.  A big at-home wedding is not what I or my Fiance want.  We will, however, have an informal get together afterwards for those who couldn’t make it.

Post # 15
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I support your vent :). Don’t worry about it. Unless your guests start saying otherwise, as in CaitMare’s case, I’m sure your guests are excited to go to FL. I would rather fly to FL than Chicago or PA or VA. 

Having just had a Destination Wedding, both our families and friends were thrilled… that said, I suppose our extended families that weren’t invited may have been annoyed. I don’t think we were selfish with the Destination Wedding but with the guest list. We have huge extended families, a Destination Wedding was one way to have a small wedding and not seem like we were being rude (or so I thought). 

Like you, our friends and family are all over the country and all but my parents, sisters, and 3 sets of friends would be flying in. Tickets to fly to our state were just as much as flying to Mexico, and a 5 star resort the same as the hotel downtown. SO, they got a nice vacation and we got the wedding we wanted. 

Post # 16
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think there’s a difference between having a Destination Wedding in Mexico/Caribbean/Jamaica/Europe and having one in a State that guests still live in….

The topic ‘DW’s are selfish? I think not! (vent)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors