(Closed) Dying here! [shower invite faux pas]

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

While I understand the embarrassment (I would be embarrassed too!) but saying anything publicly at this point will only make it worse.  Just try to smile and be gracious to anyone who arrives at the shower.  If anyone makes a comment like “I was surprised to receive an invitation” just brush it off and say “oh, my Maid/Matron of Honor organized it all, I don’t even know who she invited in the end.”  It might be worth making some passing comments at the shower like “oh wow, I’m surprised how big this is!  I can’t believe all these people are here!” but act like you’re happy surprised rather than slightly embarrassed.  Then at least people will get the message that this wasn’t your decision.

Post # 4
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think what’s done is done, there isn’t a way to deal with it other than just accept it. The invite is out, I’d call your Maid/Matron of Honor and address it make sure she invited the people you really want there and find out who she in fact invited but be prepared for more people not intended to invite as invited. Really the more the merrier right if they’re drama type people then you need to just let your closest girls in on it and they can play interference. Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You cuold also play it like you wanted the opportunity to get to now everyone better or you wanted everyone to have the chance to get to know each other before the wedding?

Post # 6
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t do anything.  The invites are out and what’s done is done.  You can’t renege on invitations, so I’d recommend that you grin and bear it and enjoy your shower.  You’ll see be surrounded by all the women you love at your shower, will a few acquaintences really make a difference?

Post # 7
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t see why it’s embarrassing…..  As long as she’s invited to the wedding (which I’m assuming she is since her husband is you Fiance good friend).

Post # 9
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

FI’s mom insisted on inviting FI’s bff’s wife who I REALLY like but lives about 8 hrs away.  It’s already a trek for them to come to our wedding (and have to take time off etc since her hubby is a GM), I hated coming across like we were asking her to drive aaaaall the way over again.  Or worse, that we only invitd her knowing she couldn’t come and would just send a gift (whcih I hope she doesn’t since she’s not coming).  I didn’t include her on my list to FI’s mom, and when she asked me why not I explained my reasoning, but she went ahead and invited her anyway.

There’s nothing you can do about it now.  Since she is invited to the wedding, it’s not REALLY that bad (though I totally get how uncomfortable you feel!), so just tell her you’re happy she could make it, excited to become better friends and hope you all can double sometime soon.

Post # 10
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

My BM’s did this to me for my PA shower and MIL’s did it also for my MI shower. About 2 weeks before the PA shower my friend S mentioned she was coming to the shower! I had actually put her on the list of people NOT to invite since she would have to travel far and we aren’t SUPER close. I thought it was so awkward, I mean it was really nice of her to come, but I put her on the do-not-invite list for a reason!

At the MI shower, my FMIL’s invited people who weren’t even invited to the wedding. I think that is at least semi-normal where they’re from, but I was a little mortified. I mean, obviously the wedding kept coming up in conversation adn the two of them just sat there silent.

What I did in both situations was just allowed the organizer to make the final decision and graciously went with the flow so no one felt weird. The guests can make up their own mind if it’s appropriate to attend adn the invite isn’t coming from you, so at the end of the day it isn’t a big deal.

Post # 11
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Eek! Sorry this happened. As with all things wedding, though, you are probably more concerned than your guests. Hope it all works out okay! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I get why you don’t want her invited, but I wouldn’t be embarassed.  Chances are she won’t come (and she might still send a gift.. score :)).  I think it might be a good thing that she (and possibly others) was invited.  It says to them that you’d like to include them in the festivities, and who doesn’t like being included?  It seems to me that it can do more good than harm.   

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